dailydatewithgod

Life will metaphorically throw all kinds of things at us to the extent that it sometimes feels like a battle to overcome instead of a life to live. One of the most profound sayings I ever read was, “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” It is debatable who said it but the reality is it is prompted by a distinct understanding that our reality is happening within us. It can be saddening or frustrating but ultimately it is a beautiful demonstration of courage.  We do not know what endurance is until we live it. Our minds will tell us we cannot go on, we don’t have what it takes or it is not worth it.  Our hearts know full well the courage of endurance that is ready to be tapped into.  I choose to believe we live in a friendly universe that wants us to know all of what life has to offer.  We think the gems to be discovered are out there, but when we face challenges, we see the beauty of life through our capacity to endure.  It is precisely when our minds cannot see or conceive the possibility of keeping on and we fear we have no more resources, that our heart’s endurance shows up.  The form of endurance I adopted as a child facing sexual abuse at the hands of an ill father, may have seemed counterproductive from the outside because it involved self-harm.  However, it got me to a place where when it fell apart at the seems I had the agency as an adult to face the reality of what I had been enduring.  Everyone is fighting some kind of battle and it is not our business to understand why it is as large or small for them. It is the very battle that will open up the pathway to reconnect to the truth of who they are at their core. Our battles are our gifts in messy wrapping. Finding the endurance within us to face our battles shows us how connected we already are to what we need to live life fully.  When we take the time to connect to each other through our hearts we can witness with kindness the battles we are each enduring knowing that ultimately we are heading on the same path to the truth of who we are.

We do not know what is coming around the corner.  We can plan all we want but no life is devoid of the invariably bumps and curves that we all encounter.  The decision is, do we want to shape our lives by the curves presented, or do we want to shape our lives to handle the curves? We think it is all about knowing in our minds what the possible curves might be and planning ahead of time how to get around or through them and that can work to some extent.  It is the unexpected curves that require us to know the shape of who we are so we can navigate them as the curves and bumps present themselves.  Even when we know there is a curve ahead we do not know the full texture and composition of it.  An awareness of the shape of our hearts means we can tap into our internal courage which will guide us through the curves and bumps on the road in a way that we both learn more about the truth of who we are and our capacity for love.  We may think it is necessary to begrudge or fear the unknown curves and bumps because that is what we are told.  Yet often it happens that the very thing we feared and were resisting ends up being the curve or bump that allows the shape of the wholeness of ourselves to shine. God invites us to trust the shape of our hearts to guide the experience of what it means to show up and be both transformed by and transform the very curves and bumps we fear.

We can measure our lives by how we show up.  In the end, there is very little to what we think and feel if it does not create some action.  Our physiology and neural networks function this way as does the whole of life.  The funny part is that we think we have a complete understanding of what motion looks and feels like.  We get stuck because we believe if the action does not show up the way we think it should it is not happening.  We presume to think that just because we do not see it, it is not there.  God encourages us to pay close attention to what motion in our hearts is like.  It is not something we are inclined to look for unless it is something that literally takes away our breath in either a good or harmful way. Yet there is energetic movement present in the whole of our being.  There is motion happening all the time but we rely mostly on what we can see with our eyes.  Learning to open ourselves up to what it means to detect motion in a holistic sense can provide the balm needed for a troubled mind.  Energy is constantly in motion.  Our hearts have a particular sensitivity to that which we cannot see because it does not need to be filtered through the need to understand and put language to that the mind requires.  The breath, the rhythm, and the subtlety to which our hearts are attuned are always there to be present with the motion as it is flowing through us when we choose to avail ourselves of it.

So much of the fear that lives in our heads gets its juice from the black and white paradigm through which it operates.  We fear changes because they are unfamiliar and we make the assumption that they are forever.  Yet the very nature of change is that the change whatever it is will change again.  We presume some long journey of potential suffering when perhaps it is more of a sojourn through a new experience.  We cannot know ahead of time what we perceive as an unwelcome trip through discomfort how long it will actually last.  We forget how quickly we adapt and even things that are long journeys are not long in the discomfort space because it is simply a sojourn through unfamiliar or uncomfortable.  When we bring our attention into our hearts into their very rhythm we find ourselves living a sojourn between breaths.  We assume it will come but we do not know and then after a while, we get used to not knowing.  God invites us to be with the rhythm of our hearts when we want to run amuck on the fear train conjured in our minds.  By reconnecting to our own internal flow, we can ride the sojourn around each moment of change and feel with our whole selves what it means to embody life.

We like to think the goal is to have it all figured out.  Isn’t that what we are all here to do?  Isn’t that what we are all driving towards?  It certainly explains why we value concepts like truth and honesty.  The honest truth is most of what we figure out is an estimation.  Our minds cannot hold the awareness and understanding of the entire universe not to mention the possible multiple universes. We get a taste of it which I presume is enough given that is what is happening.  It is funny then that no matter how much of an estimation we have to hang our hat on, we believe it is not enough.  If this year has taught us anything it is that certainty is an illusion.  The full picture is only in hindsight.  God invites us to balance our mind’s desire to have it all figured out and trust the flow in our hearts which reminds us the estimation is enough.  It is enough because it is what allows us to do what is right in front of us to do.  To guard ourselves against any unforeseen circumstances (which is a fool’s errand) we convince ourselves that we can figure it all out if we just keep playing it over and over in our minds.  Bringing our system into balance with the peace of our hearts which allows an estimation to be enough gives us the courage we need to keep showing up, to appreciate the fullness of estimation we have at this moment and trust in the more that will be revealed.  It is a process, a dance, and an engaging way to interact with life that I fought with my whole being before I got into recovery.  So much of the essence of my addiction was about fighting reality.  It is exhausting and almost caused me to dull my soul so much I would have been a walking ghost of a person.  I resisted trusting my heart’s estimation of my reality because it contradicted with those in authority (whomever or whatever I saw as an authority at that time).  My daily dates with God became the restorative relationship I needed to reconnect with the truth of who I am at my core and let go of taking on the estimation of others as my own.

It is a curious practice to better understand how we operate as human beings as well as the design of the individual system we call “me”.  It may seem like navel-gazing but only if that is our intention. If navel-gazing is about embarking on a process of self-discovery to embrace the whole of who we are allowing each of us to operate with effectiveness and experience the fullness of life then sign me up.  The funny part is often the people around us know more about what mode we are operating in whether it is intentional or default.  Of course, there are nuances between those two modes but it gives us a framework to start with as we being the journey of self-discovery. Others know more because they can observe us from a distance.  God invites us as much as we want to develop that same observer mode so we can do what others do automatically.  On my daily dates with God, I get the opportunity to be in an observer mode following God’s mode of non-judgment and curiosity.  Through the lens of curiosity, I can notice what modes I operated from that caused me pain or joy. I can ask myself some questions. What mode I was in when I laid a particularly painful interpretation on what my coworker said to me?  If I replaced that mode with another one would my interpretation change? Was I in default mode or present with the interaction as it happened?  What mode do I want to be in as I explore the options for a remedy?  God sees limitless possibilities.  To adopt a mode of unlimited possibilities we can embrace a posture of curiosity about how the modes in which we operate most often represent the truth of who we are.

While the energetic state of the universe often escapes our cognitive awareness it is not any less present or real.  God gave us a heart that knows the meaning of vibrations and fluctuations which we can witness through the physical heart.  We also know of it when we sense something we cannot see, hear, touch, taste, or smell but we know is present.  The energetic life force breathing and moving through the whole of space and time is the same that moves through our hearts, minds, and bodies.  We are whole and we are part of the greater whole.  It is no wonder we experience a sense of loneliness and separation, we spend a lot of time listening to and believing in a world that says we are different from that which we were created.  It doesn’t take more than a few minutes spent in nature to restore our sense of belonging.  It may not be the kind of belonging that the world touts as important or valued.  It is the true belonging below the surface.  The kind of belonging that moves in and through us on a vibrational level.  The rhythm of our hearts mirrors the beats of drums and the buzzing of a bee.  The vibration of our being shares a connection with the sprout of a flower and the rushing of water through a river.   I am not a naturalist.  I don’t’ even see myself as particularly environmentally aware.  Yet this city gal knows part of what invigorates me about the city life is the buzzing and vibration of life in motion.  God showed me on our daily dates that this vibration does not have to be experienced only with speed.  There is a caretaking element to the quietness of being in nature where I can only hear my heart beating inside my chest.  All of life’s vibrations whether fast or slow invite us to belong to all of who we are and rediscover our connection to its energetic flow.

I am not sure if it is part of growing up female or being an incest survivor or a combination of both but somewhere along the way, I got repeated messages about how not to value my own conceptions and ideas about things, specifically about my own reality.  My guess it is part of the human and spiritual evolution of all human beings to come to terms with what it means to give clout to one’s own perception.  It is easy to think that some people do not struggle with giving their own ideas clout because we cannot see it demonstrated the way it shows up for us.  They are the people we think are born with that skill.  The very reality of what it means to be human means that most of who we are and what skills we possess are a combination of nature and nurture.  Regardless of what circumstances we are born into the opportunity for personal sovereignty is there for us.  Some of us require more trial and error to develop a sense of inner clout. God invites us to utilize the experiences in our lives that may cause us to question how much clout we give our internal understanding. When it is all said and done we do not take anyone or anything with us.  All we have is within ourselves.  The hope is that when we interact with each other, we trust the other person gives clout to his or her perception.  This does not make it more valuable than our own level of clout but may provide a different angle through which to see something. If we or the person with whom we are interacting does not give clout to our perceptions it will hinder the opportunity to learn from one another. It may be uncomfortable to state what we think and believe for fear of nonacceptance but that is why our hearts are filled with courage.  God invites us to give clout to our perception of our reality so we can determine with clarity whether what we are learning from another is a good fit for us or not.

There is a line in the book Alcoholics Anonymous which states that one has to get rid of all their old ideas.  It is written in a great context but when I first heard it I found it to be unimaginable.  I did not sound possible.  I somehow grasped on those simple words that if I were to truly take on this 12 step way of life my whole life would change.  I had little grasp of what my old ideas were I just knew I would need to let go.  Being inclined to black and white thinking in my fear I saw myself being metaphorically stripped at once of all my understandings. In reality, it was more of a taper.  By working the steps, putting down my alcoholic foods, and adopting a new way of thinking, some of the old ideas just disappeared.  Others stuck around and when it was time for me to face them I did.  I originally feared a lot of writhing and clutching but what I found was the freedom that came as the old ideas began to taper. From there I developed a willing stance as more old ideas whose time had come surfaced.  The tapering of an old idea went from something to be feared to something I was inviting.  God showed me I had the courage in my heart to face the fear of letting go and see it for the smoke and mirrors keeping me from inhabiting the truth of who I am.  The taper cleared the path of rediscovering who I am.

The distinguishing factor between our mind and our heart is the directness and volume at which they speak.  In our minds, the language that is used is straightforward and fits into a system of communication that is understandable outside ourselves as well.  The language of the heart is subtle and quiet.  One reason why children and those we label as intellectually challenged have a more open and perhaps louder speaking heart is that they are not as indoctrinated in the logical language of the mind.  They do not yet know the importance culture has placed on needing to be able to explain one’s inner reality in a way others can grasp.  Children have no problem using their imagination and going with the hints their hearts prompt them to take.  The hints of our hearts encourage us to breathe and be in the moment, to see with more than our eyes and let go of the need to make things understandable.  Allowing the hints from our hearts to travel to our minds is one way of integrating ourselves.  Letting go of the need to make sense and be right in our mind so others will accept makes room for the hints to guide us into an experience of life that is not limited by what is already known.  Learning to make room for the hints of our hearts means we trust that life will unfold and we will have what we need to face whatever comes when it comes.