dailydatewithgod

The nature of existence leans towards survival.  The impetus behind every energetic and cellular expression is done for the benefit of life. One of the perplexing elements of human nature is our ability to act in ways that seem to contradict the inclination towards life. What we often do not realize is the degree to which something seems to be in contradiction is not in fact contradictory at all. We have a way of creating beliefs and conceptions that over time become the structures that benefit us.  What can happen over time is that our beliefs and conceptions change based on our experience but we do not update our structures.  The structures still benefit us in some way even if it is the false sense of security we get from relying on them.  At the core of many of the reasons I was not willing to change in my addiction was I still believed that being a fat person protected me and I lived protected in that structure. I created a whole persona around being fat and it had its benefits.  I did not have to have a strong voice because my body did the talking for me. I did not have to take a closer look at my sexual abuse history because it was easy to cut it out of my life. It was not until the benefits of being fat were outweighed (pun intended) by the detriment of being fat that the structure began to crumble.  It was not until I stopped using my drug of sugar that I could hear the still small voice in my heart and spirit which spoke the truth of who I am and dispelled my illusion of weight as protection. Everyone in the world could tell me how my sugar habit and fat body were not of benefit to me but it was not until I was open to discovering a different structure for a way of living, which for me turned out to be the 12 steps, which did not depend on my old beliefs and conceptions that I could see it for myself. From this comes compassion that enables me to see the behaviors of others and myself as recognition of benefit in action.