dailydatewithgod

Most of my life I felt a lack of safety.  It was not safe on a subdued level at home and it wasn’t safe in my own body.  Even the places and spaces that seemed safe were dependent upon me doing or being the right way.  The idea of freely being myself and safe at the same time was not in my realm of experience except for brief moments here and there.  A steady sense of room to freely grow and make mistakes seemed unfathomable.  I knew in my head that God was steady.  I knew that the right answer was rely on God but I had no idea what that looked like.  Instead I relied on food.  I relied on defensiveness. I relied on being what I thought was expected of me. All of these outside elements were an illusion of steadiness.  The beauty in the breakdown of all those outside resources is being forced to look within the quiet of my heart.  There I am reminded of the steadiness of my heart beat that resounds with the echoes of God’s presence.  It is accessible to me at any point in any place.  It grounds me in the reality of the steadiness of God and thus my freedom.