dailydatewithgod

Simplistically speaking there are two general modes of operation when it comes to how we approach life.  Most people tend to either want to be prepared or just take it as it comes.  We do no unilaterally follow this pattern but we lean towards one or the other.  I trend towards the prepared approach.  There is an equation of safety that I feel is present when I am able to be prepared.  I recognize it as a childhood construct that directed much of my choices and interactions with others.  As a mature adult, I see the illusion of preparedness of safety because I can only prepare for the knowns.  I cannot project all the quandaries which come my way when I show up having done all my preparation.  I used to think I wanted a God who would protect me from quandaries.  I thought it was best to know the right answer and to be what others wanted me to be.  That led to exhaustion, self-annihilation, and addiction.  I do not recommend it. I cannot undo the quandaries I experienced as a child, but I can use the resources I created to navigate around them.  The reality is we all do the best we can.  Every quandary we encounter whether we could have foreseen its presence or not is a chance to see our own courage.  I do not want a God that shelter’s me from quandaries.  I want a God who stands with me and provides an open avenue to be reminded of the truth of who I am.  My mind will always be inclined towards the safety I think I get from avoiding a quandary, but my heart knows it is the quandaries in life which open me up to a new and previously unknown experience of the capacity of love.