dailydatewithgod

There is this strange phenomenon by which we only understand things due to an experience of their opposite.  It is not a secret we live a dual experience yet we consistently strive to maintain only one side. We want to be happy all the time, we only want good things to happen, we want to have money and things, and so on.  The things or ideas we perceive as being on the positive side of the spectrum are what we want to maintain.  I am not wondering why more people don’t want to be sad.  I get that.  Why do we fall for the idea that life can and should be only one side of the duality?  I do it too.  I want to maintain the good feelings, I resist the bad ones, and I even go so far as to think I have failed or there is something wrong with me if I am experiencing the downside of duality. What if all it is the variety of life? There were times in my life when I decided to close my heart off because I had was hurt.  What I did not know until much later is that I didn’t just avoid getting hurt.  I avoided being loved and giving love.  The ebb and flow, the change of course, the good and the bad, the right and wrong are all part of this life experience. Each time I find myself resisting reality I know deep down it is pointless.  In recovery and on my daily dates with God I learned how to be with whatever is happening.  I may not like it or understand it.  Within all of us is the courage to feel and be with whatever we are experiencing.  The more I am willing to tap into the courage of my heart and be with what is the more vivid life becomes.  The duality becomes something I no longer need to avoid or try and run from.  I can open up to it on a very simple level when I breathe in and out instead of holding my breath.

The funny thing about all the labels we have for each other from the simple man or woman to black or white is we are so used to them we think they are who we are.  We look to other people with the same label to understand more about ourselves.  When we are asked to describe ourselves we use the same labels.  The labels are only part of the story.  There are known elements of ourselves.  But what about the unknown elements of who we are?  What about the areas of ourselves we have yet to explore?  How much of who you are is contained as a construct in your mind versus a knowing in your heart?  How much of what really makes you you is housed in what you know about yourself versus what is unknown to you about you?  What might we learn about ourselves if we take the time to look at ourselves without our labels?  How might God want to show us who we truly are in the quiet dark spaces we dare not tread?  What if the labels we fear also describe us are not what they seem?  What if what we think we know about ourselves is more about what we want to know versus what we are afraid to know?  What if we could embark on a journey into the unknown through our hearts?  What if God is calling us at every moment with each breath and ignition of our hearts to take a peek at the unknown of ourselves through the lens God has placed in our hearts?  What if?

Taking a moment to recognize what is within all of us but sometimes we are not able to see means adopting an attitude of humility that does not come easily.  It is the dance of life that we go back and forth and all around what it is we truly know and understand about ourselves and our experience.  It is said that this is the only moment we are in and can fully be present to.  The key is being present to it but not being hindered or driven by what we arrive with.  How can we take an attitude of learning when we are valued by what we already know and held in less esteem when we are unknown?  These are the wonderings and questions of a seeker of the heart and light of life. It begins the curious conversation of what to find ourselves into an experience versus having it or knowing it.  Our souls pull on our hearts strings to embody our knowing which goes much below a knowing in our head. It begins with the breath and acknowledging that our unknown is just as valuable as our known.  As we embark on another year of exploring our understandings of the Great I AM, the Creator or whatever names one gives such a presence, I invite us all to stay connected to our breath as a gateway to our hearts.  It is where life begins and ends.

There is a lot of talk these days about being awakened or as some say, being woke.  Essential to the practice of mindfulness is presence.  The present moment is the only one we can tell in any kind of concrete fashion that is actually happening.  Of course, I could write about the discussion of the various arguments about how time is actually past, present, and future all at once or at least not linear the way we perceive it to be, but that is for another time, lol! I have found value in being present in my life as it is happening and I find that the moments I am not I do miss out.  Physical presence is the most obvious but we all know how easy it is to be physically present but somewhere else in our minds.  It is this mind and heart presence from which we derive our sense value from presence.  We are often not aware of our physical presence and spend most of our time in our heads. Our awareness of physical presence comes more from others than ourselves.  In fact when we experience absence the most notable way is physical absence.  In most circles, it is heralded as the most valuable.  Yet how many of us have spent time physically around someone who was not there mentally or emotionally?  We are slow to recognize how we actually bring much more presence to an experience than just our physical body.  Energetically we show up as well.  It is the subtle energy shift that happens and we are slow to label which alters the physical experience. When the energy shifts because of absence we say the mood changes.  Someone goes from being enthusiastic and supportive to disappointed and withdrawn and we have a different experience around them.  We do the same thing with ourselves and others. Absence is just as powerful of a force as presence because it changes the dynamic of presence.  As I work through letting go of old ideas and stories about who I or other people are, there is an absence of those elements which allow me to be more present with them and myself.  If I have an interaction with someone who is preoccupied and absent in mind or heart, I experience their physical presence as less than fully present as compared to another time when they were not preoccupied.  In other words, sometimes what is needed is not more presence but more absence.  Sometimes, we need to resolve what is in our hearts and leave it out when we encounter a situation or person so we can be present to who they are and what is actually happening. If we want to learn more about ourselves, we can notice what is absent within us when we interact with one person versus another. It can provide a clue as to what presence we are bringing to our experience with some and not others.

If we want to get a sense of what moves us from one moment to the next it is helpful to pay attention to our inclinations.  We naturally gravitate towards our penchants. In some cases, we identify our penchants as ourselves when we give ourselves labels attached to our identity.  We go from having a penchant for surfing to being a surfer. God invites us to notice our penchants as a way of noticing who we are being and the underpinnings of what drives our hearts.  It is not likely to have a penchant for something you hate. It actually stands in contradiction to the very definition of the word.  It is not unusual to have a penchant for something familiar but no longer actually connects to who we are at our core.  We adopt it as a way of being and moving through the world without a sense of how it grows our hearts and enables us to grow in life. We may develop a penchant for something as a child and be praised for it.  What starts out as a general inclination or interest then becomes our identity when all it was meant to be is something to get us moving in a particular direction.  When we choose to notice our penchants and observe them from our heart space we can determine if they move us from a place of familiarity, resonate with the core of who we are, or perhaps both.

Often when I hear people say they cannot meditate it is because when they manage to get themselves still their mind does not stop chattering.  Somewhere there is this concept floating out there that meditation is about clearing one’s mind.  There are many forms and traditions of meditation and maybe there are some that state the purpose is to clear your mind but that is not what I am familiar with. I have certainly had moments of clarity and being lifted out of or above my experience through meditation but I do not seek that out as a goal.  God has taught me on our dates to pay attention to the chatter and not get sucked into it.  The distinction is during meditation one develops the practice of watching the chatter as separate from the person experiencing it. The funny part is when we stop to notice the chatter, we realize it is happening all the time as a running soundtrack in our minds.  It is only when we slow down and pause that we can see it.  It is not useless but often it is repetitive.  The chatter indicates our mind’s ability to do what it does, think things.  Meditation is the practice of pausing to look at a piece of the chatter and decide if it is worth putting more energy into.  Noticing the chatter allows us to make it work for us instead of against us.  Telling ourselves there is something wrong with us because the chatter is happening when we stop to meditate is like telling our skin it is wrong for covering our bones.

On some level, we are warehouses full of information.  We are exposed to and consume a tremendous amount of info on a given day.  Some of it we are aware of as it comes in cognizant forms.  Other forms of information are just absorbed energetically.  When we attempt to learn something we intentionally set out to fully digest the information we find.  Sometimes, however, we have a potential interest but are not sure how much we want to devote to learning about it.  Those are the times we dip our toe in the water just to get a sense of the temperature.  One of the magical elements of living with awareness is the degree to which our heart acquaints us with a deep experience of our being.  Sometimes it comes like a flood of overwhelming energy and information but most of the time it is like the still small quiet voice of our soul using the heart to peak our interest.  We can respond by acquainting ourselves with how it shifts our experience and ideas about an experience when we breathe and let it in.  Our hearts choose to acquaint us with the inner workings of our spirit and call us to awaken to the truth of who we are.  In the space of connection by being acquainted with our hearts we can notice how our view of life begins to shift.  Using the opportunity of invitation, we can dip our toes into learning how the awakening of our heart shows us who we are who is experiencing whatever it is.  We get a sense of a deeper awareness when we open and explore what it means to be acquainted with our heart’s energetic space without needing external prompting. If we are not open or ready to initiate it ourselves, we can continue to accept the invitations to acquaint that come from outside of us.  The heart does not pressure us into awareness, it comes as an invitation to acquaint with no strings attached.  Just like we go through life often unaware of its physical functioning from moment to moment, we can do the same with the energetic awareness of our hearts.  The core of who we are will always be there whether we are interested in getting to know it or not.

I have often heard people talk about how puzzled they are about how as human beings we have this propensity to not sustain the things that are good for us and to give in too easily to the things that are not good for us.  I have certainly had that experience through my dance with addiction. In general, I believe we have just as much propensity to stay on kilter as we do to go out of kilter. I believe it has more to do with what we pay attention to and what we are committed to.  In the deepest part of our nature as well as our animal nature is a commitment to survival.  What may seem like the things that will cause us to go off-kilter and lose our state of working well may be the very thing that will keep us alive in the moment.  It is not so much about how to avoid getting out of kilter as it is about knowing how to get our kilter back. Reorienting my life through my daily dates with God and the steps in recovery brings me back to kilter.  It is those things that daily feed a sense of freedom and fulfillment which keep me in tune with my heart.  I know if I stay committed to them I am likely to stay on kilter.  If I renege on my commitment to myself by not showing up for those things I am more likely to be thrown off-kilter. A willingness to grow in relationship with our hearts is what brings kilter to our lives. Our hearts embody the core of our true selves.  The reality is there will always be things poised to throw me out of kilter, and if I am not grounded in the truth of who I am, I will fall for them. The time we spend cultivating awareness of our hearts will provide the necessary landing space when we do go off-kilter by providing a pathway back to kilter. God has taught me nothing is lost or pointless.  If I use it to grow in love, anything which causes me to get out of kilter can bring about a return to my heart.

Life is a step by step experience.  Each moment comes with a breath and a movement whether physically or energetically.  What we often tote as dramatic changes are only the time when we do not notice all the incremental changes which led do the dramatic one.  We never know as we take those increments how they will turn up when added up.  We think we want to know but that just stems from the idea that we think it is worth the increments only if we know what they will result in.  The beauty God has shown me is the ability to revel and enjoy each increment as it is occurring. Our daily dates have created the heart musculature for being present with what is.  For all I know I may not be around when the dramatic change occurs.  If I can learn to be present with myself and the fullness of the experience happening with each increment the final result will either not matter or be more profound because I am connected to the increments which led to it.  Our hearts open us up to the beauty of the increments which make up the whole of our lives when our minds want to focus only on the outcomes. Connecting with our breath to open our heart awareness is the key to reveling in the increments any time we want.

Often the hardest thing is the space between thinking and action.  There is a feeling of immobility stemming from fear based on our thinking.  It is an interesting mechanism by which we find ourselves unable to move from the experience of thought to the experience of motion because of our thinking.  Our thinking about a past motion, thinking about potential outcomes and, thinking about others’ thinking are all forms of keeping us from actual movement. The action is the action.  In and of itself it has no perspective.  In other words, we are not so much afraid of the actual action or its outcome qs we are afraid of what we or potentially others will think about it.  Anyone who moves into action will know the experience regardless of what they may or may have not thought about it beforehand.  Nothing short of taking the actual action is the only thing that enables us to know in a real sense what happens.  Actions are the overtures of life.  Living is an active thing.  Living is something in motion. Living is energy that is alive and taking shape as it is happening. If we want to be introduced into our lives we need to take the overtures embodied the actions which comprise them.  We are not judged by our thinking, we are judged by our actions.  Thinking amounts to nothing until it becomes action.  Unfortunately, some of us have spent so much time fearing the power of our own thinking we think ourselves out of action.  In recovery, I learned action is what matters because I will have lots of thoughts and spend lots of time thinking and potentially nothing could come of it.  The overtures allow us to see what we are really made outside of who we think we are.  I can look back at my life thus far and recognize that it is the overtures in my life which tell me more about what I am capable of despite what I think about my capability.