dailydatewithgod

If one was to excavate my life, what would they find?  What angle would one enter from to reach the core of who I am?  I know that God mines me from the heart.  On a mindful day I search and excavate my experience of other from their hearts.  It is easy to get blocked by the outer layer which seems to want to keep others out.  It is easy to look past the possibility of mining for gold in someone who seems to exude only steel.  It takes time to get to know someone and chip away at the exterior surface that wants to keep us from touching the inner sanctum of ourselves.  It starts by being willing to do it with ourselves.  For a long time I fell for the illusion of steel and ice that surrounded my heart and didn’t trust that beneath it breathed a warmth of spirit that sang of God’s presence. When I started on my daily dates with God I did so out of desperation to find some solace in my life.  Having moments of stillness in the morning seemed pointless at first.  Then it would get challenging.  The ideas in my mind or the aches in my body seemed to scream louder than anything my heart may or may not have been whispering.  But God invited me each morning to come sit again and again.  God never wavered because God is and always will be a stand for the presence of the spirit of love that resides beneath the exterior stories and ideas I placed on top of my heart.  God knows that mining takes time.  God always believes in the worth of the time and whatever path of excavation necessary to be reminded of love’s presence beating within me.  Now on our dates I find myself a little bit more curious of a new mining route that pops up to be explored.  God takes my hand, and let’s me know we have just discovered another avenue to mine for the expansion of love.

In my heart of hearts there lies a space of infinite love.  It is an ocean of never-ending waves of grace that rush in and out along the sands of my breath.  It flows in and through me unabated by the outer experiences of my body and mind.  It is a place of stillness and completion that never wonders whether I will make it to the next moment.  The energy that drives it is God alone.  This beautiful experience is happening over and over again with each new breath and I have no clear concept of the majesty of life that is present most of the time.  Then once in a while when I pause, catch my breath and connect with my heart I am drawn into this experience.  God gives me a nudge to look within and I decide to give it a try.  In our daily dates God invites me to connect with this reality before my mind is bombarded by many ideas and experiences to the contrary.  God is always ready with a hand to guide it to my heart when I get off course.  God never withholds his warmth of hand because it has been a while since I reached out.  God never questions where I have been.  God simply smiles and says, “Glad you are here.  I hope you stay, “ and guides my hand once again to my heart as I take a deep breath.

I always thought that people who displayed confidence had some sort of thing inside them that I didn’t have.  I have felt confident before and demonstrated confidence in my life, it’s just one of those things that I thought would be different from it is.  From the outside it looks like an unwavering grasp of one’s realm whether that be a relationship, a presentation, or a way of being.  I have spent most of my life questioning my reality perhaps in part because as a kid so much of what I was seeing and experiencing seemed to stand in contradiction to what I was feeling.  I kept looking outward for someone to validate who I was and what I was experiencing.  I think this is a natural thing to do as you grow but honestly in some of those areas, I feel like I never grew up.  Living an awakened life means I have the opportunity to grow in all areas of my life especially those most needing  an update.  This can be a painful process but only if I fight it.  It is a struggle when I am certain the reality I have always known is the safest.  Confidence thus becomes a hindrance.  In my daily prayer and meditation dates with God I have come to know in my heart that the most important confidence is that which lies in my heart.  In the dwelling place of God inside of me is where I must continually draw from confidence.  When I do that I can feel less certain and still be confident.  When I live from the confidence of God in my heart, I do not need others to validate who I am or what I am doing.  It is freeing and I think it is what I perceived others to have.  Freedom is ultimately what I seek the most each day and yet again God takes my hand and directs me to my heart to find what I seek.

The glory of being creations fashioned from love is that the light that lives within us shines through.  If we take the time to connect within we can remind ourselves of the brilliance of the light of love that connects us to the greater experience of life.  The lens of separation through which our mind labels our experiences is not the full story.  We refer to those who have attained a level of knowing as being enlightened.  It is acknowledgment of the channel they have become which allows the light within them to shine through.  This is not exclusive to anyone.  Our human journey is to recognize the story we have created about ourselves, check it with the truth of who we are according to Our Creator and let go of that which does not match with the light of love within us.  In my daily meditation and prayer date with God I get a chance to connect and check-in before I go out into the world.  God sits with me as I look at the clogs in my channel and helps me to see them for what they are, my attempts to protect my heart.  Those protections were when I forgot that God who created my heart made it impenetrable to being broken.  Remembering this gives me the courage to release that which is not my real self and clears the channel for my light to shine through.

When I see a my niece or nephew who are currently 5 and 2 years of age their innocence is like a beacon of light.  It exudes from their presence.  I hear it in their laugh, I see it on their faces, and they have a certain light in their eyes.  I sometimes wonder if they are aware of their own innocence.  Was I aware of that innocence in myself?  As an incest survivor I had some very dark experiences early on but there were also moments where I remembering laughing until it hurt and just spinning in circles.  Those are times when I felt a sense of freedom to just be which is part of how I understand innocence.  When I interact with people today I have to make an intended effort to see their innocence.  I do not mean I view all as guilty of something but rather that I do not truly see them as they are unless I make a concerted effort.  This includes myself.  One thing that my daily prayer and meditation date time with God has taught me is the discipline of spending time with someone.  By showing up for myself each morning I learn to be with all that I am in the moment and accept it.  I sit in silence with a God that I know and sometimes feel in my heart loves me beyond understanding and am opened to see that same innocence in myself.  It is a practice and the consistency of it has opened my heart and it takes me less time to see the innocence of all people I encounter as I go through my day.

It sounds like an unrealistic ideal to strive for peace.  How are we to find peace in a world filled with war and strife?  In my lifetime it seems as most of the years have been spent in some kind of war or another.  There is never a shortage of reasons for division and difference.  Our brains are designed to notice that which is unlike us.  It is a survival mechanism for our safety. But today’s world where we have learned to survive, we have an opportunity to seek out the similarities.  Recognizing that we all come from the same Creator is one beginning.  Identifying ways we are able to find common ground makes room for peace. My ultimate sense of peace comes from the knowledge of my heart that there is nothing I can do or say to undo God.  The certainty of love in the world stems from the fact that it is still happening.  Despite all the wars, focus on the differences, and striving in a messy fashion to love one another, God is still love in all forms.  When I come from this knowledge, I come to my life from a place of peace.