dailydatewithgod

We fundamentally understand the ideas that many things originate or grow from beneath the surface.  We get that when we are looking at something above ground there is often a foundation below it when it comes to a building or looking at a plant. It does not just appear above ground.  Why is it when it comes to human beings we assume we are dealing with everything about them based on what we see and hear?  How is it we take people at surface value?  We are amazed when we grow closer to people or take the time to get to know someone that there are many elements underneath what is presented.  We are even surprised when we recognize within ourselves how much is underneath our thinking, actions, and patterns.  If we are interested in changing any element in our lives we will not get very far at making consequential change until we start looking at what is underneath what we think is happening in our lives.  It can be scary if we have been told to sweep things under the rug or spent a lot of time growing up trying to hide elements of our lives from others.  It seems counterintuitive to go underneath whatever the behavior, thinking, or habits are showing up in our lives.  God invites us to embrace the courage of our hearts which sees with the light of love into the potentially darker space underneath ourselves.  Our heart has the capacity and the courage to do this because it is in full knowledge of the light within the underneath places.

So much of the language we use in our own minds is rather mindless.  We do not pay attention to the dialogue or rather monologue running in our heads.  It seems to be motored by necessity.  No wonder people balk at the idea of quieting their minds or think it is impossible.  From my daily dates with God, I have learned the way to quiet my mind starts with paying attention to the monologue.  One of the things I noticed early on and I still catch is the use of the word must.  It is in there a lot. It is as though something inside of me feels compelled by many things.  Learning not to judge the musts enables me to peek behind them to see what is motivating them.  There is often a push for some sort of perfectionist ideal which comes from someone or something else which my mind determined will keep me safe from criticism and abandonment.   In the end, that is usually what these musts are about: keeping me safe so I can survive. With the opportunity to see them for what they are I can invite the perspective of my heart in. God gives me the space on our dates to explore the musts and shows me how to see them through the eyes of my heart.  My heart itself has no musts, it simply knows that at this moment I am alive and have all the love I need within me.  When I invite this perspective to my mind, the pressure of the musts dies down and I soften.

We all have different styles of relating to others.  There are common factors within those different styles but it is easy to categorize them as friendly, harsh, abrupt, fearful, forceful, with or without energy, or gentle to name a few.  Our approaches to other people and ideas do a lot to shape how we perceive the response to our approach.  We like to take things as they are and pretend we have no impact on what comes back at us, but that is simply not true.  Our mindset and heart-set set the course of our approaches and play a role in our perception of what we are approaching.  The kinds of approaches are widely varied, but we tend to get comfortable with some more than others.  They become our default approaches.  We also often alter which approach we use depending on the environment, people, or various preconceived notions we have about what we are approaching.  Without consciously intending to we go into anything with an approach based on what we think or feel something or someone is going to be like.  We can do our best to consciously let go of any preconceptions but often there are preconceptions we are not even aware of that are so ingrained we do not realize they are anchoring our approach style.  What we learn becomes directly impacted by our approach.  It is not so much about getting rid of our approaches but becoming aware of them.  The degree to which we keep them present in mind and know which approaches will most likely create a non-desired outcome will determine how effective we are at trying a different approach.  We think we know that when our mom or friend speaks about a particular subject upon which we disagree with them we will want to approach them convincingly so they can see the error of their ways.  If we check in with ourselves and pay attention to what approach our heart would take it might be to simply listen with curiosity for the first time as though we had never heard them speak about it before.  By changing our approach we might learn something.  The something we might learn may be about the topic or our mom.  In the time I have spent on my daily dates with God I notice that my heart’s approach is more inclined towards curiosity and connection, whereas my mind’s approach is inclined towards insistence upon sharing my perspective and making my point.  They are both valid but being aware of them I can determine based on what I want to get out of an interaction, which approaches will best serve that purpose at the moment.

We are used to seeing tags on our clothing.  The little piece of fabric provides all kinds of useful information. It informs us of what we are dealing with. The tag tells you what the materials comprise the article, the size, how to care for it, and what to avoid doing enabling you to get the most optimal use out of it, and where it was made.  In most cases, we read the tag once and then cut it off and throw it away. We glance at it, categorize it with others that are similar and wear it.  Seldom do we stop to reflect on who was involved in the making of it from the designer to the person who put the label on the clothing. I have often wondered if it would be helpful for people to have tags.  We certainly do a lot of labeling of each other without having any information.  It would helpful to have a label of correct information to verify our ideas.  How much more care would we have towards other people if we knew what they were made of, where they come from, how to best take care of them and so on. I know it sounds a lot like how we treat our animals but often we do a better job in how we take care of our animals than our fellow human beings. What kind of tags do we give ourselves?  What words or turns of phrase do we say without much thought when describing ourselves.  What kind of tag does that provide those around us so they know how to take care of us? Given that we are formed over time and we develop an outside appearance and an inner reality, what would a true tag tell the world about who we are?  Just like some clothing, it is not what it seems.  God invites us to notice what tags we are wearing that we have placed on ourselves, were given to us by others and may or may not be applicable any longer.   By pausing to notice our self-made tags given we don’t actually have physical ones, we get an idea of what we think and feel about ourselves.  Our own tags show the world where we come from, what we are made of, and how to care for us.  What do you want your tag to say?

Sometimes in a world of variability, it is hard to know what we can count on.  One of the beautiful elements of life is its variety and the opportunity for choice.  It is a privilege to be able to make a choice from so many options.  The greater question is, how do we choose among the staunch elements of our lives?   How do we make staunch choices which align with what we desire in our hearts and in our minds? First, it helps to identify what areas of our lives we perceive as needing to be staunch. There are the elements the world tells us must be staunch but the reality is everything changes. How in a world where everything changes do we find elements of staunchness?  On my daily dates with God, I have learned to turn the intensity of my attention from what the world is doing to what is happening within me.  Where can I find elements of staunchness in my own awareness?  How can I in my thoughts, feelings, and actions be a staunch presence for myself? How can I remember that no matter what happens or what changes, the presence of love which God created within me is always there?  I can try to deny it, hide it, run from it, or take it for granted but the moment I take a breath and open up the space around my heart I can reconnect.  It is the staunchest element of my existence because no matter what I try to do or think I succeed at doing, I cannot undo the work of God. How can I make choices from a place of remembering what is truly staunch in my life?

So what does it mean to have all our ducks in a row other than that we have a row of ducks?  I was always puzzled by that phrase as it did not make any sense.  Maybe that is why they call them idioms given that they sound idiotic when taken out of the cultural context in which they are accepted as turns of phrase.  When we look at how we prepare and arrange our lives sometimes we come to the realization that we are doing nothing more than organizing a group of ducks.  Sounds silly, doesn’t it?  Perhaps because when we start thinking that life will go as we planned because of our arrangements it is silly as well.  I am all for being organized and a good planner as they are two of my best qualities but even I recognize the limitations of arranging things.  It is good to have preferences and know how we like things but when it comes to arranging a whole life, that is more like a God job.  The best focus of my arranging comes in how I deal with what is right in front of me.  Not what is in front of you or God.  When I stay within my scope of arranging I can explore, be creative, push myself to stretch, and most importantly let go of thinking of arranging another or life as a whole.  We have all thought at one time or another, “everything would be fine if they or it went the way I suggested.”  Even when we have the outside all arranged and all can tell our ducks are in a nice row, it does not signify that we have done any arranging of our internal world.  When we find ourselves occupied by what is happening outside of us where we cannot arrange things or people the way we want, it is a sign we need to focus on arranging our insides.  There are no ducks in our hearts, and it will not necessarily go in a row, but the opportunity for exploration, creativity, and the courage to open ourselves more to the light of love which longs to shine through us.  Each day on my daily date with God I present what I am arranging in my life and God points me back to my heart.  God reminds me to get reacquainted with the arrangement of love placed in my heart upon which my spirit arranges itself with each breath.

It sounds funny to hear about groupthink. It is easily brushed aside as not something that occurs because we simply believe we could not get wrapped up in it.  We are individuals and free thinkers.  However, if the information we are using to formulate our thinking is coming from particular sources and others are not accessible, we are likely to get swept up in thinking like others think.  Groupthink runs the spectrum from harmless to dangerous and therefore must be kept in check.  On one level it is just easier to go along than to question something, or so we think.  Maybe that is the prevalent societal thought: “Don’t rock the boat.”  One of my favorites is: “Everybody else sees it this way.” Yet, how many people throughout history are the ones who woke us up to a new way of being because they questioned what was prevalent in our society?  Most history makers are the ones who do not accept the prevalence of a particular thought or idea.  They chose to ask questions about the prevalence of a particular way of being and operating in the world.  Often they are balked at and disregarded as silly and rebellious.  In some cases, they are seen as immature and needing to learn a lesson.  We can each do something even more valuable than question groupthink. We can start by questioning what we think.  We have so many thoughts which go through our mind and we attach our sense of self from them.  So many of the prevalent ones fly under the radar and we do not realize we are operating within them.  If we open up our hearts to observe the most prevalent ones we can often get at the root of what is causing us to behave in a manner we find baffling about ourselves.  Underlying the prevalent thoughts is the opportunity to look at what is working in our lives and if it is lined up the truth of us at our core. Groupthink which we chide on a societal level is only a magnification of the process of going along with the prevalent thoughts inside our own heads about who we are.  Questioning the prevalent thoughts with the compassion of the heart is the beginning of creating individual thinking which works regardless of whether it is prevalent or not.

We don’t get through this life on our own.  We can be very resourceful and figure things out but ultimately we will also benefit from interaction with others.  Given the design of the life of a human and how a baby cannot be self-sustaining, it makes sense that so much of our growth comes from interacting with others.  We learn from them, we grow from and with them, and we figure out who we are from our interplay with others. Our self-knowledge comes not because others tell us who we are but because we get to see who we are being when we are around them.  We do not live at the effect of others, we notice what it is about others which generates an energetic reaction.  We think that others make us feel or do things, but this is not so.  We may find ourselves in a reaction and not know how we got there, but somewhere along the way, we made a choice.  The choice may be hidden because it was patterned in us during a formative time of our lives, but it is ours now.  The reactions we are experiencing allow us to wake up and learn to investigate who we have become and how much it is aligned or misaligned with who we are at our core.  If the reaction lines up with our own internal truth then we can honor it and be grateful for it.  If it is not we can thank the reaction for occurring and ask God for the courage to take a deeper look at what it is designed to teach us. We think it is easier to blame it on others but that is a protective mechanism coming from a place of fear. A fear we most likely were taught in some way of drawing closer to ourselves and owning our power. God invites us to pause and look at our reactions-good, bad, or indifferent with the heart’s lens of curiosity.  When we can pause and take a breath, we begin to hear the heart’s desire to show us how to respond instead of reacting.

“Signs are everywhere.” It is a simple line we have all heard from one source or another at some point in our lives. Perhaps it is the inclination to make meaning out of everything we can but life does seem to be full of signs. There are the literal ones we see on billboards and roadways. We have signs on shelves of products in a store as well as above the aisles. There are signs on doors and buildings. We literally cannot get away from them. Some are signs of images or words or both. We also have internal signs generated by thoughts, feelings, and body processes. A funny and rather quirky element of life is how internal signs can sometimes show up externally. Signs inform, warn, and provide insight. Signs guide us, protect us, make us laugh, and help us make sense of the world. As we learn to connect to our own inner knowing we see how it too can guide, protect, inform, and help us make sense of our lives. Signs generate signals as we place meaning on them.  Turning to our breath and our heart moment by moment helps us to slow down and identify the internal signs which speak to who we are being. Our awareness of the signs from our heart, mind, and body speak invites us to get to know what meaning we are placing on the experiences of our lives.

The various ways in which we can and will grow are endless.  It is not linear by any means.  I used to think it was.  In my life I went from one grade up to the next grade.  I took one step on the ladder up and then the next. Growing as a person may have a particular intellectual ascent upward according to most school systems but life is more like a series of twists and turns on a roller coaster. It is somewhat beyond our comprehension given our conditioning in western culture to the drive for forward and upward motion of growth. If we look at how nature is, we see something different.  Nature is cyclical.  We are both nature and nurture.  We can adapt by being upward and forward-moving but there will be a pullback down to pause and reflect.  We will find ourselves pulled into cycles of refresh and renewal.  Our hearts will call us to beat fast, then slow, and to modulate our heart rate based on the circumstance of our being in the moment.  We can see ourselves as being a victim to the pulling of these different directions in life or we can hop along for the ride.  The mystery of life is dynamic and multifaceted. We can either be afraid because it does not pull us forward and upward all the time and make it personal like there is something wrong with us or we can connect with the pulling back and forth and all around between the nature and the nurturing of who we are becoming.  I have spent lots of time pushing and making and pursuing and driving myself to move forward and upward.  These are important experiences but they are not more important than surrendering to the pulling of my heart to pause and reflect, to rest and come back around to see something with new eyes.  The pulling does not need to be seen as something downward and backward unless we choose to see it that way.