dailydatewithgod

Much of the difficulty we experience in our lives comes not from outside of us but from our inner experience.  After all, what we perceive as happening outside of us is our perspective on it. This is how two people can experience the same thing and walk away with two totally different stories about what happened and what it meant.  Life is more than what happens, it is what we make it mean.  The meaning comes from our interpretation.  Our interpretation depends upon how we are feeling in the moment about ourselves.  As a way of coping with experiences as a child, I developed a very strong inner critic.  It served a great purpose.  It kept me out of trouble with authority figures, it focused me in terms of how to keep in line with the rules of society, and it provided a sense of safety.  Now, I am grateful for this critical side of myself.  The downside is it has outworn its purpose.  It did not allow me any room to just be human and make mistakes.  Sure, I made mistakes but the critical voice was there immediately letting me know how much I messed up.  It would be relentless in giving me a hard time to prevent such a thing happening again.  From this same perspective, I determined this part inside myself is not my ally.  It pretends to be my ally but the moment I step out of line, it is there to let me know what a complete fuck-up I am.  It is harsh and very black and white.  It tainted my view of myself and everything I lied eyes upon. On my daily dates with God, I was invited to take a closer look at this critical perspective.  While it might seem to be the best choice to tell it to go away, I realized I had a relationship with this part of myself.  It was not about excising it from my being but getting to know what was behind the facade.  Time on my dates allowed me the opportunity to question what was driving this part of me. Usually, it boils down to an attempt to keep me safe from harm.  This is a beautiful thing.  But it was not until I was willing to make it an ally instead of the enemy it presented itself to be, that I could even engage with it.  If I remember to pause after hearing a comment from the critical part of myself, I have a moment to distance myself from what is being said.  I can turn the statement into an opportunity to engage and make an ally out of an enemy. I can acknowledge that part of me for doing a stellar job of taking care of my safety growing up.  Its past works need to be acknowledged.  From there, I can open it up to seeing things from God’s perspective.  What might a kinder way of keeping me safe sound like?  What would make you willing to test some things out and see what happens?  What is it we need to be protected from in this moment?  These are all questions that open up to the development of creating an ally from a foe.  I do not know if any of you deal with a critical part of yourself, but after so many years of making myself wrong for making myself wrong, God showed me a way to create an ally.