dailydatewithgod

I used to think that I had to want to do something to do it.  I didn’t realize that I could be willing to do something I didn’t want to do. Willingness requires a level of maturity. Wanting implies a desire and a drive to make something happen.  It is not immature, but I often think of the flip side of it, “I don’t want to.” (Insert picture of two-year old with her arms folded across her chest and stomping her feet.)  When I remember that I have a choice, I always have a choice, I can become willing.  Willingness sometimes comes out a desire for the alternative not to continue.  I no longer want to pay the consequences of treating my body badly and not giving it nourishing foods, so I become willing to eat better.  When it comes time to eat the actual nourishing food instead of the food that “want” to eat, I choose the nourishing food.  What happens in time, is that my wanting merges with my willingness.  I see God as present in my willingness.  It is a trusting that things might turn out differently that I imagine they will.  And given that my head often tells the worst case scenario story, it is very likely that it will not be as bad as I am picturing.  In fact, it might turn out even better.  I came across a quote years ago by Herbert Spencer that caused me to laugh out loud because it described my attitude to a “T”:  “There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which can not fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”  It was humbling to acknowledge that I often approached and made decisions without investigation, without experimentation.  On some level I never learned that it was okay to try things and make mistakes.  I came from the idea that I should know how to do it.  When I began to look at the things that I told myself I should know how to do and realized that there was no way I would know that, I began to be willing to investigate.  I began to try things out, to not make a decision about how it was going to be before it actually happened.  I think all of us suffer from that, at least I hope I am not alone in this.  My mind, given its programming, will look at a situation, pull from the corresponding file for a past experience and make a decision before anything has happened.  This is not a bad thing and great in emergent situations, but it can be limiting as not all of life is an emergency. If I am willing to connect with God and be open to a new experience then I can investigate.  A few months ago I was writing a letter to God about some situation in my life.  I find it helpful to get my thinking out on paper, if it just stays in my head it too long, it gets murky in there. In my writing I shared with God that I was in fear that my actions would not give the desired result and I saw that as a waste of time.  As I finished the sentence, I felt this inclination to write as though God were responding and what came back to me was “what is this word “waste”?”  I felt as though God was trying to tell me that I was seeing it that way, but he does not.  God sees all as learning and growing.  There are no wasted experiences or interactions and when I look back at my life, I can see that is true.  The fact of the matter is that I have no idea how things are going to turn out.  I just have to do what is right in front of me to do.  When I am willing to show up and be used by God for the greater good, when I am willing to put my agenda aside, when I am willing to investigate and experiment I get a whole catalog of life experiences.  This is the peace and beauty of life as it unfolds.  When I stick to what I want there are only limited possibilities because to be quite honest, sometimes I don’t really know what it is that I do want.  My wants are usually based on what my ego has convinced me that I need.  I guess the Rolling Stones said it best, “You can’t always get what you want . . . but if you try sometime,  you just might find, you get what you need.”–oh yah.  My prayer for you today is that you experience willingness (God) to try sometime and get what you need.  Make it a great one!  Peace~Colleen

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