dailydatewithgod

My daily dates with God have taught me the power of being in the moment.  I never realized how much time I spent thinking about the past or the future until I was willing to practice being in the here and now.  We all deal with this and it is not a bad thing that we are often not present in the moment we are in.  It is a function of survival to automate our experiences and orient them to what we know from the past or be on guard for the possible dangers of the future.  Learning to lean on God for my sense of self has enabled me to walk through life with much less fear.  It enables me to not have to be on guard in case I might get hurt.  I have been able to reconcile that like all human beings we experience things when we are most open and willing where we get hurt by our openness.  In defense we build up walls which look different for everyone but  at their essence serve a similar function.  The defenses protect us from further harm.  Unfortunately, they also keep us from accessing the depth of our hearts. Slowly I learned to trust that God did not see the harm the way I did.  I thought it changed the essence of who I am.  I thought my innocence  was stolen from me by my father.  God showed me that I just became blinded to it.  It had never gone away, I disconnected from it.  My father was a powerful man in my life as a child, but no human being can take away what God has created.  He was wounded and acted from his past experience.  He too learned it was not safe to be so open in the moment and never set out to allow God to restore his heart.  I became so broken apart by my addiction that I was more open than ever and this time I allowed God in. Instead of experiencing further disconnect from myself, God invited me to join in the process of reconnecting to who I truly am.