In know one of the greatest tools I have learned in my recovery is to pause. When I was entrenched in my disease I had no sense of what it meant to pause. If it had anything to do with an agonizing space of silence I would avoid it. I was not someone who would necessarily react quickly. I was much more the type to stand back and wait, but the pause I did not have was the one within me. As a survivor I learned how to make myself invisible and unseen or at least I thought that was what I was doing. Just keep quiet, no one really cares what you think or feel, just disappear. I blotted out as best I could my sense of self by keeping quiet in the public arena while destroying myself with my thoughts and my habits on the inside. I never shared what I was really thinking because you would think I was disturbed and when I did let it seep out I would cover it up with humor. The learning to pause gave me some space between a thought and a belief. I assumed because it was a thought running through my head, it must be true. Once in a while I would earnestly seek out God’s guidance but God always seemed to take too long. I determined it was quicker to get some relief even if it was harmful to my body or my psyche. The recovery process taught me to pay attention to my thinking and I learned key expressions like, “Thanks for sharing” when talking to myself. Little by little God was guiding me to sit in the pause like I sat in meditation each morning on our date. I realized I could pause, take a breath, and question my thinking instead of taking it as gospel. I learned the pause provided the badly needed boundaries in my internal life and consequently they showed up in my outer life. Pausing and breathing is the one thing I can do when I don’t know what else to do. Over time I have learned to hear the angels tell me to hang on to my heart in those moments and take another breath if needed. Anything that needs to be answered will be brought to my now more open mind since I paused to put some new breath in there.
Be From Pausing!
on August 18, 2017My prayer for us is the willingness to try pausing in a moment when we might rush to jump on the bandwagon of our thinking today.
dailydatewithgod 
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