dailydatewithgod

We like to think we know exactly what we want.  Why is it once we get it we are still not satisfied?  Why is it we are ready to focus on the next thing we want?  Is it really the thing, person, or experience we are seeking?  Everything around us tells us so.  If we get this car, that job, are in a relationship, or obtain an accolade then we will be what?  Secure? Fearless?  Settled?  Successful?  Happy? Are we seeking a way out of the drudgery of the human experience? I never fully bought into the idea of getting the car, the job, or the house as a sign of success.  My goal while not conscious was to get the approval of others.  I figured if I followed the rules, did what was expected, and didn’t rock the boat I would somehow feel like enough.  I would be able to justify my place on the planet.  Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how one looks at it, it pulled me from the truth of who I am almost to the point of total destruction.  In recovery, I learned the form I am seeking is not what my heart is seeking.  There is nothing wrong with having the car, the job, the degree, the boyfriend and so on.  It is when I make those forms the be all end all of what is important about me.  The forms are important because they propel us in a particular direction. However, if we let our hearts and souls guide our journey, they will often take us farther and deeper past the form into an experience of greater depth and power.  My drive to prove I was worthy of taking up space on this planet led me to destroy myself and hide my heart.  This led me broken down into recovery which opened a door to a whole world I did not even know existed.  It brought to me the idea of my daily dates with God.  It showed me a way to be in the world where I did not have to be afraid of the form I had taken and how I could change what I thought about me and others.  If I had gotten the love and approval I desired by my actions and in the form I expected, I would have missed out on what it is like to know I approve of me and I love myself because I AM.  I would never have known the precious heart understanding that because God gave me breath, I am here where I am supposed to be.  The form I wanted would not have allowed me to know that to have a truly open and present heart means making space for all forms and seeing the love within them.