dailydatewithgod

When we get disconnected from ourselves we operate from an automatic place.  We do not need to be present to continue living. On my daily dates with God, I have learned the power of being present and aware of myself as connected.  It is not always easy. We as well as those around us get used to the ersatz version of ourselves. There is nothing wrong with this because it is us. However, after much practice, I can recognize that being in the natural unfolding of who I am in the moment encompasses and creates the energy of life which is parallel to none.  The artificial facade we show to the world is not a contrast of who we are, it has elements of our natural or true self within it. Our ersatz outer shell may be something that has served us well until it begins to break and crack.  In my case, when I discovered it did not keep me safe from what I thought it was, my heart broke open. Being broken I was willing to take a closer look at the ersatz nature of my being and honor it for how far it had gotten me while also recognizing its limitations. Just like ersatz flowers which look lovely forever, they lack the life-giving energy that the natural ones have.  We are more like the natural world than we realize.  It was only when I was willing to get close enough to my ersatz self to say thank you for all you have done to allow me to take the next step in my life, that I could walk freely without needing to pull it out automatically to survive.

There are the obvious and acceptable definitions for things that we all go along with either because we trust it or perhaps because we lack imagination.  We tell ourselves we are safe and okay if we go along with the accepted norm.  Even when there is something within us that seems to guide us in a different direction.  On a human survival level, it is threatening to be considered outside the norm.  Yet there are times when we cannot deny the sense of guidance which may lead us down a different path than the one we are expected to follow.  We are left with the question, do we follow the acceptable guide we are given or follow the internal guide coming from our hearts?  There is much made of the path of an entrepreneur, especially in the United States. It stands as a symbol of individualism and carving one’s own path.  Yet how much of it becomes the same as the major companies who supposedly represent the opposite.  Taking a chance and setting ourselves out to be guided by our internal awareness may not be as extreme as striking out completely on our own.  It is more about listening closely to where our heart is guiding us at each moment to discover what is the next step. Following our inner guide does not need to be a big and audacious demonstration that makes us stand out.  It can also be a peaceful and fulfilled sense that we are one with ourselves and we exude that energy to those around us.  God encourages us to listen and notice where the inner guide in our hearts is calling our attention.  Sometimes we do not have to make a choice other than to notice how it distinguishes itself from all the outer voices of guidance.

The way our visual system works to take in information is not helpful for us to pick up on all the details.  Our minds do a lot of filling in the blanks.  This is part of what leads to faulty or suspect testimony from eyewitnesses.  As well-intended as one is unless we are focused on the details we will not give them much attention.  There are times in which we do remember minute details when we are in an agitated state brought on by fear or pain.  It is why when we are irritated by someone we also notice the little details of their behavior that we find equally annoying as their detestable ideas. Our hearts, however, have a knack for picking up on the details because of its frequency of intention having a different focus.  The details of an experience captured in our hearts are those meant to leave an impression.  The energy of our hearts can expand or contract based on the smallest detail. Using the power of our mind’s focus to intentionally notice the details which enliven our hearts can enable us to build up the necessary fortitude to withstand the potential contraction of our hearts.  The more muscle we put into our heart’s awareness towards the details that cause it to expand the more courage we can show up with to face the experiences that make us want to shut our hearts down.  It is the detail that can go from being the straw that breaks the camel’s heart to the last match that lights the wick of the last candle in a blacked-out room.

When we take into account all the factors making up our human operating system it would be an understatement to say we have a lot going on. On some level, it is rather comical how little we are involved and aware of how we are operating.  It is typically only when one of those systems is lacking efficient operation that we notice. It is the dispersal of our awareness captivating our renewed interest in what is going on.  It sounds more fun when we put it that way and I am of course speaking of the stage past the one where we throw a fit because our original plans got disrupted. Needless to say, we don’t often the dispersal of our awareness because it lies outside what we were predicting we would be focusing on.  God invites us to see the dispersal of awareness as an opportunity to notice the fullness of who we are and how it is impacting those around us. The dispersal of awareness can be used constructively once we accept the circumstances to point us in a direction that may connect us to a part of ourselves we have not yet encountered.  In the dispersal, we can expose ourselves to a new way of thinking and being which may open up parts of ourselves we have previously kept locked away.  We may feel out of control due to the scattering of awareness but within it is the possibility of something for us to connect within a deeper way to make it within our radar.  Looking outside ourselves in the dispersal awareness not for the validation of what we already know but for an inkling of what connects to our heart while our mind is busy trying to understand the scattered experience.

We live in a culture that values excess and extravagance.  At least it appears to be the expectation of what it means to be living the ultimate life.  Every commercial is designed to tell us how we are flawed and how we need whatever they are selling to make us complete. Yet when we obtain that item it is not enough because right behind it is a list of things that we now need because we have that.  It becomes a never-ending game in which we never catch up.  The question becomes, which elements of our lives do we consider essential and which are extra? God invites us to look at who we are being and how much of that conveys the essential truth of who we are and how much of it is extraneous layers placed on top of our essential nature. From the place of awareness, we can ask ourselves a deeper question: what are the extraneous layers of ourselves that we are taking care of which do not resemble the truth of who we are in our heart.  We get caught up in the labels we are given or that we give ourselves so much so we lose sight of who we are underneath that identity and the ideas attached to it. God encourages us to evaluate who we are being by bringing our hearts and minds into alignment.  From there we can reconnect to our essential nature which is stronger than the voice of the outside world with its predetermined expectations and levels of acceptance. The voice of truth can then speak to us about where we are being from the extraneous versus the essential.

As a recovering perfectionist, I have often struggled with letting go of things being a way that seems just right to me. Learning to adopt being okay with what is adequate may sound like slacking for some people. I never would have completed my graduate work while working two jobs if I hadn’t listened to my mentor who told me that getting the assignments done was adequate.  I was sure I would end up submitting subpar work.  No such luck, I aced all my coursework.  It turns out “A” stands for adequate. The more I learn to ebb and flow with life the more I find the ideas in my mind about what is adequate differ from what is adequate to my heart. My mind can circle over and over minute ideas of what perfection looks like in a particular situation yet my heart is not involved in this conversation. Our hearts find messiness and imperfection the adequate conditions to open us up to what it means to be relatable.  While our mind is busy looking for perfection our hearts are knocking at us to open our eyes and find the beauty in the adequate circumstances that have brought us to where we are at this moment. When our minds are worrying about whether we are perfect enough to meet the approval of another person, they find our adequate behavior to be charming and something that opens up the conversation between us.  While our minds may balk at the idea of adequacy, our hearts invite us to pause and notice what happens when we see how grateful we can be for all that is adequate in ourselves and our lives.

We often forget about our retention capacity.  We become so intertwined and wedded to an idea or a way of being that we cannot separate ourselves from.  We retain powerful and harmful habits.  Our mind’s capacity for memory and function of looking for like information through which to filter whatever is happening at the moment can set us up for disaster if we are not aware of it.   Nothing is inherently wrong about memory or how it works.  It is in fact, marvelous.  If we did not have the capacity to remember and then filter the information we have retained from those memories about how the world works we would be like the main character in the movie Memento. There is nothing either good or bad about how we function as human beings.  It is about reconciling what is happening in our hearts with what is happening in our minds.  What areas of retention in our lives are residing in our hearts or our minds?  What elements of retention within our minds hurt our hearts and vice versa?  The whole of who we are is an amazing being and the degree of our retention especially of things we retain without even being fully present when we learn them is mind-boggling.  God encourages us to notice with curiosity where our powers of retention are serving us.  When we use the curiosity muscle of our minds coupled with the courage muscle of our hearts we empower ourselves to use our capability of retention to benefit the whole of who we are and the lives of those with whom we interact.

Perhaps the reason that kitten videos on YouTube are so alluring is that we see in them a liveliness that speaks to our hearts.  We connect to what we are watching from an internal place.  Being alive is what we are.  Although sometimes it seems as though we are the walking dead.  I know we joke about the Zombie Apocalypse but have you been on a commuter train before?  As kids living on Long Island, we got to take the subway and train for special occasions on a visit to Manhattan.  I remember my father remarking how amused he was that the regular commuters were not the least bit phased by how my sister and I would laugh and swing around the standing poles and point at the graffiti.  We were just being frisky kids. The reason children are more in touch with their aliveness is that their heads are not so full of reasons not to be.  One could say being frisky is a luxury of age, but is it?  Or have we just convinced ourselves of that because we do not know how to reconcile that we have lost touch with the frisky that lives in our hearts?  Perhaps we have cast the term frisky into the realm of something sexual because as adults it is one of the few enjoyable things that we allow to get our heart rates up.  Nothing wrong with that albeit limiting.  God invites us to notice what awakens the frisky in all areas of our lives. Why place frisky in the category of either childish or sex-play only?  God invites us to spend some time tuning into the energy of our hearts and notice what it means to experience the frisky in the places outside what our mind can conceive.

Sometimes we go along with something just because it is all we know. We don’t question it because it works and we have no reason to or because we think it would be too hard to change.  The deeper question becomes do we conform to something or someone out of convenience or because it is representative of something to which we are aligned? I don’t think it is merely an either-or proposition but God invites us to look at the areas of our lives in which we claim fidelity.  If it were not popular would we still be aligned with it?  If it were not comfortable would we seek to change it?  If it were not convenient would we even participate?  As we mature we realize that we can no longer hold on to all the allegiances of our youth.  Some of them have simply fallen away as is their nature.  Others are coated over with dust but we still have them the attic of our minds.  More so than actual things or people, God invites us to notice what ideas guiding our beliefs express themselves in action because of our fidelity to them?  When we have clarity around the ideas to which we are faithful we know what is driving our way of being.  When we find ourselves thinking and doing in a way that does not seem true to our own hearts, it may be time to evaluate our fidelity.  I think somewhere along the way, perhaps with all the graduations and steps in life, we think we are supposed to reach some sort of summit, and then we will be done.  As one of my mentors always says, you’ll know when you are done because you are dead.  As long as there is life flowing through our veins.  As long as we have the capacity to take in a new breath there is a choice to be made of how we wish to express the being we are.  Do we want to embody a fidelity that resonates with all of who are now or someone who we once were?

As human beings, you could say we are a story kind of being.  We create connections and meanings through our stories.  Where there are blanks and unknowns we make up stories.  The basis of most cultural and religious systems are stories.  The story of who we are and where we come from.  As these stories are repeated generation after generation they become what is known. We forget that they stemmed from our internal pull to know why, to fill in the blanks, and to find a sense of safety by creating certainty in our minds.  Then we reach moments when those who are new to the story begin to question it.  Children do it all day long at a young age when they ask “why?” about everything.  Within each of us is this nagging question and so much of what we are interacting with daily is the stories we create in our minds.  We stop asking out loud why and fill the blanks ourselves. Before we know it we are certain why someone said or did something even though we have not been inside their head.  It gets easier and easier over time to just go along with our answers than to investigate via conversation and connection.  When we learn to connect with our hearts we experience a space where the fear does not reside next to the unknown.  From that place, we can move into curiosity and investigation.  We find ourselves desiring to know from that other person’s perspective what is going on. When we endeavor to investigate we are using the energy of the heart to work in conjunction with our minds and demonstrate a willingness to learn.  We are here to be connected and learn from one another.  It is how we grow in love.