dailydatewithgod

One of God’s greatest gifts to us is her ability to see that we are more capable than we realize.  He looks at our hearts and knows the scope of the power of love to move in and through us.  I am continually humbled by God’s willingness to expand the scope of my heart past what I think in my mind can occur.  Just when I think nothing is changing and I am stuck in the same place whether it is a circumstance or a relationship, there is a subtle shift powered by grace that shows up.  I share with God my willingness to see the situation or the person differently. God shares with me the opportunity to pray for and thus spend time in my heart reflecting on this person or situation.  Then I find myself in it and it is the same.  I turn to God and question the value of continuing to pray. God reminds me that if nothing else I am spending time in my own heart.  So I take a deep breath and keep going.  I am reminded of something C.S. Lewis said about how we pray not to change or make God hear us, but to be changed by God through the experience of prayer.  That is the heart’s goal and some days my body is worn and not interested in the expansive scope of my heart.  Yet when I show up on my daily dates with God I cannot ignore the quiet nudging to keep moving forward and persevering.  God reminds me that she is mysterious and gracious and will not abandon me as I move through the chambers of guards around my heart to reach its core.  Then without any indication, I find myself walking into the situation or relationship and things go differently.  My heart feels lighter, there is less worry, and I can see more clearly the innocence of those around me and myself.  Over time I notice this in every situation and relationship. I get it, as though hit between the eyes. God is showing me the expansive scope of my heart.

God is the embodiment of peacefulness.  The good news is we are made in God’s image so we are peacefulness by design.  The path of aligning ourselves with the truth of who we are is the ever evolving dance of life. There are moments in a typical day where I feel the farthest sense of peace.  I know in the truth of my heart it never leaves but if feels like someone left the door open and it took off.  I find myself frustrated and impatient. I see what is wrong instead of what I am grateful for and I can feel my heart closing off to the people with whom I come into contact.  I notice it happens in particular if something important in my life is unresolved.  I need my daily prayer and meditation date with God each morning to re-calibrate myself with this peacefulness.  Not just so that I am not bothered but rather I remember who I am called to be for myself and others in the world.  Peacefulness puts things in perspective.  It doesn’t mean everything is going my way or even that there is nothing chaotic present.  It means that despite those things being present, I know in my heart of hearts who I am is not changed by it.  I can be affected by the discord but I am not full of discord.  I can catch myself engaging in actions that are not peaceful and use them as a signal that I have gotten off course.  God is ready to gently welcome me back to the truth of who I am when I reach out and ask for help to remember.  Often throwing up my hands in frustration is the action which reminds me, oh, right, not in my control or I see what is happening and I do not have to make it who I am.  It doesn’t mean my daily date with God that morning was a waste. The fact that I catch myself before a whole week has gone by lets me know it’s not a waste.  Me sensing God’s nudge reminding me of my truth lets me know it’s not a waste.  No, it doesn’t look the way I would like, or it’s not how it happened last time, but since when is God interested in life being the same expression of love or light the same?

Sometimes I feel like the hardest road to travel is the one from my heart to my head or vice versa.  For many years there were endless roadblocks around my heart.  When you shut down access it makes it hard to get somewhere but not impossible.  God always knows how to lead me back to my heart.  I see now it starts with paying attention to my breath.  It helps when I get quiet and in the end it is about remembering in my head to turn to my heart.  In my years of recovery I have learned it is not about making my ego wrong or getting pissed off that I am stuck in my head.  It is about recognizing that when I feel I have lost access to my own heart, I can rely on the One who never loses access.  The One whose voice gently reminds me to slow down, take a breath, and remember I am not alone.  The reminder rarely shows up the way I think it will and it is different every time.  I do know it is distinct knowing that only God seems to possess.  I hope the more dates we go on and the closer I get to God, I will acquire the same distinctness.