dailydatewithgod

So much of the fear that lives in our heads gets its juice from the black and white paradigm through which it operates.  We fear changes because they are unfamiliar and we make the assumption that they are forever.  Yet the very nature of change is that the change whatever it is will change again.  We presume some long journey of potential suffering when perhaps it is more of a sojourn through a new experience.  We cannot know ahead of time what we perceive as an unwelcome trip through discomfort how long it will actually last.  We forget how quickly we adapt and even things that are long journeys are not long in the discomfort space because it is simply a sojourn through unfamiliar or uncomfortable.  When we bring our attention into our hearts into their very rhythm we find ourselves living a sojourn between breaths.  We assume it will come but we do not know and then after a while, we get used to not knowing.  God invites us to be with the rhythm of our hearts when we want to run amuck on the fear train conjured in our minds.  By reconnecting to our own internal flow, we can ride the sojourn around each moment of change and feel with our whole selves what it means to embody life.

We like to think the goal is to have it all figured out.  Isn’t that what we are all here to do?  Isn’t that what we are all driving towards?  It certainly explains why we value concepts like truth and honesty.  The honest truth is most of what we figure out is an estimation.  Our minds cannot hold the awareness and understanding of the entire universe not to mention the possible multiple universes. We get a taste of it which I presume is enough given that is what is happening.  It is funny then that no matter how much of an estimation we have to hang our hat on, we believe it is not enough.  If this year has taught us anything it is that certainty is an illusion.  The full picture is only in hindsight.  God invites us to balance our mind’s desire to have it all figured out and trust the flow in our hearts which reminds us the estimation is enough.  It is enough because it is what allows us to do what is right in front of us to do.  To guard ourselves against any unforeseen circumstances (which is a fool’s errand) we convince ourselves that we can figure it all out if we just keep playing it over and over in our minds.  Bringing our system into balance with the peace of our hearts which allows an estimation to be enough gives us the courage we need to keep showing up, to appreciate the fullness of estimation we have at this moment and trust in the more that will be revealed.  It is a process, a dance, and an engaging way to interact with life that I fought with my whole being before I got into recovery.  So much of the essence of my addiction was about fighting reality.  It is exhausting and almost caused me to dull my soul so much I would have been a walking ghost of a person.  I resisted trusting my heart’s estimation of my reality because it contradicted with those in authority (whomever or whatever I saw as an authority at that time).  My daily dates with God became the restorative relationship I needed to reconnect with the truth of who I am at my core and let go of taking on the estimation of others as my own.

It is a curious practice to better understand how we operate as human beings as well as the design of the individual system we call “me”.  It may seem like navel-gazing but only if that is our intention. If navel-gazing is about embarking on a process of self-discovery to embrace the whole of who we are allowing each of us to operate with effectiveness and experience the fullness of life then sign me up.  The funny part is often the people around us know more about what mode we are operating in whether it is intentional or default.  Of course, there are nuances between those two modes but it gives us a framework to start with as we being the journey of self-discovery. Others know more because they can observe us from a distance.  God invites us as much as we want to develop that same observer mode so we can do what others do automatically.  On my daily dates with God, I get the opportunity to be in an observer mode following God’s mode of non-judgment and curiosity.  Through the lens of curiosity, I can notice what modes I operated from that caused me pain or joy. I can ask myself some questions. What mode I was in when I laid a particularly painful interpretation on what my coworker said to me?  If I replaced that mode with another one would my interpretation change? Was I in default mode or present with the interaction as it happened?  What mode do I want to be in as I explore the options for a remedy?  God sees limitless possibilities.  To adopt a mode of unlimited possibilities we can embrace a posture of curiosity about how the modes in which we operate most often represent the truth of who we are.

While the energetic state of the universe often escapes our cognitive awareness it is not any less present or real.  God gave us a heart that knows the meaning of vibrations and fluctuations which we can witness through the physical heart.  We also know of it when we sense something we cannot see, hear, touch, taste, or smell but we know is present.  The energetic life force breathing and moving through the whole of space and time is the same that moves through our hearts, minds, and bodies.  We are whole and we are part of the greater whole.  It is no wonder we experience a sense of loneliness and separation, we spend a lot of time listening to and believing in a world that says we are different from that which we were created.  It doesn’t take more than a few minutes spent in nature to restore our sense of belonging.  It may not be the kind of belonging that the world touts as important or valued.  It is the true belonging below the surface.  The kind of belonging that moves in and through us on a vibrational level.  The rhythm of our hearts mirrors the beats of drums and the buzzing of a bee.  The vibration of our being shares a connection with the sprout of a flower and the rushing of water through a river.   I am not a naturalist.  I don’t’ even see myself as particularly environmentally aware.  Yet this city gal knows part of what invigorates me about the city life is the buzzing and vibration of life in motion.  God showed me on our daily dates that this vibration does not have to be experienced only with speed.  There is a caretaking element to the quietness of being in nature where I can only hear my heart beating inside my chest.  All of life’s vibrations whether fast or slow invite us to belong to all of who we are and rediscover our connection to its energetic flow.

I am not sure if it is part of growing up female or being an incest survivor or a combination of both but somewhere along the way, I got repeated messages about how not to value my own conceptions and ideas about things, specifically about my own reality.  My guess it is part of the human and spiritual evolution of all human beings to come to terms with what it means to give clout to one’s own perception.  It is easy to think that some people do not struggle with giving their own ideas clout because we cannot see it demonstrated the way it shows up for us.  They are the people we think are born with that skill.  The very reality of what it means to be human means that most of who we are and what skills we possess are a combination of nature and nurture.  Regardless of what circumstances we are born into the opportunity for personal sovereignty is there for us.  Some of us require more trial and error to develop a sense of inner clout. God invites us to utilize the experiences in our lives that may cause us to question how much clout we give our internal understanding. When it is all said and done we do not take anyone or anything with us.  All we have is within ourselves.  The hope is that when we interact with each other, we trust the other person gives clout to his or her perception.  This does not make it more valuable than our own level of clout but may provide a different angle through which to see something. If we or the person with whom we are interacting does not give clout to our perceptions it will hinder the opportunity to learn from one another. It may be uncomfortable to state what we think and believe for fear of nonacceptance but that is why our hearts are filled with courage.  God invites us to give clout to our perception of our reality so we can determine with clarity whether what we are learning from another is a good fit for us or not.

There is a line in the book Alcoholics Anonymous which states that one has to get rid of all their old ideas.  It is written in a great context but when I first heard it I found it to be unimaginable.  I did not sound possible.  I somehow grasped on those simple words that if I were to truly take on this 12 step way of life my whole life would change.  I had little grasp of what my old ideas were I just knew I would need to let go.  Being inclined to black and white thinking in my fear I saw myself being metaphorically stripped at once of all my understandings. In reality, it was more of a taper.  By working the steps, putting down my alcoholic foods, and adopting a new way of thinking, some of the old ideas just disappeared.  Others stuck around and when it was time for me to face them I did.  I originally feared a lot of writhing and clutching but what I found was the freedom that came as the old ideas began to taper. From there I developed a willing stance as more old ideas whose time had come surfaced.  The tapering of an old idea went from something to be feared to something I was inviting.  God showed me I had the courage in my heart to face the fear of letting go and see it for the smoke and mirrors keeping me from inhabiting the truth of who I am.  The taper cleared the path of rediscovering who I am.

The distinguishing factor between our mind and our heart is the directness and volume at which they speak.  In our minds, the language that is used is straightforward and fits into a system of communication that is understandable outside ourselves as well.  The language of the heart is subtle and quiet.  One reason why children and those we label as intellectually challenged have a more open and perhaps louder speaking heart is that they are not as indoctrinated in the logical language of the mind.  They do not yet know the importance culture has placed on needing to be able to explain one’s inner reality in a way others can grasp.  Children have no problem using their imagination and going with the hints their hearts prompt them to take.  The hints of our hearts encourage us to breathe and be in the moment, to see with more than our eyes and let go of the need to make things understandable.  Allowing the hints from our hearts to travel to our minds is one way of integrating ourselves.  Letting go of the need to make sense and be right in our mind so others will accept makes room for the hints to guide us into an experience of life that is not limited by what is already known.  Learning to make room for the hints of our hearts means we trust that life will unfold and we will have what we need to face whatever comes when it comes.

One of the things that pull at me about this whole Corona Virus experience is how vital human embrace is.  Indeed, we often do not appreciate what we have until it is gone.  Human affection is no small matter, it is part of what we need to survive. When one considers how much time and energy human beings put into pushing each other away whether physically or verbally, it is hard to believe that embrace plays such a large role in our survival mechanisms. God invites us to see our level of embracing of others as a barometer of the degree to which we embrace ourselves.  Of course, an embrace is more than physical.  How we hold the space for someone to be all of who they are with their thoughts, feelings, and actions is a way of embracing each other.  What becomes evident when we do the work of getting to know the truth of who we are is the degree to which we do not embrace all of who we are.  If I cannot embrace and hold space for all my thoughts, feelings, and actions then how I can really do it for someone else.  We react to each other often because we are under the misconception that other people are doing something to us.  Through our daily dates, God has shown me how to embrace both the light and dark of who I am.  It is not easy to embrace my feelings of anxiety or anger especially when the world keeps telling me to flip it into gratitude as quickly as possible.  God does not shy away from the human experience the way we humans do. God has taught me there is no reward in embracing the idea that it is a success if I can spiritualize my way out of being human.  God has given us the courage of our hearts needed to embrace the full totality of our human experience and find the fruits of the spirit in the light and the dark.

So much of our brainpower is used to make use of the visual images we encounter.  There are the ones we are consciously taking in and others we do not even know we are seeing. Our brain automatically codes and categorizes those images for us.  Our nervous system takes that information and feeds it to the body so we know how and when to act based on the interpretation of the images.  The brain does this will all our senses but we tend to believe what we see as being the primary cause because it is a dominant experience of being human.  It is probably why the idea of being visually impaired or blind is frightening or baffling to us.  It is a beautiful gift to be able to see things, I am most grateful to have full use of this sense. The downside is how we get caught up in believing that the display is the whole picture.  In our system, our visual acuity works in conjunction with all our other senses to provide a full experience.  When we lean on the display as our only source of information we lose out.  It is how our perception of people can change when we go from seeing them in a picture to interacting with them in person.  It is not that their physical display is any different but when we add being able to hear them and touch them it is a different story.  The display can seem untouchable and infallible but when it comes out from behind the beautiful glass we have some real substance.  It is so easy to default into thinking that the display is the most important.  Life gives us ample chances to see past the display but often we are so busy being confused or disappointed because it does not match up with the parts we filled in from our imagination based on the display. God invites us to notice that we are perhaps less disappointed by how people are outside of the display not because of who they are but because of who we imagined them to be based on the display.  Equally, we may be working hard to meet other’s expectations of who we are supposed to be based on our own display. When we take a breath and open ourselves to the moment where we are present with the other person we can let go of what the display was in our heads and embrace the truth of who the other person is.

One of the elements that became clear to me when I worked as a teacher is how much of it is about planting seeds.  Never being much of a gardener it was not the first analogy that came to mind. I did not go into the teaching profession for results per se.  Of course, I wanted to have an impact on my students for the better hopefully.  With time I began to see that my essential role was to layout the kernels of learning both through direct instruction and action.  Once in a while, I would see a kernel take root.  Other times I even got to see it flower.  Most of the time I wondered if the kernels were any good or what the point was.  In those moments, I would come across a flower and be reminded it was worth it.  It became an act of surrender and courage. My teaching changed from the idea of wanting to shape lives to doing my best to provide kernels that would find the soil they needed to flower.  We all do this in our lives.  We get confused when we set up expectations but the truth is we never know how the kernel of our being will be received by others.  Some will not want to absorb it into their soil. Some will, but not water it.  Still, others will ingest it immediately and grow it into something not even resembling what we thought the kernel was made of.  God invites us to be the intention from our hearts and minds as to the kind of kernels we are giving to the world through our being more than our doing.  There is no forcing something to grow the way we want.  The most we can do is take care of our own soil so the flowering of our being will leave the kernel essence of who we are with all that we encounter.