dailydatewithgod

To give an idea life we put it in motion.  I remember as a kid being overly concerned and hard on myself when I had bad thoughts.  In order to be the good Christian girl I thought my job was to only think nice things.  It is a belief I carried all of my life.  I knew fundamentally that the real badness would come from acting on them but nonetheless I saw myself as flawed and less than ideal because I had thoughts in my head that were not nice.  I did not understand that we all have all kinds of thoughts all the time.  Thoughts that never stop, good or bad, right or wrong.  My default perspective on myself was that I had done something wrong and I was to blame even for things I did not do.  I remember hating when a kid next to me in class would get in trouble.  I found myself cringing as he was getting disciplined.  It’s no wonder I was seeking a way to numb out.  By showing up for my daily dates with God I began to learn viscerally what I was being exposed to on how the human mind functions.  That on some fundamental level most people walk around feeling like they are not enough or do not do enough.  We measure ourselves by what we see with our eyes instead of what our heart sees.  We look to other flawed humans with their mixed ideas about themselves and expect them to provide us with something they cannot do for themselves.  Growing up I figured if I just followed the rules and did what was expected of me, I would be seen as okay and therefore safe.  It was a great illusion that worked on many levels and so it became my practice.  But practice did not make perfect it made for internal struggle.  It made for a need to numb out.  It made for a life constantly seeking the approval of others.  We all do this to some degree.  We are designed to belong to each other and we know growing up in a particular culture or family what the expectations are of members. My daily dates with God have shown me another option.  I get to spend time each day with a being who loves and accepts me no matter what good or bad I have thought or done. I have learned to turn to the core of who I am to determine whether or not I am approved of.  My practice of showing up for these dates has brought me closer to the peace I thought I would experience from all my other practice but never did.  I now recognize the key to my long desired peace and freedom lies in the main practice  of showing up for myself and for God one day at a time.  It is about honestly evaluating if all the other practices in my life are in alignment with my core practice or detract from it.