dailydatewithgod

I was relatively young when I started using the expression “Random!” when things outside the ordinary would occur.  Certainly within the definition of the word it was an easy catch phrase to indicate that whatever I was experiencing was something that defied any rational explanation. I like things that make sense.  I like for their to be an answer to the question, especially a right answer.  It makes me feel safe. As a mixture of maturity and sobriety I have come to understand that so many things defy rational explanation.  I am in acceptance most of the time that not everything is going to make sense and there is not going to be a right answer. Some things are just random.  It reminds me to embrace the mystery of life, be surprised by life, and just relax.  As long as I know where my true safety lies, I can be open to the randomness.  Designs are unsymmetrical, certain paths are crooked, and there are all kinds of pattern which do not match.  As I build and strengthen my relationship with God, I am willing to open myself to the beauty of randomness, of the other, of the outside the box perception.  The openness allows my eyes to shift and see it may not be random at all.  Maybe it is all as it is supposed to be. Life would be very boring if there were no randomness.  We would laugh less, have less to inquire about, and become shut in by our expectations of order. We would default to only relying on our intellect because it would have the answer to everything.  Sounds kind of bland and lifeless.

We write TO DO lists to check off.  We have a check list in our mind of what is considered appropriate in certain situations. We design check lists for flying a plane and performing surgery.  We formulate a must have check list for our partners.  We live in a government that works from a system of checks and balances.  We even give Santa Claus a list of children so none are forgotten. There are multiple areas of life which function by checking on them.  It allows us to create a sense of accomplishment.  Our brains thrive on getting the task done and checking it off the list.  We get a hit of dopamine when put a check mark next to the item. But what about our spiritual lives?  Do we have a way of checking on it?  Do we have a check list for God?  Does God measure up to it?  How often do we check in with ourselves, our body, our thinking?  We can mobilize our brain’s system of thriving off of checks by putting it towards empowering avenues.  How might we approach the difficult situation at work if we first stopped to check in with ourselves about how we felt about it?  Would we respond differently if we first checked in with where in our body we noticed the tension when we read the text or email message?  Might we enlist God’s help to remind us to breathe if we were checking on where God is in that moment of our lives?  My daily date with God, my devoted time of prayer and meditation, is a checking in with God and myself.  Before I go out into my day, checking on what my mind, body, and heart are aligned with allows me to be more effective, compassionate, curious, and it reminds me to breathe. If I cannot check off the breathing part of my being, no other kind of check list will help. 😉

Being aware of how things function goes a long way in understanding what makes them work.  Our respiratory and circulatory systems have an operation.  They also have a system in our body of working in operation with one another.  Both are valuable on their own, but in order for our whole body to function they must have an operation with each other.  Strange as it may seem we as human beings also work as an operation. An awareness of our own internal mind operation gives us a clue into what drives us to be in action. The operation of the mind is multifaceted and dependent upon so many outside influence.  It can seem daunting to even begin to take a look under the hood.  If we desire to operate more efficiently and effectively in our own lives taking a look is necessary.  We get to be our own mechanic.  When I think about this, I feel like that.  When I feel like this, I think about that.  What I am thinking about right now is causing me to move in this way, treat someone this way or choose one thing over another.  God invites us to look at the operation of our hearts, minds, and bodies as a unifying experience.  No matter how much we think we can, we cannot separate our mind, heart, and body from influencing one another.  The question is, do we wish to make the best use of the relationship foundation God has laid in our creation or do we want to be at the mercy of it?  We may need to spend some time focusing on one area of operation more than another but as we grow wholly, we can embrace their collaborative function and begin to operate from all three in harmony. Engaging the development of all three is what God invites me to do on our dates every morning.  I may show up in the operation of my mind, body, or heart predominantly but she prompts me to ask what my heart or body’s  experience of my mind is right now.  He wants us all to know the value of each individual operation and the power of aligning the three to be present as the gifts we are to the world.

We have this relationship with our mind.  We are constantly engaging cognitively with life even when we are unaware of it. The myriad of thoughts running through our mind are the filters through which our body processes our reality.  There is no way we can be aware of all of our thoughts, it would overwhelm us.  The way to start is by paying attention to the reappearing ones.  If you spend any time in silence you quickly become aware of your thoughts.  It can be like having a radio station on 24-7 in between your ears.  I’ll never forget the day I was in my car and I reached over to turn the radio off and realized it was not on. The radio I wanted to turn off was the one in my head.  The thoughts it was running were on what I call the KFCK station.  (insert expletive FM station).  Does that one ever play in your head?  I was giving myself a hard time about something I said to someone else and was replaying in mind all the while coming up with multiple scenarios of how I could have done something different.  Each option was getting tossed aside as not good enough for the DJ. Because God does not quickly run to shut off the KFCK station, I am able to play it on our date.  God invites me to breathe into the thoughts spewing from the DJ as though it does not apply to me.  God shows me how to place my hand on my heart and listen from there to what is not being said.  She wants me to see the painful thoughts are just a way of letting me know there is some hurt and pain.  The thoughts cannot do anything besides provide an indication of how I am feeling.  Once I settle into my heart space there is room for spirit through the breath to embrace the hurt and pain and find a path of healing. God has taught me the value of paying attention to these thoughts without judgment and ask them, as though a child, “Why have you come today?  What are you here to teach me?” Then there is room for love to grow in me and from me.

We draw more from our imagination than we realize.  Our brains have a particular relationship with images that it does not have with words or numbers.  Images that are not yet defined create and atmosphere of mystery and get our mind moving.  We long to have meaning about everything.  It our logical brains sense of safety to have an understanding of everything.  When we open ourselves up to being in the mystery there are multiple possibilities of meaning.  Words and numbers have a set meaning and definition that our brains default to so we often look past them and go straight to what we already know.  With images there is an opening to stretch or configure new meanings.  It gives our spirit a place to play.  It gives our heart a time to reflect.  It can even give our minds a time of reprieve. Einstein is credited with saying “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”  A strong statement for a man who was and is valued for his knowledge.  God invites us to play in the space of images to incorporate the balance of heart and spirit into our reality. Scientific studies have shown that images imprint on our minds and inform our experience.  Just imagining is the equivalent of experiencing something to our minds. Perhaps God’s invitation is to invite balance and possibilities beyond what our logic can design.

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of something and wondered how you got there?  You were sure you were following a specific path or trajectory and then you wake up to realize you are in a different space than you intended.  Circumstances did not work out the way you had planned, and you are now in the midst of facing things and making decisions you did not foresee.  I think we all experience in many areas of our lives.  Our life is not what we plan, it is who we are being as it happens.  I believe God who created us sees beyond what we can see.  God does not have a small plan for our lives.  God wants our souls to be able to rejoice at the whispered reminder we are alive today.  God wants our hearts to be tickled by the vast possibilities of love built into a feather.  God desires us to come to a clear recognition that we are loved beyond what our being can encompass.  God wants us in the midst of his reality.  She invites us to open the eyes of our hearts when we find ourselves in these places we did not foresee for ourselves and ask, “God what do you see for me here than I am not seeing?”  When life is going along just fine we do not often stop and ask God for his sight.  When we feel in sync with the flow of life we do not wonder if she is seeing it the same way because we are in the midst of it.  Alignment with God brings a peace and a satisfaction that is beyond explanation and when we are in the midst of it, even the bumps and difficulties seem a little less drastic.

As a child I learned early on not to question certain realities lest I find out I was to blame.  I feared the truth I had created in my head that it was my fault.  As an incest survivor I was facing a situation in which my father was not taking responsibility. I believe he was reliving his own trauma and could not take responsibility. All children, no matter the specific circumstances take on the responsibility when the adults around them do not. Children are open souls and generously take on the responsibility because to not do so would create an unsurvivable reality. How would I live and be taken care of if the people I am dependent upon are responsible for my lack of safety and security? It would be maddening. Because as human beings we learn to adapt and repeated ideas become beliefs I spent a lot of my life taking responsibility for things that were not mine to take. As God guides me on our date to ask about some of these repeated ideas I have cemented in my mind through the lens of my heart, I am transformed. I get to re-evaluate the ideas, see their purpose at the time, thank them, and choose to release them.  My heart is freed and my mind is unburdened.  My eyes will cry and my chest will exhale as I step into a new reality alive with new ideas one day at a time.  This is the process of asking my heart what will enable me to live in the light of God’s love.

Why is it we are often bothered by changes?  Biologically our brains are wired for the least amount of energy needed.  Survival is the prerogative.  A very good quality for which I am immensely thankful.  We do not realize how much energy thinking and being present takes.  When babies are little they sleep so much not because they rolled a lot that day but because their brain is actively working and learning with every little moment of breath.  When we are required to think, not just go on familiar patterns, our brain requires more energy.  This means we are being asked to use more energy and do some work.  Our brain does so much of just going on automatic pilot that there is a sense of it being bothered by having to wake up and be present.  When we take those thoughts into action we become upset. It sounds funny, but when we think about why we get upset at the delay in traffic or the change in weather,  it makes sense.  Are we really upset by them or is it just that our brains cannot engage us in another day of driving to work without knowing how we got there?  We might have to take a different route or contact someone for help.  Perhaps all these moments of upset are not about being upset but about waking up and using some more energy.  God invites us to engage the rest of our system to support the brain.  Our hearts look for ways to connect with others in these moments, our bodies respond by mirroring and taking on the feelings, and our souls awaken to the mystery of it all.  But if we are only in our head about how upsetting all of it is, we can never hear the voices of the rest of our experience.

One of my greatest fears is failing.  I am aware of how universal this fear is and how much it has actually contributed to the experience of failing. Fear of failure led to failing to try.  Failing to take a chance.  Failing to create something new.  Failing to explore.  Failing to question.  Failing to mess things up. Failing to ask for forgiveness.  Failing to let myself be human. My fear of failure led to me creating the very thing I was trying to avoid.  Thankfully I have learned to open myself up to the opportunity that lies on the other side of failure.  With some maturity and open eyes I see my attempt at trying to be perfect and always get it right is the one thing I have failed at most.  Failure does not mean abandonment.  Failure does not mean idiocy. Failure does not mean loneliness.  Failure does not mean hatred.  Failure does not mean no second chances.  On some level of my heart I get that the fact that I am breathing means I cannot fail. I always looked for a prescription that would erase all the darkness and defaulted nature I felt within.  God has shown me that making a mistake is not a failure.  It is an opportunity for further learning.  It is a chance to choose a different direction.  It is an opportunity to learn about myself and others.  Failure as I understood it is actually something that can bring me closer to others.  Who can relate to someone who is perfect?  Who wants to connect to someone who is perfect?  God is less interested in whether or not I misstep or in my eyes fail and more interested in what I do as a result of it.  As I have learned to demystify the fear of failure and embrace a little messiness knowing it is not who I am, I am free to breathe.

Especially at this time of the new year we reflect on where we might like the year to go.  Some set resolutions, others create goals, and some refuse to do any of it in protest.  I vacillate between the two options. A part of me resists because it seems like such an arbitrary distinction. Just because someone thousands of years ago decided that January 1st was the beginning of a new year, I am now supposed to evaluate the trajectory of my life for the next 365 days?  Where is that man in the toga now?  How many resolutions did he stick to?  I certainly know that habits create our lives.  Our habits are formed by actions stemming from our thinking and feeling.  I also believe strongly in the power of reflection and creation.  I just resist being told by every success mogul and magazine that it must be done now for the whole year.  Perhaps because of my experience in recovery, I have a slightly different take.  I bring it down a notch.  I do my best to be in the day I am in.  I start off my day on my date with God and hope the time of reflection and openness is enough to get me on the path where I can be of most use and therefore at peace with myself and others.  There are certainly things I would like to have or experience in my life but I know that they don’t happen with sweeping resolutions and goals.  The habits which build success are formed from the day-to-day actions. Those actions are an outgrowth of my thoughts and feelings.  Choosing to begin this day on my prayer and meditation date with God is the single most powerful choice I can make.  I started it not thinking I would do it for a whole year or even a whole week.  I started because I was willing to do it for the day.  I began with two minutes, it was a quicky!  Little by little and day by day I began to set aside more time until I found myself 15 years later not imagining beginning my day let alone a year any other way.  When the world is screaming at us to set our course for the year, maybe we can dial it back for ourselves.  Instead of asking what are my goals and intentions for this year  we could try out some different options: What am I willing to do with my day today?  What might God have in store for me today?  Am I willing to look for evidence of love today?