dailydatewithgod

With so much swarming around inside our heads and the constant chatter is amazing that we can concentrate and string together coherent thoughts.  The miraculous nature of all it means to be a human being and show up in the world is no small feat.  Getting to know our own machinery gives us insights into how we are being and behaving in the world so we can connect our intentions to it.  I remember early on in recovery I was required to do an inventory of all my resentments and fears-real or imagined.  The first thing I discovered rather quickly and a certain level of hilarity was how I had behaved over and over again in a similar fashion expecting a different result. I believe that is the definition of insanity.  The next thing I encountered was the degree to which many of the things I had held on to over the years were not real.  Especially when it came to my fears.  So many of them never come to fruition.  Most of them are just notions in my head that I give power and attention to which ironically makes them bigger and more fearful instead of dispelling them.  In the process of getting rid of the inventory I created, I shared with a sponsor all my silly notions with some embarrassment. However, it was a powerful experience to get them out of my head.  I learned that notions can go from being the whisper of a feather in my ear to a boulder on my shoulder if I let them build.  I saw that I did not need to carry them around if I started admitting them.  Not always to another person but sometimes on paper and always to God.  Sometimes our daily dates start with me laying out my notions before I am ready to be open to what God’s ideas are.  If I do not do that I attempt to layer God’s perspective on top of my notions.  If I have been carrying the notion around for a long time it tends to stick and by mere repetition be front of mind.  The replay of notions in my mind closes off my heart to hear God’s insight.  Its’ not even about whether the notions are good or bad.  It is about naming them, claiming them, and choosing to hold on and make use of or dump them.  It’s about seeing the gift they are whether we resonate with them in our hearts or entertain them in our minds.