dailydatewithgod

The beauty of God’s vision is the wholeness through which it operates. When we see ourselves and others through the eyes of our hearts, we see a wholeness and a completeness which is the very essence of our being.  Love does not witness broken parts or separated selves.  Love’s vision is complete and continues to hold its vision despite what our minds tell us is happening.  Some of our greatest accomplishments have helped us distinguish our different elements.  Our minds are bodies, our spirits are all parts of ourselves but when we stayed focused on the separateness we lose the message. They work together in a very intricate way and need the complete package to be the complete package.  In the same way it happens as we view each other as only separate.  Yes, we are physically men, women, children, elderly, authority figures, poor, rich, kind, mean and all the many variations of who we are and how we show up in the world.  They are all valid but our ability to thrive and create comes from our coming together.  Finding the complete spaces where we work together as kind and mean, strong and weak, men and women, children and elders, left and right, foreign and domestic is what allows us to grow and be our whole selves.   We think by only surrounding ourselves by those like us are we able to create more love.  Yet when we find the heart space to make room for those who seem most separate from us we can create a completeness of being that would not be there otherwise.

The Spirit of Creation lives and thrives within all of us.  It is the part of us that finds hope in the most desolate and remote experiences.  It is the one extra breath we manage to find amidst the suffocation of life.   It is the joy that catches us laughing as things are falling apart.  This gladness is the evidence of life continuing to create even as things are dying.  It is hard to imagine when we are face down in a time or season of darkness that light will ever come again. It is always darkest before the dawn.  Yet gladness is the energy of expectancy that maybe because it happened yesterday, it will happen again.  It is the trust after each exhale will come another inhale and again and again.  I heard it once said that the reason breath work is so powerful is not because of the number of breaths in or out or the amount of time in between but because of the concentrated attention and decision that one will come after the other.  Our mind relaxes at the promise of the next breath in or out.  There is a sanctity and a gladness found for the mind in the space between.  The gladness of our hearts allows us to be in the in between spaces and not get lost entirely.  It is a trust in the ebb and flow between the b and the f.  Gladness is where our heart fills in the blanks of our minds willing us to hold out just long enough to let love win again and again.

I used to wonder a lot how it was possible to know what God’s will is for me. It is not as though God was going to appear to me with a list of things to do or send an angel to sit on my should with a specific directive every time.  So how in the course of my day was I supposed to know if I was doing my will or God’s will?  Our daily dates have taught me a lot about what it means to listen and hear the voice of God.  I don’t mean hearing an actual voice, but when I am bent on doing something my way, there is often a loud and booming voice in my head.  The moment I pause to consider another option I get a bunch of objections.  It I were to give that voice a visual it would look a lot like a child throwing a temper tantrum.  I know because I used to throw those when I was a kid.  I have learned that what I am hearing there is not God’s voice.  The motivation of that childish voice is fear, anger, loneliness, seeing approval, and proving worth.  I know God motivates from the space of love, approval, worthiness, exploration, and learning.  So an alternative idea to the one screaming in my head would likely be the voice of God.  When I am attuned to the voice of God the answers are often simple, straight forward, and seek to create more love.  So while I don’t hear a literal voice, hearing the themes of love, approval, worthiness, joy, exploration, learning, and peace speak loud enough.

There are many, many thoughts that go through our minds throughout the day.  Many we don’t even realize because they are the same thoughts over and over. The ones we notice are the ones we latch onto.  The ones we allow to lead us down a path of thinking about it and formulating ideas and stories.  The question is, do those stories lead us in a direction that supports us or brings us down? Do they help us to grow or keep us stuck?  Do they convey the idea that we are worthy and here for a purpose or we might as well call it a day?  The first step is to recognize that each thought that leads us is an opportunity to explore it. It’s not about shutting it down or making it wrong.  It is an indication of where our thoughts spend their time and what message they are trying to tell us about ourselves.  I have had many terrible thoughts that I found leading me down a dark spiral and at first I ignored them, fought them, or made myself wrong for having them. Strangely, that did not work.  Then, God showed me how to invite them in and see what they were there to tell me.  A mindfulness practice usually involves learning how to be with oneself and that means all of oneself, body, mind, and spirit.  When we stop running from what is leading us, we have the power to steer the direction by using it to find the light hidden beneath the darkness.

Functioning under the belief that my heart had suffered too much injury and I needed to keep it under lock and key to protect it was a logical choice given the circumstances.  I had just had my heart broken in two.  I was in college and it was the ending of the relationship between myself and my first love.  I remember telling God, “Well, I guess it’s just you and me again.” I vowed I would not open my heart up again until I was certain that the person I was with was someone who I would be with for a very long time.  I was young and hurt and I did not realize I was setting myself up to suffer even more.  It did not occur to me that my desire to protect my heart essentially cut off my own access to it.  I thought I was doing the prudent thing.  After all, my heart genuinely felt like it had been not just broken but yanked out, cut into a million little pieces and then tossed back at me.  In recovery and establishing a more authentic relationship with God I see the fallible safety measures I set up for myself.  I gave myself an excuse from opening up my heart again to myself or others.  I was in a lot of pain and practicing a lot of self-destruction, like someone who did not have access to her own heart by the time I humbly crawled into recovery.  I also did not have the vaguest idea at the time the other elements from my past with which I had not dealt.  Now I realize as God has shown me on our dates that my perception of needing to be the one to protect my heart, while well-meaning, actually caused me to keep re-injuring myself.  God showed me that the protection I was seeking was actually in place from the beginning of my existence.  God set it up so that no matter what we experience in life, our hearts cannot be truly injured.  It can feel that way and we can think it so, but our human experience cannot change our spiritual essence  living vibrantly in our hearts.  I built up walls and put layers of ice and chains on top of my heart and then lost sight of the truth of my heart and only saw my protective measures.  After a while I figured there was no point in looking to see if anything else was there.  God led me gently into breaking down and letting go of the layers of protection I had set up around my heart to reveal a light still burning brightly with love always protected by its never-ending connection to love itself.

Being with God is not only the safest but the most peaceful places to be. God dwells in eternal love and light.  Within our hearts is the dwelling of God.  There is a vital connection God creates upon our beginning which can never be severed ensuring God always having a dwelling place in our lives.  We can cover it up, we can try to run from it, we can block it out, we can deny it, we can convince ourselves it is not possible, and we can make up stories and find facts to dispute it.  I know I have tried pretty much every one of those variations at some point.  My head would just not be convinced that anything worthwhile could be gained from reconnecting with something inside me.  Luckily God is patient and never waivers in belief of us finding our way home.  As the world I created came tumbling down and broke open the guard I had built upon my heart, I can began to see through the cracks of my thinking.  Slowly and persistently because I had run out of other good ideas I began to spend some time, which I now refer to as my dates with God, exploring the dwelling near and eventually in the heart space where God lives.  I am not saying I connect with it on every date but once I remembered it, I could no longer look away.  I am reminded in the words of one of my favorite songs by Martika:  “Even when there’s no peace outside my window, there’s peace inside.  And that’s why I no longer run.”  When I spend time in the dwelling place on our dates I am restored to the knowledge of who I am as always connected to light and love along with everyone else.

As a teacher I would start the year off with a specific exercise I learned from a mentor teacher designed to provide students with a different perspective on the power of choice and responsibility in our lives.  I realized that I continually benefited from the reminder.  The students were instructed to complete the following sentence: “I have to ________. ”  Typically they would write homework, go to school, listen to my parents and the like.  It did not matter what they put as long as it was what was true for them.  Then, they were instructed to cross out “have to” and write “choose to.” Immediately they balked and were certain the sentence was no longer true and arguments ensued.  As I look at that sentence today I am reminded of what I would tell the students.  We always have a choice.  We may not like the choices, but we still have them.  I may be choosing to avoid the unwanted consequences of not doing what I perceive as a have to do, but then I am still choosing. Sometimes the most powerful choice is the one to ask God for a new perspective on what I perceive as a have to.

Recently I have been walking through some old emotional wounds from the incest and while the details are not important, the process is. As I gain greater acceptance of part of the reality of what I lived with as a kid, I find myself unintentionally visiting thoughts and feelings buried long ago.  They are still present in my body and as the design of life occurs the one needing to be seen and then released are revealed to me with greater clarity. The intentional part is my commitment to healing and wholeness so I can be more present in my life today with an open heart. Having walked through this process throughout the years, I have grown in trusting what God bring me to, God will bring me through.  Things come up because they are calling out to be transformed by the light of love instead of remaining in the shadows of shame.  Only God is capable of shinning the power of light and love need to release some of these old wounds.  I am grateful I trust her enough to invite her into the process and am baffled at times in his confidence of my courage.  God manages to somehow turn trash into treasures.  God is all about unveiling the treasures hidden in the dark spaces of our soul.  She is just waiting for the invitation.  What I learn from being in this process for any area of my life, big or small is that where darkness abides, light brings freedom.  I can utilize the same process for minor irritations, distraught conversations, or any area where my heart remains in the chamber of fear.  Starting with my breath, God extends a hand to help me find the buried treasures below the veil of darkness because it God never forgets they are the real truth.

One of my favorite songs is “This Little Light of Mine.”  I remember hearing and learning it as a kid and perhaps because it’s so catchy you can’t help but join in when you hear it.  One of the less known verses of the song says, “out there in the dark, I’m gonna let it shine . . .let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.”  It reminds me that it is not about how bright my light is or how remarkable the shine is or even if it shines on anything specific or important.  It’s about it being my light and me choosing to let it shine.  Within each of us is an abundance of light ready to shine when we get out of the way and stop blocking it. The light of love was placed in us by God and the purpose was for all around the world a light would shine for all to see.  When we forget ourselves in our darkness, it is others who shine their light reminding us we have it within us too.  When we notice the dark in our house, in a friend, at our job, in the car, or on-line we have light we can shine.  Darkness is simply the absence of light. When the light shines, the darkness cannot exist.  We all have our own ways of shining and God intended us that way.  It is not about seeing who or where we can shine our light.  Like a lighthouse it is about shining where we are in this moment.  Those who are drawn to our light will step right up to benefit from our shine.

As we are walking into the quieter season of nature where in the northern hemisphere things go dormant, hunker down, and get darker, hope is not a word that comes to mind easily.  It is an interesting paradox, for those of us who live in the western commercialized world,  amidst this same quiet time is the frenzy of the holiday season.  I can only speak of my experience in the United States but Christmas is believed to be celebrated all around the world.  Why else would Santa need to travel so fast to get everywhere on Christmas eve?  In the Christian tradition there is a profound experience of light being born in the world amidst the darkness and cold of winter.  The celebration of Jesus’ birth rings with signs of hope.  I find it curious that his birth would occur amidst a rough political climate in Israel and to a young pregnant girl not even certain of a room in which to birth her child.  Perhaps God is trying to demonstrate that being about hope is not about waiting for the right circumstances or even being ready.  Hope lives in a place in our hearts which encourages to keep showing up and keep moving forward despite what things look or feel like on the outside.  When we choose to be about hope it means linking ourselves to God’s vision that nothing short of a miracle can happen at any moment.  So as I face my own darkness and wonder if I will ever make it out, I can ask God to continue to bring me about-face and see the hope emerging from the very darkness I can’t imagine it residing in.