I am not sure if it comes from watching too much television as a kid or just wanting so much to not be where I was but somehow I entered adulthood with this distinction that tells me there is a problem if I don’t get the happy ending or the things are not tidy by the end. Maybe it is part of the human condition. I always thought it was my job to do things or behave in such a way that nothing bad could ever come from my actions. I suppose it is a level of perfectionism but more than that it is a faulty idea that what is, is not what it is supposed to be. It was imparted to me by parents and teachers that learning was good and growth was good, but I missed the lesson on how to withstand trials. When those processes of growth occurred, I learned to find fault with them. I figured I must have done something wrong to bring them on. I must have deserved the challenge or trial. The funny part is that it didn’t work the other way. When things came easy and worked out, I wasn’t allowed to take credit for having done things right. It just happened or I got lucky. Talk about a raw deal! Mind you most of this was just the examination in my head. There were certainly people in my life who acknowledged me and said thank you when I made a contribution, but I wasn’t able to internalize it. I thought it would be immodest. Not being able to receive has been a huge learning curve in my life. I am certain I am not the only person who has ever felt this way, but it is one of those thing that people don’t talk about. As if to do so would mean that one was too stupid to have figured out that it is wacky thinking. My date time with God has provided me with an invaluable experience of the power of showing up no matter what. I am present every morning, whether I want to be or not. I show up even if I don’t feel like it. My head doesn’t stop the thoughts even once the entire meditation time but I sit there. Other times I feel angry, frustrated, ungrateful, but I present myself as is to God. Then there are the times when I fall asleep. However, every time I come out of our date with a sense that God appreciates my presence and sees it as valuable. In the consistency the fruits of love have grown. Love for God, love for myself, love for others, love for nature, love of the process of life and yes, love of the imperfections of myself and others, and the day I am in.
Be of Consistency!
on December 11, 2015My prayer for us is a willingness to show up to God just as we are no matter how we feel or what we think and see what happens each time we do it today.
Are you willing to begin today by presenting yourself to God just as you are and over and over again throughout this day and see what unfolds? Share in the comments.
dailydatewithgod 
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