dailydatewithgod

 For a long time I thought for sure God was not listening.  Growing up all I wanted to do was get out of my parents house and be free. Free to be myself, to not have to live up to other people’s expectations, to do my own thing.  I kept praying to be made thin because I thought for sure that everything in my life would be better if only I were thin.  But none of those things were happening.  I went to church every week, I volunteered my time, I was a really good person.  I was selfless and tolerant, I went out of my way to make sure others had what they needed.  Surely, I should be granted my wishes, right? It was like I saw God as some sort of big Santa Clause in the sky.  He had me on his nice list and he wasn’t delivering.  What was up? I began to think that even though on some level that God and I were connected and I felt his presence that he really didn’t hear me. The question I should have been asking is did I hear me?  How could I possibly be thin if I kept punishing myself by abusing myself with food?  How could I be free of others expectations when I kept relying on them to tell me whether or not I was okay and had permission to exist?  How could I be free of my parents house if I didn’t want to be responsible for my own life?  I was so busy buying into a story of who I was based on circumstances that occurred as a child, that I had managed to make food and other people my God.  So while I was praying to a God above, I was acting as though His power was not enough to truly sustain me.  It was not until I took a genuine leap of faith and began to believe that God, The God, was either everything or he wasn’t then I was freed from my food addiction and my need for approval from others.  Don’t get me wrong, I still get tripped up around what other people think of me.  But for the most part, I am able to bring it back to God and say, what do you think?  At the end of the day, all I have to ask is, did I stick close to him and did I do his work well?  That includes taking good care of myself, being loving and tolerant of others and making a positive contribution, laughing and enjoying life, and being grateful for all that I  have and don’t have.  I am always heard by God, I just don’t’ always hear God because I am too distracted or involved in things that are not of God—sometimes it is my thinking, sometimes it is a person or a situation.  Either way, if I am looking to that thought or person or situation to tell me who I am then I am not hearing God—I am only hearing me.  My prayer for you today is that you may first hear you—what are you telling you about you?  Then, may you experience being heard by God (all is taken care of my child, I love you.).  Make it a great one!  Peace~Colleen

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