dailydatewithgod

I spent a majority of my life looking for approval from other people.  I thought that if they said that I was okay and I was doing well that it was true.  I didn’t stop to realize that there was never enough of that or how dangerous.  I say dangerous because it left me completely  dependent upon the mood and mindset of other people.  It was great when it worked out, but if I caught someone having a bad day they would have found something wrong with what Mother Teresa did.  I didn’t realize that I was making them my God when I looked to them–teachers, parents, friends, co-workers, society, etc to tell me that I was okay and doing right.  I think the voice inside my head that was ready to point out all the things I was doing wrong was so loud that I had no other choice then to look outside of me. And to be honest, because there was no space in my head for approval it didn’t fully register which means that I needed it more and more from the outside.  The switch came for me when I became courageous enough to question and confront that voice within me.  This meant I had to get still and quiet.  Instead of just buying into the message that rang between my ears, I stopped and said “Really, what makes you say that?”  The first thing that happened was that it stopped.  Just the mere fact that I was questioning it caused it to stop dead in its tracks.  Once I had that opening I could then reassert myself.  I could acknowledge all the things that I am doing right.  I could ask God, what do you think?  It takes courage to wake up and face our stories.  It takes courage to not just buy into the madness that resides between our ears.  The story, and it is a story, of me doing things wrong is an old and worn one.  It is one that I took on as a kid to make sense of the circumstances in my life that didn’t make sense.  But I am not that little girl anymore.  It is a worn groove and when I am stressed or worn out, it creeps back in there.  The beauty of it is that I can stop and question it. By creating a time of pause and reflection that I have with God every morning, I am able to bring moments of pause into my day. Then, I can present evidence of self-approval.  I build a new muscle.  At first, just like when building new muscles in my body, I am sore.  But before I know it I have grown in strength.  Then when I am acknowledged by others it sticks.  I can own it because I recognize it.  I am not using it to bat away at all the negativity inside of me.  It connects with the sense of approval I feel from God and with the truth of my life.  My prayer for you today is that you create a space to pause and question one of your old stories, ask God how he sees it.  Make it a great one!  Peace~Colleen