dailydatewithgod

One of the elements of acceptance is the recognition of what is so right now. It may not be what we want or envisioned or were looking for, but to not accept would be denial of reality.  We all have many expectations of life, ourselves, and others. We can easily stay focused on those instead of what is right in front of us.  We talk about how it wasn’t supposed to rain, how they said they would do this, or we thought we would feel something else. It can sometimes show up in subtle ways but it is there.  The perspective I gained from living the 12 steps is to keep my expectations in check. They can easily set me up to resent the situation when they are not met.  If I learn to let go of them, to not be so wedded to them, I can have them but not be thrown off-course when they are not met.  It taught me how to accept the reality of the situation.  If I am continually disappointed by someone else’s behavior, maybe the problem is not their behavior but that I expect them to be someone other than themselves.  I have also had to learn this when it comes to my expectations of myself.  I spent many years denying my own feelings because it was safer.  I learn to make myself wrong and question whether they were appropriate or even real.  I deluded myself into thinking that if I just invalidated them, I could make the ones I did not want go away.  I had a very misconstrued expectation of what it means to be human. Feelings are indications.  They do not mean anything by themselves.  They are designed to provide information.  When I slapped a judgment on them, I gave them more power than they had.  Slowly I have learned to practice noticing and paying attention to what they might be indicating without making them good, bad, right, wrong, appropriate or inappropriate.  I learn to let go of judging my feelings by what I expect them to be.  If I am in the present moment, I am in the reality of what my feelings are now.  For me the first step is accepting what they are now in this moment without judging them.  It is much less painful. Feelings carry energy and energy is neither created, nor destroyed.  My thought that the feeling is wrong or will never go away is in stark contrast to reality.  No feeling is right or wrong and they always change.  They may come back which could be an invitation to take a closer look at what is causing them, but feelings flow when we let them.  God invites me on our dates to start with what I am feeling now.  When I start there and do not jump to judgment the next moment of now I may be feeling different.  It takes practice but is a much less painful way to live then expecting myself to not be human.