dailydatewithgod

As much as we hold to the things we know our reality is there is far more to what we don’t know that exists.  We often resist acknowledging what we do not understand for fear of seeming less intelligent or as though we are not paying attention.  There is much bewilderment existing in the world. We can choose to fear it or we can embrace it and use it.  As an incest survivor, I can tell you I spent many many years in a state of bewilderment about my own experiences.  At a very young age, I could not make sense of the puzzling behavior of my body or my relationship with my father.  As a child who is dependent upon the adults in her life for survival, I had to choose the only way to stay alive which I decided was to be bewildered about me and my body versus my relationship with my father and what was happening.  In my mind, at least I could control the bewildering experience by hating my body and treating it poorly.  I could suppress any natural sexual feelings that came up and mask my experience of them by making them wrong and bad.  Coming out of the bewildering experience as an adult I still carried the same tools for living which no longer worked for me.  Living in recovery means recognizing the bewilderment for what it was and working with it.  Seeing the fear in the experience and choosing not to fall for it.  Bewilderment becomes the gateway to an inner knowing and trusting of my experience.  Bewilderment is the portal through which I can access my hearts knowing and see what is real and not real for me.  The bewilderment on whatever level we experience it does not have to signify a stupidity or a lack of intellect or make us less than.  Bewilderment about life can open us up to exploration.  Exploration is the lifeblood of our hearts which seek to make room for being with what is in at the present moment.