dailydatewithgod

I used to think that if I was willing to take something under consideration it meant I was just buying time to convince myself of something I would have to do or take care of. It sounds ridiculous when I write out my thought process around it.  It stems from the idea that it is not okay to say what is true for me, especially if it does not agree with you, whomever you are. Thankfully along the way, I had mentors who demonstrated how to say variations of things like, “Thank you but that does not work for me”, or “I appreciate the opportunity, but it is not a good fit for me right now”,  or simply, “Thank you, no.”  Slowly learning how to define what works for me and being okay with it allowed me to consider all kinds of things.  No longer was it about me needing time to adjust myself to the request, idea, or experience.  Considering becomes a time for me to check in with myself in the quiet of my heart and determine if the request, idea, or perspective resonates with me and how God sees me.  I do not do this perfectly. I still find myself pushing back out of fear when being asked to consider something whether a request from a person or a new idea or perspective.  I get stuck in thinking I have to respond affirmatively or negatively in the moment.  Sometimes the situation calls for that, but when it doesn’t, I can pause and consider. One of the values of my daily prayer and meditation date with God is practice in sitting without doing anything. It is much of what happens when considering something.  It just sits in my mind and my heart until a clear response, if one is needed, shows up.  The power of being a person of my word when I say, “let me consider it and get back to you”, far outweighs the dopamine hit I get from being able to give someone an answer right away that is not genuine.

Life is designed to be lived.  We find ourselves in an ongoing movement that has no ending. Even when our lives appear to end, all those whom we have come into contact carry on with a part of us in them.  We often do not realize the kind of impact we have on each other.  It can be as simple as a kind or harsh word or gesture to impact the thinking or perception of another about themselves and life.  We underestimate how much we are designed for relationship and the possibilities we can create when we open ourselves to take responsibility for the impact we are creating. God wants to aid us in leaving an impact that shares ourselves as a presence of love in the world.  This does not mean we never do things wrong or act perfectly at all times.  Instead it is about intending to make conscious impact for ourselves and others.  We all know deep down  we respond better when we are impacted by love.  We know fear can motivate us to act but it has a residual effect that leads to more fear and less willingness to trust in the process of life.  When we act in ways that are the opposite of love it typically stems from some kind of fear, real or imagined.  It is well-meaning but does not lead us into our hearts.  We spend our time and energy guarding our hearts instead of extending them. God knows we are capable of impacting the world ten times over with the love we have present in our hearts. So she invites us to get to know our own hearts as he does and become good friends with it. My daily dates have opened up my heart with a desire to make the impact of love on the world a little bit stronger because I am getting to know who I am as God sees me one day at a time.

God is about possibilities.  He wants us to open our eyes to all our options.  It is why we are prompted to stop, breathe, and connect with our heart every time we inhale and exhale.  It is our body’s reminder to come back to center.  In order for her to share with us the vast array of possibilities, we need to expand the range beyond our eyes.  Looking through the lens of our hearts brings us into connect with the sight of God.  She can share with us the beginnings of things we could not imagine in our minds.  He wants us to play in a world of creation which means moving outside the range to which we are accustomed.  We experience the moments of possible expansion when we are seemingly struck from outside forces and our hearts wake up.  We think we know it when we see it with our eyes but it is when our eyes are in alignment with the awakening of our hearts we can identify the thing or experience that seemed to generate the expansion of our range.  It only seems as though it is the outside element because it caused us to wake up, but it was always there for us. It is part of our design that this happens in relationship with others.  We are on this journey of life together and we need each other to awaken our hearts.  In our interaction with others we wake up and pay attention to the expansion of the range of vision God is guiding us to through the interchange with others.

I am not sure how acutely aware I was of the speed of things until I started to work in technology.  Living in Los Angeles where the experience of a freeway becoming a parking lot is an everyday occurrence,  there is a distinct experience of slowness. However,  it is something I expect so it does not affect me the way it would someone who is not used to it.  Most of the time, I simply surrender to it.  I presume there is some inherent value I am experiencing in the slowness of traffic because I am in it.  I ask God to help me see it as God sees it. When it comes to the Internet connection or the time it takes a program to load  on my phone, there is a distinct frustration.  The expectation is speed.  There is no room for slowness.  The rub with this is in its tendency to flow out into other areas of our lives.  I find myself getting frustrated by how my life at work or in relationships are not moving quickly enough.  Nature moves at a slower speed.  When we take a step back from the speed to which we have become accustomed and slow down we are able to be present in life as it is happening.  There is space to experience it and take it all in.  If we are in such a hurry to get to the next thing, we find ourselves not being where our feet are.  To embrace the slowness of life sounds almost painful but only because it stands in contrast to the fast paced dopamine hit we have trained our minds to need.

I read somewhere that the quality of your life can be measured by the questions you ask.  Walking a spiritual path is about being at peace with the questions of life.  I used to think it was about having the answers.  I always looked to others for the answers.  I would even demand the answers from God.  I would get frustrated when I did not know the answer.  I would give myself a hard time for not having the answer when I thought I should or someone else thought I should.  The blessing of questions is they keep the door open.  There is an allowance for mystery in the time of the questions.  The realm of possibilities is endless in the space of the questions.  There is an illusion of completion when we receive an answer, and yet the answer may lead to more questions.  Given there is so much one cannot know, I can find peace in the questions because it reminds me I am still alive.  If I am asking them, I am still in the game.  I come to God on our date with lots of questions and find she is open to hearing them all.  He does not always give me an answer right away or in the form I expect it and sometimes the answer comes in the form of another question.  Most of all questions lead to a need to listen and when I am listening to life and to God I can pick up on some of the clues of love.

We all have times when we wonder if there is anything to this God stuff.  Sometimes it is a moment, sometimes it lasts years.  I have had both times in my life.  The times when it lasted the longest are when I have let myself get fixed on my idea of how God is supposed to be.  God had stepped outside my definition or expectation of God.  At the core is a letting go of the obvious expressions of a power greater than me being present.  I creep into those spaces when I take the obvious things for granted.  Having a body that functions well, air to breathe, food to eat, feelings to feel even if they are crappy. All the obvious things that let me know I am alive and someone or something gave me that life. It is the willingness to go back to the obvious demonstrations that seem too simple yet bring me back into the space of the God stuff.  When I am willing to do be in gratitude, it is the portal which helps me hold on in the spaces of disbelief.  I don’t think God expects us to be a machine that never fluctuates, but hopes  we ride the wave all the way to the shore and find our grounding again as all waves obviously do.

One of the first key ideas presented to me in my path out of darkness is acceptance.  Sure, I had heard the word before but it often sounded like a defeated position.  Just accept things how they are.  Accept that it is not going to get any better. Don’t bother fighting it, accept the consequences.  I suppose like most things in my life at that point, it was tainted by my reality of feeling stuck and defeated myself.  I understood the victim mentality though I fought it as best as I could.  It showed up in my passive vocabulary and my desire to make sure others were happy with me.  It showed up in the way I kept hurting myself with food and speaking to myself with vicious language.  It seemed as though the only thing I let happen was bad stuff.  It seemed that way but my vision was eschewed   Right in front of me and all around me were examples of me letting good things happen. I learned that letting things happen, accepting things is not a defeatist attitude if what I am doing is reconciling myself to life on life’s terms.  There is freedom and power in not needing circumstances to be different.  As I grew closer to God on our daily dates, I began to see that my being and essence was not dependent upon circumstances and outward appearances.  As long as I know in whom I am grounded and loved, I am letting the truth of who I am come through all the circumstances and experiences.  It is not about the outside world reflecting who I am.  It is about me accepting the truth of who I am and letting it shine.  It is about not apologizing for not being what someone else wants or thinks they need from me.  It is about being the truth of who I am and loving them as they are.  Letting myself be who I am in God’s eyes is powerful and loving.

We start with the first step, the first thought, the first feeling, the first insight, or the first notion.  It is a beginning.  Even when things end, there is a new beginning.  With every night closing a new day is dawning.  We live and breathe and have our being in this cyclical experience of life where there is a beginning at every turning point.  Just when it seems like all is lost and there is nowhere to turn we find a bend in the road that takes down a new path. We find ourselves on a beginning we had not imagined. The experience of beginning is fresh and unworn.  It is the evidence of hope’s presence in life.  When C.S.Lewis tells us, “relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing has yet been done,” he is conveying God’s message of hope.  The invitation on each of my daily dates with God is an opportunity to believe again in the power of love and hope.  There are so many beginnings going on around us but we don’t see them because we haven’t opened our heart to their presence. We forget to take in a new breath.  Our bodies are designed to remind us to be in the beginning by taking a new breath.  No matter how much we get stuck in our heads, our bodies call us back to our hearts through a new breath.

My prayer for us is to embrace our bodies call back to a new beginning by being with our breath today.

When we show interest in something we are invigorated.  The verve that is generated by being able to focus our energy in a direction that we feel is drawing us in can be electric.  We notice the verve when it comes to getting a new thing whether it is a car, a smart phone, a relationship, a job, or an award.  How long does the verve last?  Often not as long as we would like.  It is interesting that when the verve dies down we look to the next way we can get an enthusiasm hit, but the car, the phone, the relationship, and the job do not go away.  What do we do when the newness is not enough to sustain the verve?  Do we not focus on it?  Do we wish it would go away?  Do we just bide our time until it can be replaced?  Given that most of our life is lived in the spaces between new things and experiences, at least the obvious ones, it sounds like a terrible way to live.  It puts us constantly at the mercy of outside forces.  My daily prayer and meditation date with God each day has helped to cultivate a verve for life I never knew was there.  By connecting to myself and my Creator, I am always in the flow of the verve of living.  Gratitude practices for small things builds the capacity for verve. If I have a reason to be grateful for something, it is a similar feeling to seeing it new again and the verve is reignited.  If I look through the eyes of my heart and ask God to help me connect to the verve of what it is that I am witnessing I become one with it.

Sometimes we find ourselves tangled up in situations or encounters with people and we wonder how we got there. Words are exchanged, gestures are made, and we are left with an odd feeling that it was not the interaction we intended.  The question is do we choose to run with the tangled situation or do we choose to pause and take the time to unravel it?  In some cases, we may choose to pretend it is not there or intentionally ignore it.  An awareness of what is happening internally often makes it not as plausible that we will ignore it.  Over the years, I have become keenly aware of my internal feelings and thoughts.  I presume this comes from the practice of mindful awareness that I developed during my daily prayer and meditation dates.  It is not always comfortable being aware of the internal process.  It either provides insight or makes one want to get rid of it.  Engaging the breath makes it easier to walk through but I have learned that comfort is overrated. Growth is not comfortable. I learned the hard way that opting to numb out or ignore does not actually lead to freedom.  A willingness to take a closer look and unravel the experience is what sets the stage for freedom.  The 12 steps taught me the principle of taking ownership of my thoughts and behaviors at the exclusion of others. I cannot do anything about what others do or say, but I can do something about my reactions to what they do or say.  If I find myself entangled by an interaction with another person, I am the one who is entangled.  It is up to me to choose to unravel it or not.  The beauty of a relationship with God which is focused on growth is I no longer have to spend my time making myself wrong for being entangled.  Staying in the conversation of me being wrong only hinders my willingness to unravel the experience.  God reminds me it is about unraveling so I can find the love hiding beneath the surface.  The courage to unravel a situation ultimately provides the freedom to live and to love with compassion and strength.  My daily date with God serves as a grounding in the truth of who I am so I don’t get tangled and twisted up in thinking the experience is me.