dailydatewithgod

After spending most of my life thinking I was not worthy of the air I was given to breathe, it took quite a bit of mind shift to turn my thoughts to a place of worthiness.  I did not think I was the worst person on the planet but I conducted myself in such a way that made it clear that I felt I owed everyone an explanation as to why I did the things I did.  I carried a fundamental fear that people were going to find out what was going on (a result of growing up in an incestuous home, i.e. a home with an under current of shame), motivated everything I did and said.  Breaking out of the mold of those ideas meant taking on God’s thinking is a process. I do not need to prove my worthiness it just is because God created me.  It always strikes a chord with me when I hear someone apologize for no reason.  I used to do that all the time.  When I began to listen to the words I used to preface sentences such as “I am afraid . . . ” or “I am sorry . . .,”  it became clear that I felt a disproportionate sense of responsibility all the while not being worthy of having such responsibility. Its sounds crazy because it was, but it was what I knew.  Taking the planet off my shoulders and placing my life in God’s hands each day on our date gives me the opportunity to be a person of worth simply because I exist.  When I am not busy taking blame or carrying shame I am free to share the light of love that lives in my heart with others.  I can stand tall and know that I am not perfect but I am doing my best to be the truth of who I am at my core and see others the same.  I am a firm believer that people are doing what they know and sometimes we just need to expand our knowing.