dailydatewithgod

It appears that we are able to demonstrate to one another who we are being without even using words.  We have all heard the saying actions speak louder than words or talk is cheap but what does that really mean?  Being mindful of our words is important so they in and of themselves are not pointless.  If that were the case we might as well walk around like we were in some sort of silent film.  Aligning our actions and our words is what tells the real story. We run into trouble when our actions do not exemplify our words.  In my experience part of this stems from not paying attention to what it is that we are saying to ourselves and others.  How many of us would shudder if we heard how we spoke to ourselves or worse said it to a good friend?  How often do we throw around jokes which are veils for anger and frustration because we do not want to be vulnerable and say how we really feel?  We carry the energy of our truth within ourselves. Unless we are able to find a way to reconcile it between our hearts and our minds, we will exemplify either the opposite of what we intend or a mixed message.  Both make us exemplify an untrustworthy person. It starts with getting clear within ourselves. Taking the time to notice what we are conveying in our words and our actions.  We cannot control how others interpret what we are doing or saying but we can take ownership of what we exemplify.

It is clear if we are to make our way in this world there are certain things we depend upon to help us along.  So how did the idea of depending on something or someone become a taboo thing to discuss?  It is important to acknowledge the degree to which we do nothing alone.  American culture in particular prides itself on its individuality.  This is a good thing but like most can be taken out of context and lose the spirit in which it is meant.  Even those who are individuals depend upon things and people to get to be able to individuate themselves.  The degree to which either individuality or dependence become a negative is when they are taken to the extreme.  When we become isolated because we are so individual or over dependent upon something or someone so much so that we disregard their individuality.  Nature gives us a balanced demonstration of what it means to move within the bounds of individuality and dependence.  A tree stands on its own but is dependent upon the sun and the water at its roots.  It is also networked deep below the surface with all the other trees around it.  Yet no other tree has the design or layout of leaves as it does.  Flowers carry such individual beauty but are dependent upon bees to carry their nectar and procreate.  While I have never seen thank you notes being passed between the flowers and the bees I imagine the flower’s radiance says it all to everyone who stops to notice.   Acknowledging we are depending on our hearts to guide us through life a be present with all we feel is our key to celebrating our individual natures and the way we choose to love.  Recognizing the power of our minds to articulate our independence and formulate language so we can share it with others is another thing we depend upon.  Our connections to others and the love we can share with their individual selves is something we depend upon to make our lives whole.

Our provides at the very least an opportunity of freedom for our mind.  It works very hard to keep us alive and does quite a good job as far as I can tell.  Sometimes it can work against us if we do not make sure to be mindful about it.  It is easy to get caught up in our heads about something and while we are great problem solvers, we also need the perspective of our hearts.  Our hearts do not see things the same way.  Love from which we were created is designed to be freeing.  Bringing the perspective of the power of love and hope to shed light on something can free us from our thinking we just need to survive.  If we take on the posture of our hearts, we are freeing up the mind from carrying all the weight in the decisions we make.  Sometimes when I am so certain that I just need to run the scenarios in my mind one more time to figure it out and come to a solution, I remember to pause.  I put my hand to my heart, take a few deep breaths, and ask myself what the answer is.  Sometimes it is wait, sometimes it is what I sense is the direction to move in, sometimes it prompts me to ask more questions, bring God in closer, come back to it, and a multitude of options I had not yet considered.  All of those free me from having to have the answer that moment or putting the weight of the whole world on figuring it out.

Have you ever noticed that nature moves in cycles?  Why is it then if we are part of nature that we think we move in a straight line?  In a multidimensional life experience straight lines are not something we can follow like the one or two-dimensional reality they are.  It just doesn’t work.  So if we find ourselves encircled in a situation or encircling a certain theme or experience in our lives perhaps it is more than us just going in circles.  Perhaps we are surrounding an experience or idea.  Perhaps we are encompassing our place in a relationship. Perhaps we are making the circuit so we can view the experience from all angles.  We are constantly changing and so we see things we did not see before when we circle around again.  The downside (why going in circles gets a bad rap) is if we only see and experience the same thing.  We do not see encircling something as a renewal or an opportunity to go deeper and we stay on the one-dimensional surface of what we are encircling.  When we come back around again, it can be God’s invitation to view it from our heart.  To be moved in a natural fashion by the experience.  To go with the flow of the universe.  Sometimes we need to circle around because we are not yet ready to let go.  That too can be helpful information.  Seeing the encircling of our lives through the lens of the heart makes room for compassion and curiosity.  If I am busy judging myself for still “being here”  wherever “here” is that I think I should have progressed from, what good is that?  It only serves me to start circling the drain of self-judgment and self-criticism.

When we determine that life is no longer satisfying or it has become dull it is because it seems to have lost some of its lackluster quality. The ordinary seems overly plain and even boring.  We feel like we are some kind of machine and are simply going through the motions.  Sometimes we can experience the lack of sharpness of life with the course of a day.  Sometimes it lasts longer.  Some periods in our lives can feel consumed by the dullness of life.  Until we wake ourselves up or get woken up to the edges of our lives or find ourselves bumping into them does the sharpness return.  When we remember to look for the sharp edges things stand out. They have a light to them we did not see before,and more importantly we step out of going through the motions.  Sure, there are things we all have to do that we do not look forward to or feeling.  Running from them, ignoring them, or losing site of their potential to keep us awake is where we get lost.  God presents us with all kinds of sharpness in our day-to-day experience.  Focusing on the edges of shapes and sizes, colors and textures, and felt sense of things can bring us back to life.  Taking a step back requires a pausing and breathing.  Putting the spirit of life in our very body system will open our eyes to begin to see the sharpness again.  Suddenly light has a pungency, people’s ideas have meaning, and life comes back to life with a little attention paid to the sharpness.  Viewing our everyday ordinary experiences through the lens of the sharp elements we see sharpens our attitude and our sense of being in the world.

One of the signs that I am living a life in recovery is remembering there are alternatives.  When I was in my addiction there were typically two options.  There was not alternative than the story I had in my head.  It was not safe to check with alternatives because you might tell me I was wrong and mistaken.  This would confirm my story about myself that I was a mistake and I was wrong.  It is a difficult space to live in physically, emotionally, and physically.  I am grateful for the breakdown of the ridiculous and unsustainable system of living.  I am grateful it broke for me functionally before it broke me and robbed me of my life entirely.  God continues to be the best alternative that exists. The moment I reach for God and ask, “God, show me how you see this.  Is there something here I am to learn?  God, I am open to a new perspective, be gentle and guide me in my heart to this new perspective.”  Any of those alternatives give me a chance to live with discovery and openness to growing my heart to light of life.

One of my favorite songs from the Disney movie, Mulan, is “Reflection.”  The young Mulan wonders if and when she will be able to allow who her heart knows her to be reflected on the outside.  Our hearts are constantly reflecting within us the truth of who we are.  We get fooled because we look in a mirror through the eyes of our mind and think what we see must be what is most important.  Sometimes we reach a point in our lives when the contrast is so great, we are no longer looking at what is reflecting in a mirror.  I know I reached that point when I was in the darkest spaces of my addiction years ago.  I never stopped to look at my eyes that were reflecting in the mirror back at me , let alone sit with how incongruous my being felt to my heart.  Honestly, I did not have to see the reflection, I knew it in my bones.  But I did not know how to get back into alignment with my heart.  It was the reaching over 300 pounds, the addiction to sugar, and the discomfort in and self-hatred of my own body that led me to seek a different path.  Yet if my heart and spirit were not broken, I may have been able to continue on for a little while.  Perhaps until my body gave out completely.  I believe it was the light of life flickering in my heart telling me that what I was reflecting on the outside to the world did not match.  It was the still quiet hushed voice of God knocking at the door of my heart with each breath and each beat.  When I could no longer look away from the image being reflected back at me, I stopped and dared to listen.  I am grateful for the constant beating of my heart, not only because it keeps my body alive but because it is a constant reminder.  Breath by breath, moment by moment, keep checking to make sure what I am reflecting to the world and to myself on the outside is the truth of who I am at heart.

Given the distance we often seek from one another and the hiding we do in relationships it is hard for us to imagine a God who desires to enfold our very being.  We spend a lot of energy buffering our experience with others.  We do it to protect our hearts, keep our identity in good standing, and avoid looking foolish.  Yet, when we see demonstrations of love overtaking all of our protections we are moved.  We recognize there is something real happening.  Without realizing it there is a consciousness that the people we are watching have the courage to let down their guard and let their heart show.  God’s enfolding nature is within our hearts already.  It is why God wants to keep it alive in our minds as well as our being.  When we realize we are in a vulnerable emotional space we have a decision to make.  Do we risk staying with it and seeing what happens as we interact with each other and the world or do we shut down as quickly as possible?  Many of us learned to shut down so quickly we do not recognize the choice when it appears.  I know I did.  My daily dates with God have opened me up to be more courageous because God is ready and willing to enfold me with more love as I practice living from my heart. God has got me on this one.  God has placed a calling in our hearts to make room for our vulnerability and is willing to enfold us with more love than we can imagine as we take the risk and let down our guards.

The good news about things coming to an end is they make way for new things to begin.  If we do not fall, there is nothing to rise from.  The emergence of our lives in the present come from what we have overcome in the past.  We cannot credit the way we rise without acknowledging what we have risen from.  Sometimes we want to gloss over what got us to the emergence of our lives currently, but it is not the whole story.  What is the point of rising from ashes to emerge a new person if we pretend there was no fire.  It leaves the story of our lives incomplete.  It does not have to be dramatic, just an acknowledgment of the reality.  I know sometimes I would rather leave out the part about being over 300 plus pounds but I would be lying if the significance of my emergence as a woman in a healthy body did not come from there.  I have no desire to go back there for many reasons not the least of which is the physical burden.  Recognizing our emergence as dependent upon what we emerged from puts us in a place of gratitude.  I do not know if I had not reached the weight I did and experience the emotional and spiritual bankruptcy that went with it, if I would have turned my life around.  I value the life that has emerged out of the ashes more than I can say.  To live, breathe, and feel is such a gift.  Even when it is hard, it is a gift.  I would much rather face all of life soberly than go back to the numbing fog I was living in with a shut down heart and bracing many moments with fear.  Emergence as a whole human being takes energy and effort to maintain and I do not always want to do it.  Remembering what I emerged from reminds me it is worth it.

Getting to the bottom of things seems to be the goal.  At least when we are trying to figure something out or figure out who we are. I presume it is because when we get to the bottom there is no further to go. One hopes that all the answers are there but often there are just more questions.  Just because we reach the bottom does not mean we have traveled the journey.  Penetrating the experience and all the factors involved calls for looking for more than a straight simple answer.  Penetrating our lives requires us to go beyond the bottom.  It asks us to connect with something even deeper.  To move past what we can see into what is happening energetically.  As human beings we have more than just our physical senses which provide input and influence on our lives.  Tuning into our interoception (sensing what is happening in our body and proprioception (sensing where we are in space and relation to things around us), gives us a penetrating insight into how we are showing up in the world.  Then there is the sense of being that comes from our hearts.  Penetrating into our hearts asks us to let go of our mind’s inclination to get things figured out and connect with more than who we think we are.  God lives in our hearts and is constantly beating through all of our existence with a penetrating love that goes beyond what we can perceive.  Allowing ourselves to pause and connect with the energy of our hearts provides a lens of perspective beyond what we think or know as possible.