dailydatewithgod

I used to fear making a mistake because I thought it meant I was a mistake.  I assumed that others judged me the same harsh way I judged myself and if I made an error it was a reflection of who I truly was as an individual. This drove some insane push for perfectionism when it came to speaking up and sharing my perspective.  I had to weigh every possible objection you might have or clear with myself every way I may be behaving in a way similar to a way that you were doing before I could say anything. I reached some moments in my life when I didn’t care and just spoke up.  There were also times when it slipped out and I could tell I caught people by surprise.  Only in recovery have I developed the muscle of making errors as a stepping stone to growth.  The errors in judgment or an idea I have is not the problem.  Of course, I am not going to get it right no matter how much I figure out ahead of time. What is important is my willingness to stay open to being corrected.  To get that when I am shown the error of my thinking, it is not a reflection on me.  It is not because I did not completely vet it out ahead of time or consider all the options.  It is not because I never know what the correct thing to do or say is.  It is not because I am an idiot.  It is where I was in the moment I was in with the information I had at the time.  The error is not a reflection of being an error-ed human being.  I learned it is important for me to know where I am in the moment in order to be open to a different way of thinking.  If I can never admit to myself or anyone else what I am thinking or feeling about a person, place or thing right now; how can I be shown another possibility?  Others will never get to know me and what I think and feel if I am always holding back.  I will lose out on the opportunity to be in relationship and grow along with others if I am so busy hiding my errors or my perceived errors.