dailydatewithgod

We like to think that if we know something for certain we will be okay.  It presents an element of safety we believe we need to function well.  What gets us stuck is when we seek certainty in something outside ourselves.  The only certainty is change. The more we hold expectations of precisely how things or people need to be for us to have a sense of certainty the more we set ourselves up for disappointment.  Connecting to the truth of who we are is an unchanging factor that gives us the strongest sense of certainty.  It reminds us that no matter what happens, even if we change and grow in the process we will always be able to pause and connect within.  In the space of our core, we can take whatever uncertain reality is taking place outside ourselves and determine who we are in the midst of it.  It is not faulty of us to think an outside level of certainty will make us okay, it is simply what the world tells us is true.  What we do not realize until we are faced with all the uncertainty that exists, is the world tells us that because it is trying to convince itself of the same thing.  God invites us to connect to the ever-flowing life force within us which guides us on this river of life through whatever uncertainty to the place of certain love always abiding in our hearts.

It is easy to get caught up in doing or being a certain way without any connection to its origins. So much of our behavior and thinking is symptomatic of our upbringing, our environment, and our current surroundings.  You add in the fact that so much of what we actually do is part of a default mode we do not consciously choose and is it any wonder that we end up in life we are often confused by or feel disconnected?  The beauty in all of this is the moment we recognize our disconnected from our hub.  At first realization, it may seem devastating or defeating, but there cannot be a breakthrough without a breakdown.  We look around the world and we see it happening on a global level. So many of the structures and ideas we have relied upon and not questioned are falling apart.  People are beginning to question the status quo.  It can be scary.  It can incite the need to go within and create more control in our own lives.  Our inclination to go within is leading us to freedom but only if we use the propulsion to go within as an opportunity to explore the hub of the truth of who we are in our hearts and not just to hunker down in the dark. What happens outside of ourselves presents an invitation to get to know our insides.  We can make it about the outside, but nothing changes.  It is not until we explore the hub of who we are and get to know it with all its quirks and fascinating and sometimes ugly twists and turns can we know how to handle the outside.  Tending to our hub and reconnecting with the truth of who we are changes the lens through which we see the outside world.  It wasn’t until I faced the hidden and feared parts of myself that I was able to get past it to reach the hub of truth residing in my heart.  Even after concerted effort for 17 plus years of reconnection something outside of me can wake me up to how I have managed to get disconnected again. God has taught me on our daily dates to pause, breathe, and just notice what is happening.  I do not need to apply a filter of judgment, God isn’t.  Instead, I get to acknowledge what happened, notice how it draws me closer to the hub which contains a previously unknown understanding about the nature of love in me, and look again with new eyes as I make any necessary reparations.

Power sometimes seems like an abstract and nebulous concept. Who has it?  Who doesn’t? Does anyone know how they or it got it?  Many of the power structures within which we operate were not ones we had a say in establishing.  There is also the idea that power is a black or white element.  We either have it or we don’t.  Little lip service is given to the layers of discretion that exist within whatever we deem as having power. If we are truly honest with ourselves we give away our power with great ease instead of using the discretion at our disposal.  Discretion requires personal responsibility. Discretion is about choosing the degree to which we assign power to others or institutions and which part of it we keep for ourselves.  The acknowledgment of having discretion is on one level a form of power.  I am face to face with this each time I find myself saying I have to do something.  The truth is aside from dying, there are always options.  I may not like the options I have but I still have the discretion to choose one.  I may want to blame the person, idea, or institution I see as having the power, but then I am limiting my discretion to blame.  I am the one giving the power to something outside myself.  If I am willing to adjust my lens slightly to pay attention to where I can implement any and all the discretion I have at my fingertips, I will see the level of power I do have.  I think often of what Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” The truth is no one can make us feel anything without our consent. It is always within our discretion how we feel no matter what power we perceive to be outside ourselves.  It is simply a question of recognition, connection, and willingness to exercise our discretion.

We hold our conceptions of ourselves, others, and all of life in our minds.  We make decisions based on our conceptions.  The limitation that occurs is there is so much we do not know.  There are the things we know and the things we don’t’ know.  There are also things we do not know that we do not know.  How’s that for a tongue twister?  The way we discover what we do not know that we do not know is through relationships.  In living life, we engage in experiences with ourselves and others which shed light on qualities about ourselves.  In essence, one could argue that all of life is about discovering who we are.  We can get stuck in thinking the qualities we have discovered are about or attached to the experience or the person with whom we are interacting but that is not the case. We are the ones who are forming new conceptions.  What we bring to any moment in life is a part of ourselves.  Without realizing it we have a desire to connect to more qualities that make up the whole of who we are.  It makes life one big process of exploration.  We have little idea of what we are capable of given our known qualities.  It isn’t until we are experimenting in this thing called life that we come across qualities of ourselves we did not know we have.  We learn how to use or how not to use them and our conception of ourselves and life grows.  Our heart with its encoded courage longs to show us more of our grand design if we are willing to admit we do not know what we do not know about ourselves. Humility is our guide to discovering the qualities known in our hearts that our minds are dying to know.

We seem to play this dance between light and dark. Perhaps because we literally exist in either light or dark depending on the time of day.   There is a mystery attached to the darkness that there is not in the light.  We suppose our ability to see because of light means we are aware of what we are seeing. Yet, with every light, there is a shadow.  There are also varying shades of light and dark in which we exist. All of these elements show us that what we think we might know we may not know.  Our sight is a powerful sense.  Yet, how is it that those who do not see are better able to pick up on shades than those who can see?  The shade is seen as comfort from the blazing sun or a step into the darkness depending on what situation we are in.  The point is that every shade is valuable.  As children, we paint the world in black and white.  Things are one way or another.  It is an attempt to build a contrast so we have some sense of what works and what doesn’t, what is acceptable and what is not.  Maturity requires us to engage with the different shades of life.  God invites us to get to know the shades of ourselves.  Sometimes our shades pop up out of the darkness without our consent.  Other times we seek out shade within ourselves to get a break from intense light.  The more we are willing to become familiar with our shades, the more we can show up however we are with acceptance.  We cannot be all or nothing.  To think so deprives us of the myriad of possibilities in the universe.  In my experience when I connect to the shades of grey or for that matter shades of any color with my heart, I can see all of life and those around me with the eyes of recognition.  Each time I get snagged by someone or something not being what I think it should be or present itself as I can fall back into the heart space where there is room for shades of less than or more than is acceptable.  Stepping into acceptance of shade leads me to more peace than holding up my black and white ideal of what it, you, or I should be in this moment.

One of the coolest sounds that catch us by surprise is an echo.  I remember the first time I noticed it standing in an empty church or being in a canyon.  It is kind of funny to hear ourselves coming back at ourselves.  We tend to think of echoes as only sounds.  An echo is a reflection of sound energy but it is part of a larger experience of reverberation. Almost literally our energetic vibes replaying. If we think about how much energy we are emitting at any given moment the reality is we creating an echo of more than just sound.  What is it we want to come back to us about us?  What kind of energetic footprint do we want to send out before us?  What kind do we want to receive from others? When we are connected to the truth of who we are we recognize the echo because we know it is us.  When we see people imitate us we get a glimpse of how what we are sending out in our echo is what we want.  Sometimes it is concrete and specific to a circumstance.  Yet most of it is happening on a level that requires a deeper connection to what is going on within us. If we want the echo of our sound and other kinds of energy to come back to us as a reflection of the truth of who we are, we need to first connect to it ourselves.  Taking the time to pause and check-in is what God has taught me on our daily dates of prayer and meditation.  Creating a space in my life where it is acceptable to say what is, remind myself of who I truly am, and with curiosity explore the elements of myself I do not or perhaps do not want to know.  God is ready to hold the space where we can get to know ourselves whenever we are.  God knows our true echo is love but we need time to get to know it about ourselves.  Taking the time is what will cultivate an echo we look forward to hearing.

I have never surfed but there is something lifelike about it.  We start our day and we look out at how the waves are coming and going and we choose which ones to ride.  Often without knowing it, we encounter elements of it throwing us off course.  Then we have options.  We can ride it, we can abandon it or we can fight it. At least we can attempt each of those. We like to think we want smooth sailing but we know somewhere deep inside of us resonates with the undulations of life.  There is a certain rhythmic familiarity to the undulation.  Our hearts create wavelike energy flowing through and extending energetically from our bodies.  While there is hopefully a steady beat, we all know how much we stop and notice when something peaks or stops our hearts.  There is a skip in the energy or something causes us to catch our breath. The curves and elevations of our heart’s rhythm like the undulations of life’s surprises remind us we are alive.  They engage us to connect with the power and courage of our hearts to face our lives without just smoothly making it through.  It is the undulations of life that open our eyes to what we are capable of.  Our minds might tell us it is better to avoid certain waves because we don’t know where they will lead. Our hearts are ready to ride them and show us how much the undulation will awaken us to the truth of who we are.

We tend to accumulate armor as we go through life.  It is understandable.  Life is not easy.  We experience trials and tribulations.  We open ourselves up and we get hurt.  We feel all alone and tend to think we are the only ones who are faced with the kind of loss and grief that can come from being alive.  One of the gifts of recovery is the community of people one is surrounded by.  Who knew a random hodgepodge of people would provide the safe space I needed to let down my guard?  The difficulty with living with one’s guards up is how exhausting it becomes.  We all need a place or people with whom we can allow ourselves to breathe and to be. Some of us find it in our families, others find it in religious communities and still others in a group of recovering addicts.  Wherever we find the backing we need to stand tall and face ourselves through our challenges does not matter.  The point is to find it. When we have the backing of others who can see us with the eyes of their hearts, we can stand tall enough to allow breath into our own hearts.  The backing provides the posture and the groundedness to get reconnected with the truth of who we are.  We know this because we find ourselves standing taller when we let go of doubt, when we can release the burdens we are carrying in our backs or in our hearts, and when we receive the message through others or experiences that we are not the burdens we carry.  God works through all these elements of backing so we can get reconnected and aligned with the energy of our own hearts which carries all the backing we need.  Reconnecting and strengthening this inner backing allows us to move forward with our heads up and hearts open.

There is something enticing and titillating when the wind whispers across your face.  It is almost like being kissed by an angel. There are ways I have woken up to during my daily dates with God that show me how life caresses us. There is the literal touch like the angel kiss I described but there are also heart and mind experiences that give that some feeling.  You know it in the moments when an idea clicks or you are inspired to create something.  You know it when you feel a sense of warmth in your heart when you witness a loving exchange between others.  I even feel it in my tears as they stream down my face when I am wrestling through yet another layer of dealing with the effects of being an incest survivor.  A caress gives us an indication of connecting with something in us that speaks of hope.  It tells us we are not alone and sometimes it comes in a physical form from someone else, but that is only one way.  God has designed multiple kinds of caresses to show us we are cared for if we have the eyes to see it and the presence to receive it.

It is believed we all walk around with masks.  We have these various veneers which overlay who we really are.  We experience proof of our trustworthiness when someone is willing to remove the veneer and show us who they truly are. Correspondingly we indicate to someone how much we trust them when we remove our veneer or at least allow them to peer behind the curtain. Sometimes we do not realize how much we have allowed someone into our hearts until we find ourselves not keeping up our veneer unintentionally.  Sometimes situations open us up in such a way that to go back behind the veneer would not make sense.  When we let go of the veneer we are able to breathe and be who we are. Given how many roles and responsibilities we have, multiple expectations both of others and ourselves, and a desire to simply survive we go about wearing different veneers.  Over time we start to think who we are is the veneer and lose touch with ourselves.  We struggle to trust ourselves and our own heart enough to even just be with ourselves. Some of this is adaptive evolutionary behavior and some of it is familiarity.  We can build a whole person from a veneer but the moment we come across a circumstance in life that puts wholes and cracks in the veneer we fear we are going to fall apart. And we all will have those circumstances at some points in our lives. God invites us to take the moments of cracks and wholes to peer behind the curtain of ourselves.  God encourages us to open our hearts and see with the eyes of love encased in the courage of our hearts as to what is present behind or beneath the veneer.  We can begin by being curious instead of afraid.  It is not necessary to shed all of our veneers at once or even abandon them altogether.  God invites us to dance with them and our hearts and see how we can make room for a little more of our courageous self to live on the surface of our being.