dailydatewithgod

As humans, it is natural for us to notice distinctions, to be able to separate things out.  Our brain categorizes information by sorting things by their differences.  Those who are alike belong to one group and the things that are like that are in another.  It is a way of processing the information automatically so we do not have to be conscious of what we are doing with all the information coming at us.  It is almost like our brain is a big file cabinet and since the idea, we heard yesterday is like the one we heard a month ago it will go into that idea file.  If the person in front of us looks a particular way we can put them in the same file as someone else who looks or acts like them.  We would run out of fuel really quickly in the course of our day if we were to mentally be aware of all the automatic distinctions we were making.  This is a helpful mechanism but it can create fences in between the different files like fences between houses but we can’t see them.  We can literally have a difficult time combining two people or ideas because, in our minds, they are separate.  We experience it as confusion.  It is like the first time I came across my neighbor at the grocery store.  It was not like I had never seen a man I knew at the grocery store, but usually, when I see him he is entering his apartment.  We both saw each other and reacted with surprise.  We had just crossed a fence in our mind.  There are stronger fences we have built in our mind which do not get crossed by surprise.  Those are the fences we need the courage of our hearts to see through.  We all know what they are . . . the people who have hurt us, the idea that sounds preposterous, the experience that can never be fenced with ones we are willing to try again.  Our hearts create passageways through and above the fences.  Our hearts know that while according to our mind it looks like the fence we have up keeps us safe, it actually keeps us locked in our own yard.

We think of the agenda when it comes to meetings.  We think of them in terms of intention and expectations.  What we don’t often think about is the distinction between our mind’s agenda and our heart’s agenda.  In theory to the extent to which one practices self-awareness one can know what agenda he or she is holding in any given situation.  Our minds are constantly chattering to us about what we want and how we see things going.  This is good. It is important to know what our lens on life is because it informs our actions.  Getting acquainted with the agenda of our hearts is a little more subtle.  It calls on us to pause and check-in with ourselves from a space of quiet where we are not distracted by the dictates of the mind.  Breathing into our hearts to let them know we are present with them is the first step.  Listening without judgment when the agenda is presented makes the process simpler. God encourages us to learn to distinguish between the agenda of a wounded heart and the agenda driven from the core of who we are.  One or both can be driving the agenda and will aim for different outcomes.  A willingness to explore the caverns of our hearts for our agendas and making room for compassion for whatever shows up creates opportunities to learn and grow experiences in the realms of love.

One of the things that scientists have determined about behavior motivation is our inclination to avoid loss.  We are more likely to do something to keep loss from happening than to gain something we don’t already have.  We are described as being loss averse.  Perhaps it is because we are not aware of what we are adhering to until we lose it or are threatened with losing it.  What might it look like if we cherished the things we were adhered to whether it is our identity, things, experiences, or people? Perhaps loss occurs so we can become aware of the things we are adhering to. Which things or ideas do we adhere to with our minds but not our hearts?  I am interested in knowing more about the adherence of my heart because I know it is closest to the truth of who I am.  When I experience a loss I am made aware of my adherence to what I have made that thing, person or experience mean about me than the thing itself.  This is where we discover the adherence of our hearts.  Loss is challenging and to the degree to which we have adhered the thing to our sense of who we are according to our mind, is the degree of challenge. Our ego does not like to question our sense of self. What if in any moment of loss, we were given the gift of evaluating its adherence to the truth of who we are instead of who we think we are or who we think others think we are?  God invites us always to get to know the truth of who we are at our core and everything including loss can tell us something about the adherence of our hearts if we let them.

One of the most fundamental ways we can approach our lives is through inquiry. In my experience, the thing that usually gets me into trouble is when I am certain I know something.  Learning to inquire about it instead of carrying around my preconceived notions not only keeps my ego in check but makes life more interesting.  I have always been interested in learning. Remembering I can learn from everyone and everything, not just what I presume will present themselves as learning opportunities, is where I feel my heart leads me.  My mind is about certainty or the illusion of certainty and safety that comes from knowing.  Inquiry allows me to live in the space of my heart that trusts whatever I learn will not change the fundamental truth of who I am. It may alter the expression of who I am being, but nothing can undo what God has created.  Through inquiry motivated by my heart the lens through which I approach myself and my life is open and gentle. My mind tends toward the lens of fear of what may come about from inquiry.  A true practice of inquiry of the heart lies in inquiring about the fear of the mind and what is behind it.

We like the idea of knowing.  It gives us a sense of safety and satisfaction.  We all think we would be better off if we knew how things were going to turn out.  Or would we?  Our brains are focused on survival.  Survival means that certain things are in place for us to exist. I used to think things were only worth doing if I knew how they were going to turn out.  If I could map out the destiny for myself and those involved to determine that it all would be okay, then I could take a risk.  Needless to say, this leads to a very small space of existence.  Even with all kinds of planning and preparation there are always going to be elements of the unexpected and unknown.  We are wired for kismet but not the kind we think.  Our brains imagine kismet where everything is clearly laid out.  The irony is that we don’t survive.  At least we do not survive in one form forever.  I can’t speak to what happens when we leave our human bodies.  Our existence on this earth has an expiration and as far as I can tell, no one has gotten our alive. The energy in our hearts can connect us to a deeper sense of kismet that is not reliant upon physical measurement.  We recognize fate when it appears. We call out destiny in hindsight.  The kismet of our hearts is very clear.  It is about growing in love.  It is about opening ourselves up to a relationship with the core truth of who we are.  The kismet of our hearts will take us to a place of peace our brains may never know.  The willingness to connect to the kismet of our hearts is the capacity to sit in the space of the unknown and hold out the hope of what is possible.  Hold out the hope of what is possible in the world destined to love.  God invites us to dance in the kismet of our hearts by connecting to our breath and expanding our heart space to allow the truth of who we are to surface.  We get that chance every time we take a breath.  Even when we miss an opportunity to partake in the kismet of our hearts there is another one just after this exhale.

So much of the acknowledgment and acclamation we receive from others comes from our doing. It is our action that is measured as valuable and rightly so.  It is motivating and inspiring to both receive and give credit.  There is nothing wrong with deriving a sense of pride from how we operate in the world.  What happens in the in-between spaces?  What about the times we do not act in ways that are a credit to who we are?  We all have experiences where we fall short of our best.  It is normal in the fluctuation of life to get credit for what we do accomplish and what we don’t.  We look down upon those who fall short and credit them with a negative impact.  The irony, of course, is the judgment we place both on giving credit whether good or bad does nothing to enhance the understanding of the experience.  Hitler is credited with acting in a heinous nature and it does nothing to change that millions of lives were lost as a result of his actions.  The reason we give credit is somehow to calm our mind that is searching for a reason.   If we can blame someone for something bad we think it explains why and erases any darkness or capacity for bad we know exists within us. There is nothing that can explain the Holocaust.  The reality is within each of us is the potential for good and evil.  We are measured by which inclinations we act upon. It all makes sense in our minds.  Our hearts provide a different and somewhat more challenging lens on giving and receiving credit.  According to the mind of our hearts, the credit lies in our being. When who we are being is an extension of the truth of our hearts it matches up with what the mind sees as credit worth having. When who we believe we are in the resonance of our hearts is anything less than the truth God has embodied us with we find ourselves living a life for which we either don’t want credit because it is shameful or taking credit for things which have brought darkness.  The direction we must travel to find the truth of who we are in the journey of the heart past the ideas of our minds into the breath and light of life.  We need the courage in our hearts to carry us through and the conviction of mind to not give up. What kind of credit we or others attribute to ourselves will come down to the resonance of our hearts and the courage to live from the place of the truth of our being.

We all have an inner critic.  For some of us, the inner critic is loud and for some, it is very quiet.  The easy thing to do is to villainize the critic or try to ignore it.  If you have ever found yourself judging yourself for something you thought was wrong and then judging yourself for judging yourself you know my dilemma.  Thankfully as a result of being open to how God sees things this is no longer my dominant perspective.  Approaching one’s inner critic as an amenity is one way to shift our perspective.  I did not create the inner critic, it seemed to just appear one day. This leads me to believe it is part of the design. Sometimes it may be an element of myself I struggle with, want to excise from my life, or am befuddled as to its purpose.  Yet none of my thinking about it has proven to make it obsolete.  If I could understand how God designed all the parts of who we are, then I would most likely be God.  What I can do is take the amenity approach. It is a way of opening the door of the heart to see what the inner critic is trying to convey.  If one has been around long enough, one has witnessed how people who are bullies are often trying to compensate for some weakness or those who tout themselves as above others are attempting to compensate for feeling less than. It is no different than what is happening for us internally.  Most of the time when I approach my inner critic with amenity I find out what is underneath it. Often it is fear, sometimes it is anger about something completely unrelated, and always it is another way of learning to embrace all of who I am with love.  I cannot hope to even broach the deeper level of what is trying to be conveyed if I am in judgment. Amenity is the lens of the heart, especially when being civil is the last thing we are inclined to use an approach with our inner critic.  I think often of a question I heard once: When you are at war with yourself, who wins?

I have found great value in connecting with an outlet which helps me to reconnect to whom I am at my core.  Writing is one of them for me. Being silly is another one.  Anything that allows me to express myself freely is an outlet.  Anything that shows me the fullness of who I am often outside of who I think I should be can be an outlet. We all have them, we all need them.  Our hearts call out to us to create and connect with them through an outlet. We live in a world full of ideas and expectations.  We live in a world driven by how the mind operates.  Sometimes it seems the minds that rule the world have neglected to set up an outlet to their hearts.  The outlet opens the channel for the heart and the mind to work together as they are designed to do.  At the physical level, if the heart is not getting oxygen to the brain, there is not much thinking going on.  At the same time, the brain sends electrical signatures to the heart to keep pumping.  Outlets provide an energetic current through which to be whole human beings.  Sometimes simply stopping and paying attention to my breath is an outlet to reconnect to my heart and be whole.

We associate the heart with kindness, love, and appreciation.  These elements of the heart are resounding but are often seen as nice things and something we only do when we are being good. What is often looked past is the cordial nature of those qualities. It is invigorating to live from a place of kindness and appreciation. The capacity of our courage comes from our hearts.  The fierceness of love comes from our hearts.  These invigorating elements of what it means to be alive come from the energy of our hearts.  Having compassion is a cordial quality.  It is not passive.  It is about living from the truth of who we are.  The cordial nature of our hearts is what brings us back to the inner knowing of our goodness.  Resonating with the cordial nature of our hearts gives us the strength to show up and be in the present moment.  There is nothing passive about living from the heart.  God invites us to reconnect to the cordial nature of our hearts where we can soak up the invigorating energy needed to participate in life. When we find ourselves weary and out of steam we can breathe into the cordial nature of our heart to find the energy to take the next indicated step.

So much of what we seem to be looking for as we go through our days is a reason to keep going. It is overstated that having a sense of purpose in our lives is powerful.   It sounds trite and rather confusing when it gets into the nitty-gritty of determining one’s purpose, but what if it is simple?  What if stringing together the little boosts of life that carry us from one moment to the next shows us our purpose?  We get a sense of ourselves through meaning.  Our minds are meaning-making machines.  We create meaning where in theory there is none.  Most of the time the meaning we create will fit the narrative of who we think we are.  God invites us to notice the boost we get from our hearts and how it can contribute to our sense of selves and why we are here.  What if the experience you planned to have did not work out but the exchange you had with the people involved while planning it was a boost from your heart to remind you how valuable a role you play in the lives of others by connecting with them?  Our minds will tell us we fail but our heart can provide the boost to our experience by reminding us just because it doesn’t look a certain way does not mean we have failed.  On my daily dates with God, I learned to connect with my heart through my breath. When I do not feel connected to or recognize the boost my heart is giving me all day long, all I have to do is go back to my breath.  We are by design given access to the boost we need to take one more step through our breath.  Think of how many boosts that is in one day.  Imagine how much meaning and purpose we could connect to when we acknowledge the boost provided by paying attention to our breath.  Bringing ourselves to the moment we are in shows us our purpose right now.