dailydatewithgod

Most of my life I felt a lack of safety.  It was not safe on a subdued level at home and it wasn’t safe in my own body.  Even the places and spaces that seemed safe were dependent upon me doing or being the right way.  The idea of freely being myself and safe at the same time was not in my realm of experience except for brief moments here and there.  A steady sense of room to freely grow and make mistakes seemed unfathomable.  I knew in my head that God was steady.  I knew that the right answer was rely on God but I had no idea what that looked like.  Instead I relied on food.  I relied on defensiveness. I relied on being what I thought was expected of me. All of these outside elements were an illusion of steadiness.  The beauty in the breakdown of all those outside resources is being forced to look within the quiet of my heart.  There I am reminded of the steadiness of my heart beat that resounds with the echoes of God’s presence.  It is accessible to me at any point in any place.  It grounds me in the reality of the steadiness of God and thus my freedom.

Years ago I determined that I needed to spend time around people who thought bigger than I did.  I had the acute sense that my thinking had gotten me to a point but it needed to be expanded upon.  Having people around me with broader horizons would nudge me to see past what I was seeing.  I found myself interacting with people and industries I had never considered.  I connected with people who lived by a philosophy of thinking bigger and a commitment on some level to personal and professional growth.  I had no idea what would come next as I turned over this thought to God but doors began to open and I began to see and experience things and ideas I had never encountered.  It is humbling to recognize that I cannot do it on my own. I have been fiercely independent since I can remember.  Simply interacting with others and listening to them is an opportunity to broaden my horizons on a daily basis.  My sense in my heart is that it opens me up to seeing God in more ways than I ever thought possible.

The most useful mode of the mind is the ability to use our thinking to bring us to the present moment.  The irony is that when we are actually in our head thinking, we are not present in the moment.  Our thinking keeps us in the past.  It is very useful but we can get stuck in it and find ourselves looping over and over ideas with no end in sight.  Our thinking shapes our perception and our perception is our reality.  This is why the great spiritual masters speak of an emptying of the mind as the most powerful space to be in.  Then we can be used by God as the channels of love and peace we are designed to be.  I have to start a step or two before that.  For me, turning to God on our date and saying, “Let my thinking lead me to You today.  Direct my thinking so that I may see more love than fear today.  Replace my thinking with Your thinking today.” My hope in speaking these words to God is that I am setting the course of my thinking through the day to stay in alignment with my true purpose of love in the moments I experience as I go through my day.

I still remember the little sign in the dentist’s office waiting room that read, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”  I read it over and over as I sat there waiting.  I am not sure to what degree I understood it at such a young age but it clearly left an impression.  In my relationship with God I have become aware that my perception is what I react to.  Living in awareness means recognizing my perception as limited.  I can only make so much meaning from things because I do not have the whole picture.  I then react to the meaning.  I need God’s perspective to broaden the meaning.  I find that when I asked God to help me see things as God sees things I am more at peace with what I am experiencing.  I don’t always like it but I am better able to accept it.  Acceptance leads to freedom of the heart. I desire the meaning of freedom and peace today.

It is clear to me that God knows who I am.  It is less clear to me who I know myself to be.  Our relationship has been a step by step look at and uncovering of the stories and agreements I have about myself to get down to the truth of who I am.  God has this gentle way of complete acceptance that makes it safe for me to take a look at the crud or in my case ice casings and iron that I have placed on top of my heart.  God’s patient nature has guided me to melt and unlock the stories of  who I think I am or who I thought I was supposed to be and uncover the truth of myself that has been in my heart all along. Our relationship allows me the opportunity to see the innocent light burning deep within me and allows it to resound its boundless energy and emanate with clarity throughout my whole self. When we have our date time in the morning, I am given a chance to connect with this clarity and revisit God’s clear vision of me.  As I go through my day, I engage in the dance of choosing this clarity or stepping back into old patterns.  It is a moment decision and it is not about doing it perfectly.  It is choosing to stay on the dance floor called life.

I do sincerely believe that everyone is doing their best.  At our deepest core our intention is for love.  The way we go about generating that is as varied as there are people.  We all are a product of our experiences and exposures.  As young children we are impressionable in mind and body.  Ideas and agreements are formed long before we have a say in what we are willing to take in versus discard.  Therefore the process of growing up and maturing involves a reevaluation of those ideas and agreements and determining which ones are still true and necessary for us to love.  This is where God calls us to take a closer look at what we have layered on top of our hearts.  God knows nothing of us except the love from which we were created and the innocent light deep within our hearts.  We have come to know each other from the layers on top of heart, the hardening that has accumulated with time.  Being willing to step into reconnecting with the core of who we are and let go of what we have placed on top of it in our misguided attempt to maintain love is the spiritual journey.  God has complete confidence in our ability to do this and it is with this confidence that we boldly take his hand and allow ourselves to be reunited with our hearts.

One of the most powerful prayers I can say is, “God help me to see this differently.” One of the most powerful questions I can ask is, “God, how do you see this  person, situation, idea, or experience?”  Both of them give me the breathing room between my own perceptions about a situation and God’s perception. I have been made painfully aware more than once of how my perception of reality is skewed.  Reality is different for everyone because we define our reality by our perceptions.  Life is not what happens to us, it is about what we make it mean.  Our minds are meaning making machines.  This is a brilliant function of our mind to enable us to assess situations, make decisions and connect with each other.  But like all things it can also hinder us from being open to the presence and the experience of love because it lays outside the parameters of what we think is possible.  Turning to God to seek God’s perception brings us back to the source of all love and widens the lens of our perception of love and thus reality.

Our world is filled with choices. Sometimes it can be daunting when it comes time to choose so instead of evaluating what will most contribute to our wellness and vitality we choose what is right in front of us or what someone else recommends.  There is power in the pause between having a decision to make and making it.  We get to take the time to decide what yes will be for the greater good.  Choosing what is acceptable is not always the right answer for us . When I started on the path of recovery I learned that a response of “let me think about that and I will get back to you” was an answer.  I did not have to respond yes or no on anyone else’s timetable.  I personally need a moment at least to check in with God.  What I might perceive as a yes or a no for the greater good of myself and others is no more than an attempt to seek approval from another person or organization.  I used to say that I was a people pleaser until God helped me to see that what I labeled as such was more of an attempt to be approved of by others. As long as what I did and said met with their approval, I was okay.  I realized I was giving them a God job. Saying yes to life is the gift of choice and my relationship with God has shown me that I want more than anything to say yes to the ideas and activities that draw me closer to God and thus to love.

I realize that when I say, “Life is a trip.” I am usually referring to a situation that has taken some unexpected twists and turns.  The same goes for people for whom that description is used.  Why would they not be? We are all travelers on this road of life.  We plan our vacations and think things are going to go according to the plan, but often they do not. We might be disappointed but eventually we roll with it.  After all we are in a different place and usually for a limited time.  Some of us travel just to have those experiences of letting go and letting things happen as they do.  When we travel we see the experience of going with the flow as a natural part of the dynamic.  We chalk it up to the inevitable and accept it. It’s only for a short time and we will return to normal life soon enough.  But why do we expect our normal life to be any different? Life is one long travel path.  We are not here permanently.  In normal life, when things don’t go according to plan we fight it.  We tell ourselves this is not supposed to happen or that things should have gone the way we expected.  What if this trip is just a longer one than the one we planned to some unknown destination?  How much do we know about our normal lives really? What if there are still things to explore in this normal life?  What if the twists and turns that pop up are what are the things that make the trip memorable and worthwhile?  If we approached our everyday life as a trip we are meant to travel, might we find some gems that God has hidden in our normal life?