dailydatewithgod

Letting go is not something we human beings like to do.  There is this idea that in order for something to be a part of us we have to hold on to it.  We hold on to things physically, emotionally, mentally, and energetically.  We can see the things we hold on to physically and there is a great deal of awareness in the western world in particular to move away from this.  As someone who has a unique relationship with clutter of my own I can fess up to wanting to do a better job of letting go of physical things. Sometimes it can be easy to let go if it holds no value for us but the minute we identify it as part of ourselves or our perception of ourselves, it becomes more difficult.  This is especially true of our thinking.  Our will, our ideas, our concepts, our perceptions are so much a part of ourselves we do not know where we stop and they start.  When we step into a life with God and are asking God to show us how to see things or open ourselves up to not being solely dependent upon our senses for information we are letting go.  Involving God in this process is about entrusting that God’s perspective may have more to offer.  We do not know all the answers but the Great Creator can lead us to the ones we need when we need them.  Entrusting is asking a lot.  In the 12 step recovery process this begins with step three which says we turn our will (thoughts) and our lives (actions) over to God (a power greater than ourselves).  That level of entrusting can only come after one has acknowledged that his/her will and actions are not working out so well (Step 1) and his/her concept of God is one they are willing to trust in because they know it to be the experience of opposite of what they do themselves (Step 2).  If I had not been beaten down so bad, I am not sure I would be so willing to entrust my life and my will to God.  I was not for a very long time. And there continue to be areas of my life where I am sure I have not yet exhausted all my own resources.  I think it is part of the human condition to believe we can do it on our own. Not all of us find ourselves out of control and nowhere to turn having exhausted all our own resources that we are willing to take such steps.  Many spiritual traditions share similar concepts as descried in 12 steps so we do not have to end up in a 12 step room to take these steps.  I just did not see them as essential to the vitality of my life until I came face to face with them in recovery.  Regardless of how I got here, one thing I do know for sure is the step of entrusting God with my will and my life has caused things to turn out much better than the path I was walking before. At this point I do not much care how I got here.  I am just grateful that my concepts of a power greater than me is one I am entrusting today.

We never forget the moments when we are struck.  Whether it is an idea, a person, an event, or an awakening we know we are moved somewhere in the depth of ourselves.  We can’t escape the impact even if we wanted to.  The reason we describe it as striking is because of the immediate impact.  It is the same striking that occurs when we are created.  I do not mean our physical birth.  I mean when we are the concept in the mind of God.  The striking is an extension of God’s reality.  It is an opening to the power within ourselves.  I have had the fortune of re-experiencing this on my daily dates with God.  Not every date but enough times that I am committed to cultivating this awareness in my heart. Somehow by showing up each day I find that my eyes are opened and my heart is willing to see and hear the striking that is possible.  I find myself struck by beauty, laughter, light, and the shared expression of concern.  Striking happens when I see tragedy or strife or feel overwhelmed at the complexities of life. I could easily say that I have become more emotional, but it is more than that.  I know because of the time spent with God each day, my heart is expanded and there is an increased sensitivity to the presence of things that will strike it.  Sometimes the striking can hurt if I lose sight of what is really happening.  If I perceive it as something happening to me then I may want to defend myself or shut down my heart to protect it.  If instead I am willing to see it as an awareness of my ability to be touched by life and trust it is all meant for my growth in love, I have nothing which needs protecting.  Striking of spirit one could say, enables us to experience the fullness of life.  God wants us to be struck by the magnificent spectrum of light present in life.  When we allow for the striking of our hearts it means we are willing to allow God’s sight to connect with the most intimate part of our nature.

Our awareness of things is often tied to our recognition.  Often we see past or through something we recognize because we are used to it.  Other times we are more aware of things we do not recognize because of their novelty.  It depends upon the circumstance.  If we are in an unfamiliar place we are more quick to recognize things because of their familiarity.  In a familiar place we recognize the unfamiliar because it stands out as not something we normally see in that context but are aware of its existence.  So how do we create awareness around things that are unfamiliar?  It requires us to  seek out recognition on more than just a visual level.   It is asking us to let go of what we know as our starting point. We do not recognize anger in a family that never raises their voices yet is steeped in sarcasm because our awareness of anger is raised voices.  We do not recognize affection as hugs and smiles if we were raised in a family where gifts were the only sign of affection.  God invites us to look beyond our concepts of what things are supposed to be like based on what we already recognize and open ourselves to what can be recognized from within us.  An awareness coming from more than just our physical eyes will strengthen the recognition of our hearts.  When we recognize where the connection is in our hearts we can expand our awareness.  Awareness and recognition thus become integrated and our perception of life broadens and deepens.

One of the elements of acceptance is the recognition of what is so right now. It may not be what we want or envisioned or were looking for, but to not accept would be denial of reality.  We all have many expectations of life, ourselves, and others. We can easily stay focused on those instead of what is right in front of us.  We talk about how it wasn’t supposed to rain, how they said they would do this, or we thought we would feel something else. It can sometimes show up in subtle ways but it is there.  The perspective I gained from living the 12 steps is to keep my expectations in check. They can easily set me up to resent the situation when they are not met.  If I learn to let go of them, to not be so wedded to them, I can have them but not be thrown off-course when they are not met.  It taught me how to accept the reality of the situation.  If I am continually disappointed by someone else’s behavior, maybe the problem is not their behavior but that I expect them to be someone other than themselves.  I have also had to learn this when it comes to my expectations of myself.  I spent many years denying my own feelings because it was safer.  I learn to make myself wrong and question whether they were appropriate or even real.  I deluded myself into thinking that if I just invalidated them, I could make the ones I did not want go away.  I had a very misconstrued expectation of what it means to be human. Feelings are indications.  They do not mean anything by themselves.  They are designed to provide information.  When I slapped a judgment on them, I gave them more power than they had.  Slowly I have learned to practice noticing and paying attention to what they might be indicating without making them good, bad, right, wrong, appropriate or inappropriate.  I learn to let go of judging my feelings by what I expect them to be.  If I am in the present moment, I am in the reality of what my feelings are now.  For me the first step is accepting what they are now in this moment without judging them.  It is much less painful. Feelings carry energy and energy is neither created, nor destroyed.  My thought that the feeling is wrong or will never go away is in stark contrast to reality.  No feeling is right or wrong and they always change.  They may come back which could be an invitation to take a closer look at what is causing them, but feelings flow when we let them.  God invites me on our dates to start with what I am feeling now.  When I start there and do not jump to judgment the next moment of now I may be feeling different.  It takes practice but is a much less painful way to live then expecting myself to not be human.

There is an unofficial rule in recovery known as rule 62, “Don’t take yourself so damn seriously!”  It is one I have come to cherish and celebrate in my life.  It is most evident when I remember to laugh at myself.  I see it as a sign of a light and open heart when I see the humorous side of how I behave or what I think.  There is no possible way that every thing I think, believe, and do is so powerful as to cause cataclysmic impact.  Yes, it is important to be intentional about life and do so from a place of good.  But even with the best of intentions and motives I still mess up.  I used to think if I made a mistake I was a mistake.  Now I can make a mistake and say, “oops”, own up to it, and make the necessary corrections.  The levity comes from the presence of light in my heart and mind.  It is the same space where I allow God in to show me how God sees things.  With this lightness perspective I can see where there is happenstance and laugh.  Levity is a sign we are in the flow of life and accept the reality of bumps and hiccups but it is not about blame or shame.  Levity reminds us to roll with the punches and let the giggles in every once in a while.

We are meant for relationship. Every interaction with another person is an opportunity for connection, learning, or loving.  We like to think it is only the pleasant interactions with others that are supposed to happen.  We determine that nothing good can come from conflict or disagreement.  Funny how there seems to be a lot of both of those things present in the world. There must be a disconnect between what we say we want and what we do.  Could it be that no matter what we do or how good our intentions are, conflict and disagreement will still exist?  It sure seems that way.  Perhaps God is calling us to take a closer look at what is happening when we are in conflict with others or their ideas. Maybe it not a bad thing for there to be disagreement but an opportunity to look at what we make that disagreement mean about the totality of the other person.  Of course it feels good to get along with others when we can share similar ideas and philosophies.  Yet, if all we were to do is agree and get along, we would never grow.  We would form a lot of group think.  Perhaps it is not the people and the ideas that we are in conflict with or disagree.  Maybe it is the approach on their part and ours of how to handle it.  If we lose our humanness when dealing with others, what does that make us?  It is not someone else’s fault that we do not agree with them. Why do we make them the villain?  Maybe by coming into contact with them God is inviting us to see God in other forms.  Our enemy is as much a creation of God as our best friend.  God is inviting us to learn what it means to love and grow in love.  Love is just the nice stuff.  Great love takes great courage.  Courage, meaning at our core, from the heart, is the space in which God dwells vibrantly and with great strength.  When we stay rooted to our sense of self in our hearts, we can learn to find love anywhere. God is everywhere, not just where we want God to be or the places it is nice for God to be.  When we are willing to trust the presence of God in any interaction or experience then we can see through the eyes of love and do not need to make anyone an enemy no matter how much conflict or disagreement.  This is not easy as is evident in our public and private conversations and interactions. It is not easy in the parking lot at Trader Joe’s or the line at the post office, but just because it is not easy does not mean love is not present.

It may be hard for us to fathom the idea that God is excited by our very existence but it is true.  God is love and creates all from love and in love.  What is more exciting than love.  God looks upon his creation and is excited at finding yet another way to show the world how much she adores it.  We are the exciting element of life.  Each of us.  We get an inkling of the possibility of God thinking like this because it is so contrary to how we think.  Over the years as my relationship with God has grown and changed, I am repeatedly reminded of how God sees things differently than me.  When I am humble enough to reach for God’s hand and whisper, God, show me how to see this differently or ask How do you see this? my whole perspective shifts.  The shift brings a light into my experience and it is always for the better.  By opening myself up to an exciting perspective I am actually more at home in the truth of who I am.  We see it in children who are probably the closest to God because of the limited time it has been from their original conception.  They find everything exciting.  All is novel and full of wonder.  They want to learn and grow and be shown a new perspective.  We lose that the more we disconnect from our own hearts.  Life can wear us down if we let it. It takes courage to be willing to let go of our perspective and adopt an exciting one.  It does not mean never experiencing bad things or being comfortable all the time.  It is an intuitive trust that there is life and love present in whatever it is we are experiencing.  This is the excitement, the hope, the belief in love.  On a day when we are worn out, frustrated, and feel like there is a dark cloud following us around it can be hard to conceive of any kind of excitement.  For me the quickest way to step back on the path of excitement of life is by taking a deep breath.  Even I forget all the time how simple the path of excitement begins.

When we think about closeness in terms of proximity it sounds like a simple discussion.  Either something is close or it is far.  Often times we look at physical proximity and make assumptions about other levels of closeness.  We figure if someone works for a particular company they are closely aligned with its philosophy.  If you are in close proximity to your family, you must be spending time together.  If one goes to church often they must be close to God.  If they are closely involved in their work they must be enjoying it or have a passion for it.  These assumptions about the reality of things based on what is seen as close can be misleading.  Closeness not only exists on multiple levels but it can be misleading.  How often do we compromise ourselves by staying close to someone whom we have grown apart from just because we are used to them?  How many of us assumed that others were close simply because they are seen together a lot?  But aside from all this, what about what lies closest to our hearts? Is it kindness and compassion?  Is it anger and frustration?  Where do our passions take us?  Do we know what lights us up?  Do we know what brings us down?  Those are the things that we are most closest to. Do we see God’s presence in any of those?  What we see with situations and people that we have close proximity to may not be the same things we hold in the deepest parts of ourselves.  What about our relationship with God?  Does that lie close in our hearts they way we are close to God’s heart?  Are we aware that we are close to God’s heart no matter what we think we deserve or our outside status?  What would it take for that to sink in?  What small step would need to occur for us to experience the reality of God’s to be as close to us as our own hearts?

I remember as a kid there was a hair care brand that became very popular called “Herbal Essences”.  The commercials stood out because the women appeared to be having orgasms from using the shampoo. I must admit I liked the smell but can’t say I was looking for more than just good smelling hair from them.  The commercials seemed kind of silly and overdone, but I suppose that is what makes them commercials.  Thinking back I wonder what the essence was they were focused on.  Somehow I did not think it had anything to do with the herbs.  It conveyed the idea that the essence was in the experience of using their shampoo.  Hmm, my brain could spend lots of pointless time trying to decipher that one, but I will spare you. 😉 Essences are our core.  Who we are in God is our essence.  It is conveyed in our spirit, our genuine expression of ourselves, and lives in the truest part of ourselves.  On my daily date with God during the meditation portion, I am guided to focus on my heart.  It sits at the center of our physical, emotional, and spiritual being.  From it extends our life force.  One of the hardest things to look at when I got into recovery is how misguided I had become in regards to my own heart.  Out of lack of safety I had covered it up with all kinds of protective devices because I thought it was what caused me to be hurt.  If I had not been so open.  If I weren’t so hopeful.  If I didn’t love so deeply.  If I didn’t feel connected to others, I would have never gotten hurt.  I mistakenly thought it was heart’s fault.  We are designed to be the essence of God. God loves.  Plain and simple.  When we get in touch with the crux of who we are, all that is there is love.  The beauty and the power of God that I have learned on our daily dates is that while I perceived outside circumstances and people to hurt me and my heart, there is nothing that could change my essence.  God as a force of love is more powerful than anything else in existence.  The space of our hearts is impacted by outside forces because love is dynamic but it is never changed.  Our essence cannot be undone.  I need to remember that when I am feeling anxious or afraid.  I want to recall that when I get angry and reactive towards the people and circumstances in my life including myself.  I need God’s help to bring me back to the truth and become reacquainted with my essence.  God is always ready and willing with an open heart and hand to reel us in and whisper to us of the essence of who we are.  It is up to us when we get disconnected to trust God always knows how to help us return to our essence.  If that is not the essence of an orgasmic sense of joy, I don’t know what is.

Being in the mysteries of life takes courage. It sounds very ethereal and nonsensical but mystery is the lifeblood of the universe.  Our minds tells us what is most important is the known, but when we are alive and in the moment we are not even conscious of what we know and do not know.  The mysteries of life keep us in the now because we are called upon to be fully present so we can be with what comes next.  The mysteries of life lead to experiencing fortuities we did not think were possible. These chance occurrences would not have happened had we been wedded to what we already knew.  It is a wise person who is intimately aware of the presence of things they do not know that they do not know. It is the fortuities that make room for the presence of God.  We call them coincidences.  I call them God-incidences.  If we are able to trust in the power of something greater than ourselves that is interested in our growth in love through all things we make ourselves ready to receive fortuities and celebrate them.  Depending on our perspective of life as a place to learn and grow will deeply effect how we see the fortuities that show up.  It is not easy to presume that every chance occurrence will have in it some growth experience for which we are grateful some day.  At the time the fortuity might seem like the worst thing that ever happened to us.  It is easy to place that perspective on a fortuity than on a planned event.  Through my daily dates with God, I have come to look forward to the fortuities.  I trust God is showing me a way to grow and learn about love in a way I would not have conceived of because God knows the best way for my heart to expand.  Through this lens the fortuity of bumping into someone at a conference I was hoping they would be at is the same as bumping into them because our cars knocked fenders.  The latter unknown fortuity typically brings angst and frustration.  But, if I remember to turn towards God and ask God, how do you see this?, I can become open to the power of fortuities in my life being the mysterious elements that keep me in the God-incidences.  Did I mention this is not easy?