dailydatewithgod

Most of us have no idea what we are doing! Maybe I am just speaking for myself and some of you might relate, but for a person who lives intentionally and practices loving kindness to the best of her ability I am baffled a lot of the time by how things turn out.  I am surprised by all the twists and turns that life takes.  The good news is that the uncertainty does not throw me off course the way that it used to.  I spent a large portion of my life trying so hard to hold on to what I thought I knew.  I was sure if I just did all the right things, said all the right things, and didn’t disobey any laws that nothing would go wrong.  However, it did not work out that way.  All sorts of things went “wrong.”  The funny part is that before I made a decision to trust God more, I doubled my efforts.  I did more of what I thought was expected of me, tried to be more perfect, please more people, and got more quiet.  Honestly, this just meant I needed more help to do so. For me that meant food.  I have shared here before that I used food like some people use alcohol and drugs.  I am so grateful that almost 12 years ago I found another way to deal with life.  A way where I do not have to hurt myself to get through life. A way that reminds me on a daily basis, several times a day that God is in charge.  As long as I stop trying to manage life to suit me and have confidence that no matter how many things go “wrong”, it still does not mean that I “am wrong”, life is more doable and breathable.  The illusion of control is just that, an illusion.  The voice of control is the same one that tells me that whatever I am thinking or doing it is wrong and others disapprove and I should really second guess myself.  We all have our stories and that is one that I took on at a very early age.  As most neuroscientists will tell you, we all have that to some extent.  The vision of something wrong comes from a time in evolution where we had to be on the lookout for what was wrong because it meant our very life if we did not see “it” coming.  (“It” by the way, was usually something like a wild animal or a storm pattern in a time of no shelter, etc.) The reality today is that our brain interprets the “its” the same whether they are lions, tigers, and bears or bosses, spouses, and taxes.  This means that whatever we feel will impact our survival we react as though it is life threatening. It may just call for an adjustment to our lifestyle.  For me, I know that I find the greatest peace not in trying to control myself or allude myself into thinking I am controlling my environment, but rather stepping closer into relationship with God.  When I am open to just being who God wants me to be–a fully and live expression of love, light, compassion, beauty, acceptance, strength, and courage, then I am free.  When I walk in the confidence that God has my back (because why would the Creator create something only to want it to be destroyed), I can embrace the uncertainties as learning lessons to bring me closer to who I truly am.  My prayer for us today is that we be willing to let go of a little control and the idea that our experiences define us and breathe into the confidence God.  Make it a great one!  Peace~Colleen