dailydatewithgod

One of the primary focuses when it comes to relationships of any kind with others is communication. It seems to be where most things break down in a relationship.  The challenge is found in the various kinds of communication which are available to us.  Yes, we communicate with words and given there are multiple accepted meanings to words plus we each have our own understanding of words, it is a set up for confusion.  Then there is the physical communication of what we do with our body and the tone of our voice when we communicate with others.  Then you add in the energetic component and is it any real surprise how conflict occurs when communication is involved?  Some people find it so frustrating they opt out as much as possible which creates another challenge. According to several communication experts there are levels of communication. The main ones are words, tone, and body language. We default to the words which as already indicated because of various meaning options are not as straightforward as it sounds.  Then you throw in the context which changes the accepted meaning and challenges ensue.  What we have learned, however, is the actual words rank lower on the scale of what is actually imparted. This seems to stem from the fact that we are not even certain how long humans have been using language.  Before that were grunts accompanied by a tone and body language.  Without realizing it we are inclined to pick up on the tone and body language quicker than the actual words. Has anyone else noticed how our present-day inclination to use texting and email as a main form of communication leaves out those two factors?  Then add to it how much we fill in the actual words in any kind of conversation that we do not understand and don’t quite hear clearly and one sees where the opportunities are ripe for conflict. How can we make sure we are imparting what we want to convey in our communication what we actually intend to impart?  Having an awareness of all these layers of communication presents us with the chance to look at how much we are in alignment with ourselves.  Do we say what we really mean?  Have we checked in with ourselves to make sure we are imparting what our intention is?  If we find ourselves saying things we don’t mean, we are not fooling anyone.  They can tell by our body language and tone of voice.  Making sure we are imparting what is true for us requires us to be in touch with our own truth.  It is an invitation to pause and get connected to ourselves before attempting to impart anything to anyone else.  Anytime we find we are struggling in our communication with others, it may be time to take a look at what is happening within us first. We are not responsible for how others respond to what we are imparting, but we are responsible for what we decide to impart.

We know our minds create distinctions.  It is helpful for us to categorize things to make sense of them.  If we had no way of filtering information and learning we would go nuts from the sheer amount we are exposed to.  We are aware of the more vivid experiences because they are often at the forefront of our minds. We can draw from the striking elements of our lives precisely because they struck something inside of us.  This is where the role of the heart can be overlooked.  The reason our minds and even our bodies take something in as a vivid experience or moment is because of our heart’s connection to its energy.  We are moved by the intensity of emotion.  We feel the strength and power of a person’s actions because it exists within our own hearts.  Feelings which are the language of the heart both physical and energetic create the vividness we are experiencing.  It is only through the vivid nature of something that causes it to surpass simply a fleeting thought or idea.  The vividness is what happens when something goes from an idea to a lived experience.  The vividness is what we use to describe the experience to someone else.  The vividness gives us the wherewithal to explain the meaning and what made it so vivid for us.  As much as sometimes we think we would want to not have feelings connected to what we are thinking or doing, if we are honest we realize life would lose its liveliness.   It is the very vivid nature of our reality which makes it more than just a story in a book.  We can appreciate the vividness of even difficult circumstances when we take away the judgment and just allow them to be circumstances fully felt.

Without realizing it when we close ourselves off to ideas we do not agree with we create a fortress.  Our inclination to fall prey to various biases such as confirmation bias forms part of the fortress.   We glom onto ideas that match what we already know. It has obviously served some sort of survival purpose but when it erects a fortress of protection around our idea of who we are it is working against us.  There is nothing wrong with knowing who we are and how we think, that is important.  However, despite our initial reaction of creating a fortress to protect ourselves it ends up protecting us from things we may want to be open to receiving.  Knowing we can let down our guard to consider the information, gives us a way of flexing around the confirmation bias. The fortress around our ego can be very strong at times so it may feel uncomfortable to loosen the walls.  By softening the fortress walls around our mind’s idea of self, we allow some breathing room for our hearts to provide some perspective.  Choosing to loosen the strength of the fortress provides the opportunity to practice opening communication lines between our heads and our hearts.  The practice then becomes the portal of opportunity for our hearts and mind to work in conjunction.  Our hearts will always be the fortress for the truth of who we are.  Sometimes unknowingly we make choices from our heads about what will impact who we are without knowing who we really are at our core.

It is no secret what our minds are primed for because there is a voice that is constantly chattering away at us.  It is often a voice of fear about what might go wrong, about what is currently not what it is supposed to be or about how it is not going to change.  Our minds seem to be primed for potential danger.  Although we would not word it as danger from an evolutionary standpoint, danger is exactly what we are how we are primed.  Avoiding danger equals survival so this is a good thing. Our minds are not a lost cause because of how we are primed.  Neuroscientists have discovered that we can change our priming.  It takes effort which requires energy and attention but it can be done.  One element of my daily date with God has been the retraining of my mind to be primed for gratitude.  I was having a discussion with a good friend this morning about the power of gratitude and how it shifts the mind.  Each time we take a breath, we can be grateful we are breathing. There is a never-ending list of things to be grateful for at any moment.  I am grateful to know how to type which gives me the means to express myself in writing on an electronic device.  I am grateful to have fingers that can feel the keys.  It is easy to go with the default priming of negative expectations or worry.  When we remember that with each breath we awaken and invite our hearts into the conversation with the mind our perspective can be primed to find something in which to be grateful.  During a dark and frustrating moment or days, it can be the last thing we want to be primed to do.  Honestly, it can be irritating or unwisely used as some sort of spiritual bypass through feelings. However, after years of making gratitude an active practice I can tell you that the periods of negativity are shorter and less impactful because it literally hurts my brain to stay in that space.

In the moments which catch us by surprise, we feel it in our body as well as our attention. There is a surge of energy indicating, beyond our seeing that something is happening. Something has interrupted our normal breath pattern.  Something has caused us to stop what we are doing and turn our focus towards something else.  The feeling of the surge can be overwhelming as it jerks us awake and to attention. On one level there is a positive experience of being alive which might explain why people love surprises.  Depending on the context, however, it may seem negative because of the origin of the surprise.  When you factor in one’s previous experience with surprises another layer is added to how we feel about the surge happening within us.  The surge of energy in our hearts is something our minds will seek to explain and categorize. What if we could allow the surges to be just an experience in our hearts without the explanation?  What if we allowed ourselves to be brought to attention and feel alive in our body as a recognition of being alive?  What if we could connect to the surges and redirect them to where we want our focus to be?  We all know what it is like to experience surges in our body but how attuned could we become if we intended to pay attention to how those surges are experienced in our hearts.  It may sound ridiculous but we get an opportunity to do so each time we take a breath.  We are conditioned to think surges only occur when we are surprised, but they are happening each time we take a deep breath.  Our hearts physically and possibly on other levels experience surges with each influx of new oxygen.  Most of us have grown so unconscious of our breathing we do not notice how it surges the energy in our hearts until we are surprised.

Life is not a walk in the park.  We are faced with problems and challenges which require us to wake up and face the gap that exists between what we expect and what is happening. I have found more difficulty when I go into a situation or relate to a person based on what I already know versus being open to what might happen.  Biologically this is inherent to avoid danger and keep us alive.  However, in the world we live in today there is little reason to fear death from an encounter with others.  The way my life has expressed itself I have learned that where there is wounding there is the possibility of healing.  I know sometimes we feel broken and torn apart by life.  We have moments when we can’t imagine there is anything that would relieve the pain.  On my daily dates with God, I have found a balm that opens me up to connecting an option other than pain.  The daily ritual of prayer and meditation allows me to reconnect with my heart.  Within my heart exists the balms needed to heal the wounds I might be certain have no cure. By pausing and breathing, my mind becomes open to seeing many different balms I never imagined would function as a balm.  The ones that blow me away are the ones when a similar experience as an adult provides the balm needed for the injury that occurred as a child.  I couldn’t script those if I tried and they sound like a bad idea to my mind.  Other times the balm is the exact opposite experience.  The only conclusion I can come to is if I stay connected to my heart it will lead me to whatever balms are needed to restore the alignment of the truth of who I am at my core.  Our hearts contain the courage to go down the strange and seemingly contradictory path.  Our hearts open our eyes to the contradictions of our minds which might be standing in the way of the very balms we need to remember we are whole.

I am fascinated by characters who tell it like it is.  They speak their truth because it is clear to them it is time to say something.  Depending on the kind of film it is it can either end up being inspiring or the character’s one moment that stands out from the rest. Either way, I recognize gumption.  I am told that as a child I had a lot of gumption.  Although knowing there was so much I was not saying as a kid I think maybe what happened is I used the energy where it was safe to do so.  I knew enough not to have so much gumption as to get myself into trouble but enough to amuse others. Today I look at the capacity to speak up and do what needs to be done despite what is expected differently.  In my life today I use the gumption that comes from my heart in a way that allows me to convey what needs to be said or do what needs to be done because it is within me.  It is not about how others might react.  Sure, sometimes I wish I could be like Julia Sugarbaker from Designing Women and go off on people so much that they are at a loss as to what to say, but it is not my heart’s style.  My heart moves more along the lines of steady gumption that creates an action which makes room for love to become the driving force.  It is the difference between gumption driven by ego versus gumption driven by the courage of heart.  I think we all need to experience and experiment with both and determine for ourselves what is the right balance.  I am still on the search for the true purpose of my gumption.

There is a flow of life of which we are both a part of and mixed into.  When we find a way to stay in alignment with this flow there is a certain rhythmic quality to life.  The undulating nature of how it moves resonates within us because it mirrors the physical movements of our hearts.  It is our hearts letting us know energetically when we have stepped outside of our undulating nature.  When we find ourselves stuck emotionally or mentally, it can help us to look for ways to reconnect with undulating. Children know it instinctively as they will allow their bodies to oscillate when they pause to figure out what to do next.  We might give kids a hard time for being so squiggly and not being able to be still, but maybe they are on to something we have become too adult to do.  Perhaps they are more in touch with the intrinsic nature of their hearts than we are.  Even the fact of the rotation of the planets has a flow should speak to the fundamental aspect of undulating.   It is why we love the ocean. Being in the presence of the rise and fall of the waves makes sense and brings us a sense of peace. It reminds us of how our hearts are operating without our awareness and how the heart of our mother operated when we were in the womb.  My daily dates with God are often accompanied by a little swing in the rocking recliner of my prayer space.  It is childlike but it also connects to an inner sense of what it means to be undulating with life. Any time we use our physical presence to remind us to consciously initiate the rise and fall of our breath, we are connecting to the undulating nature inherent within us.  From there, the ripple effects of our energy set their course.

We think of investments in terms of how we allocate our money, but we make investments in all areas of our lives.  Noticing which investments are affecting the growth and openness of my heart is something I have learned on my daily dates with God.  Paying attention to my investments of time, attention, and energy is vital to know the status of my heart.  The degree to which I invest in people or situations which take away from the openness of my heart translates into the access and willingness to grow in love. I can get stuck in expectations and ideas that I am sure are true despite the evidence.  By the time I am aware of my heart shutting down or wanting to close off, I have most likely already invested in something that does not serve my greatest good. We are all doing our best and with so many choices when it comes to the investments in our lives, it is easy to get lost on the path of life.  Yet wherever we are on the path, as long as we are still in the game, the opportunity to reassess our investments is available to us.  Developing an awareness that what the world defines as a fruitful investment of my time, attention, and energy may be different from what my heart is telling me helps.  When I am not sure if the investments I am making are the ones which will contribute to my growth but I am drawn to because it will make someone else happy, I can pause and check-in.  I take a breath, which ignites my heart and I turn to God, “Is this where my focus is best invested?” “Am I investing in someone else’s heart at the expense of mine?” It is not about getting it right all the time, it is about growing on the path and paying attention to where our investments are leading us.

We get used to moving at such a fast pace we sometimes forget we have an option.  At any time we can pause. In case we forget, our body reminds us of this option each time we take a breath.  Hesitating is sometimes seen as a weakness but is it really?  According to whom?  To the person who moves a thousand miles a minute?  To the person who is in a rush?  To the person who does not know how to set boundaries for themselves?  We can choose to go within and check with ourselves before responding to an experience or a person.  Just because we are being asked to provide input or say what we think, does not mean it must be on the other person’s timeline.  If we are reluctant to give ourselves permission to hesitate, we could blame it on another person or the circumstance, but would that be the truth?  Maybe we do not practice hesitating because we do not want to hold others up. Perhaps our need to be validated by another’s response to our participation in a way they would like is what we are choosing instead of hesitating to make sure it a true response for us.  Maybe we do not want to face what we perceive others will feel about our hesitating.  When we choose not to hesitate because of someone or something outside of ourselves, we are giving away our power.  In recovery, I learned the power of saying “I’ll get back to you on what I think or feel about ___________.”  I choose on my best days to presume when something is being asked of me whether it is my thoughts or my behavior, the requester genuinely wants the response to be from me, not from what I think is wanted by someone else. I know from experience when I take the time to check in with my heart I am better apt to provide clear communication with my words and actions which mirror what is authentic for me in the moment.  Seeing the practice of hesitating as an empowering one means using the eyes of my heart along with the eyes of my mind.