dailydatewithgod

It is no secret what our minds are primed for because there is a voice that is constantly chattering away at us.  It is often a voice of fear about what might go wrong, about what is currently not what it is supposed to be or about how it is not going to change.  Our minds seem to be primed for potential danger.  Although we would not word it as danger from an evolutionary standpoint, danger is exactly what we are how we are primed.  Avoiding danger equals survival so this is a good thing. Our minds are not a lost cause because of how we are primed.  Neuroscientists have discovered that we can change our priming.  It takes effort which requires energy and attention but it can be done.  One element of my daily date with God has been the retraining of my mind to be primed for gratitude.  I was having a discussion with a good friend this morning about the power of gratitude and how it shifts the mind.  Each time we take a breath, we can be grateful we are breathing. There is a never-ending list of things to be grateful for at any moment.  I am grateful to know how to type which gives me the means to express myself in writing on an electronic device.  I am grateful to have fingers that can feel the keys.  It is easy to go with the default priming of negative expectations or worry.  When we remember that with each breath we awaken and invite our hearts into the conversation with the mind our perspective can be primed to find something in which to be grateful.  During a dark and frustrating moment or days, it can be the last thing we want to be primed to do.  Honestly, it can be irritating or unwisely used as some sort of spiritual bypass through feelings. However, after years of making gratitude an active practice I can tell you that the periods of negativity are shorter and less impactful because it literally hurts my brain to stay in that space.

In the moments which catch us by surprise, we feel it in our body as well as our attention. There is a surge of energy indicating, beyond our seeing that something is happening. Something has interrupted our normal breath pattern.  Something has caused us to stop what we are doing and turn our focus towards something else.  The feeling of the surge can be overwhelming as it jerks us awake and to attention. On one level there is a positive experience of being alive which might explain why people love surprises.  Depending on the context, however, it may seem negative because of the origin of the surprise.  When you factor in one’s previous experience with surprises another layer is added to how we feel about the surge happening within us.  The surge of energy in our hearts is something our minds will seek to explain and categorize. What if we could allow the surges to be just an experience in our hearts without the explanation?  What if we allowed ourselves to be brought to attention and feel alive in our body as a recognition of being alive?  What if we could connect to the surges and redirect them to where we want our focus to be?  We all know what it is like to experience surges in our body but how attuned could we become if we intended to pay attention to how those surges are experienced in our hearts.  It may sound ridiculous but we get an opportunity to do so each time we take a breath.  We are conditioned to think surges only occur when we are surprised, but they are happening each time we take a deep breath.  Our hearts physically and possibly on other levels experience surges with each influx of new oxygen.  Most of us have grown so unconscious of our breathing we do not notice how it surges the energy in our hearts until we are surprised.

Life is not a walk in the park.  We are faced with problems and challenges which require us to wake up and face the gap that exists between what we expect and what is happening. I have found more difficulty when I go into a situation or relate to a person based on what I already know versus being open to what might happen.  Biologically this is inherent to avoid danger and keep us alive.  However, in the world we live in today there is little reason to fear death from an encounter with others.  The way my life has expressed itself I have learned that where there is wounding there is the possibility of healing.  I know sometimes we feel broken and torn apart by life.  We have moments when we can’t imagine there is anything that would relieve the pain.  On my daily dates with God, I have found a balm that opens me up to connecting an option other than pain.  The daily ritual of prayer and meditation allows me to reconnect with my heart.  Within my heart exists the balms needed to heal the wounds I might be certain have no cure. By pausing and breathing, my mind becomes open to seeing many different balms I never imagined would function as a balm.  The ones that blow me away are the ones when a similar experience as an adult provides the balm needed for the injury that occurred as a child.  I couldn’t script those if I tried and they sound like a bad idea to my mind.  Other times the balm is the exact opposite experience.  The only conclusion I can come to is if I stay connected to my heart it will lead me to whatever balms are needed to restore the alignment of the truth of who I am at my core.  Our hearts contain the courage to go down the strange and seemingly contradictory path.  Our hearts open our eyes to the contradictions of our minds which might be standing in the way of the very balms we need to remember we are whole.

I am fascinated by characters who tell it like it is.  They speak their truth because it is clear to them it is time to say something.  Depending on the kind of film it is it can either end up being inspiring or the character’s one moment that stands out from the rest. Either way, I recognize gumption.  I am told that as a child I had a lot of gumption.  Although knowing there was so much I was not saying as a kid I think maybe what happened is I used the energy where it was safe to do so.  I knew enough not to have so much gumption as to get myself into trouble but enough to amuse others. Today I look at the capacity to speak up and do what needs to be done despite what is expected differently.  In my life today I use the gumption that comes from my heart in a way that allows me to convey what needs to be said or do what needs to be done because it is within me.  It is not about how others might react.  Sure, sometimes I wish I could be like Julia Sugarbaker from Designing Women and go off on people so much that they are at a loss as to what to say, but it is not my heart’s style.  My heart moves more along the lines of steady gumption that creates an action which makes room for love to become the driving force.  It is the difference between gumption driven by ego versus gumption driven by the courage of heart.  I think we all need to experience and experiment with both and determine for ourselves what is the right balance.  I am still on the search for the true purpose of my gumption.

There is a flow of life of which we are both a part of and mixed into.  When we find a way to stay in alignment with this flow there is a certain rhythmic quality to life.  The undulating nature of how it moves resonates within us because it mirrors the physical movements of our hearts.  It is our hearts letting us know energetically when we have stepped outside of our undulating nature.  When we find ourselves stuck emotionally or mentally, it can help us to look for ways to reconnect with undulating. Children know it instinctively as they will allow their bodies to oscillate when they pause to figure out what to do next.  We might give kids a hard time for being so squiggly and not being able to be still, but maybe they are on to something we have become too adult to do.  Perhaps they are more in touch with the intrinsic nature of their hearts than we are.  Even the fact of the rotation of the planets has a flow should speak to the fundamental aspect of undulating.   It is why we love the ocean. Being in the presence of the rise and fall of the waves makes sense and brings us a sense of peace. It reminds us of how our hearts are operating without our awareness and how the heart of our mother operated when we were in the womb.  My daily dates with God are often accompanied by a little swing in the rocking recliner of my prayer space.  It is childlike but it also connects to an inner sense of what it means to be undulating with life. Any time we use our physical presence to remind us to consciously initiate the rise and fall of our breath, we are connecting to the undulating nature inherent within us.  From there, the ripple effects of our energy set their course.

We think of investments in terms of how we allocate our money, but we make investments in all areas of our lives.  Noticing which investments are affecting the growth and openness of my heart is something I have learned on my daily dates with God.  Paying attention to my investments of time, attention, and energy is vital to know the status of my heart.  The degree to which I invest in people or situations which take away from the openness of my heart translates into the access and willingness to grow in love. I can get stuck in expectations and ideas that I am sure are true despite the evidence.  By the time I am aware of my heart shutting down or wanting to close off, I have most likely already invested in something that does not serve my greatest good. We are all doing our best and with so many choices when it comes to the investments in our lives, it is easy to get lost on the path of life.  Yet wherever we are on the path, as long as we are still in the game, the opportunity to reassess our investments is available to us.  Developing an awareness that what the world defines as a fruitful investment of my time, attention, and energy may be different from what my heart is telling me helps.  When I am not sure if the investments I am making are the ones which will contribute to my growth but I am drawn to because it will make someone else happy, I can pause and check-in.  I take a breath, which ignites my heart and I turn to God, “Is this where my focus is best invested?” “Am I investing in someone else’s heart at the expense of mine?” It is not about getting it right all the time, it is about growing on the path and paying attention to where our investments are leading us.

We get used to moving at such a fast pace we sometimes forget we have an option.  At any time we can pause. In case we forget, our body reminds us of this option each time we take a breath.  Hesitating is sometimes seen as a weakness but is it really?  According to whom?  To the person who moves a thousand miles a minute?  To the person who is in a rush?  To the person who does not know how to set boundaries for themselves?  We can choose to go within and check with ourselves before responding to an experience or a person.  Just because we are being asked to provide input or say what we think, does not mean it must be on the other person’s timeline.  If we are reluctant to give ourselves permission to hesitate, we could blame it on another person or the circumstance, but would that be the truth?  Maybe we do not practice hesitating because we do not want to hold others up. Perhaps our need to be validated by another’s response to our participation in a way they would like is what we are choosing instead of hesitating to make sure it a true response for us.  Maybe we do not want to face what we perceive others will feel about our hesitating.  When we choose not to hesitate because of someone or something outside of ourselves, we are giving away our power.  In recovery, I learned the power of saying “I’ll get back to you on what I think or feel about ___________.”  I choose on my best days to presume when something is being asked of me whether it is my thoughts or my behavior, the requester genuinely wants the response to be from me, not from what I think is wanted by someone else. I know from experience when I take the time to check in with my heart I am better apt to provide clear communication with my words and actions which mirror what is authentic for me in the moment.  Seeing the practice of hesitating as an empowering one means using the eyes of my heart along with the eyes of my mind.

Much of the difficulty we experience in our lives comes not from outside of us but from our inner experience.  After all, what we perceive as happening outside of us is our perspective on it. This is how two people can experience the same thing and walk away with two totally different stories about what happened and what it meant.  Life is more than what happens, it is what we make it mean.  The meaning comes from our interpretation.  Our interpretation depends upon how we are feeling in the moment about ourselves.  As a way of coping with experiences as a child, I developed a very strong inner critic.  It served a great purpose.  It kept me out of trouble with authority figures, it focused me in terms of how to keep in line with the rules of society, and it provided a sense of safety.  Now, I am grateful for this critical side of myself.  The downside is it has outworn its purpose.  It did not allow me any room to just be human and make mistakes.  Sure, I made mistakes but the critical voice was there immediately letting me know how much I messed up.  It would be relentless in giving me a hard time to prevent such a thing happening again.  From this same perspective, I determined this part inside myself is not my ally.  It pretends to be my ally but the moment I step out of line, it is there to let me know what a complete fuck-up I am.  It is harsh and very black and white.  It tainted my view of myself and everything I lied eyes upon. On my daily dates with God, I was invited to take a closer look at this critical perspective.  While it might seem to be the best choice to tell it to go away, I realized I had a relationship with this part of myself.  It was not about excising it from my being but getting to know what was behind the facade.  Time on my dates allowed me the opportunity to question what was driving this part of me. Usually, it boils down to an attempt to keep me safe from harm.  This is a beautiful thing.  But it was not until I was willing to make it an ally instead of the enemy it presented itself to be, that I could even engage with it.  If I remember to pause after hearing a comment from the critical part of myself, I have a moment to distance myself from what is being said.  I can turn the statement into an opportunity to engage and make an ally out of an enemy. I can acknowledge that part of me for doing a stellar job of taking care of my safety growing up.  Its past works need to be acknowledged.  From there, I can open it up to seeing things from God’s perspective.  What might a kinder way of keeping me safe sound like?  What would make you willing to test some things out and see what happens?  What is it we need to be protected from in this moment?  These are all questions that open up to the development of creating an ally from a foe.  I do not know if any of you deal with a critical part of yourself, but after so many years of making myself wrong for making myself wrong, God showed me a way to create an ally.

In project management, the design is to plan with the end in mind.  Then one backs up from the deadline to configure the milestones that need to be reached and what needs to happen to get to them and so on with the process so completion occurs.  We can’t plan our lives like a project as we do not know where we will always be going. There are some areas of our lives functioning this way, but not all.  However, we all have an expiration.  It is no secret that we are all going to take our last breath, our last expiration right after our last inhalation.  The topic of death, especially ones’ own death, often makes people uncomfortable.  I am not sure if we think if we do not keep it present in mind we will somehow stave it off or we just think it is sad to be aware of the expiration of our lives.  As someone who by all accounts was kind of like the walking dead for a long time with moments of wishing I would just expire I am not sure that it ever scared me.  The uncertainty around the circumstances causes me discomfort as much as uncertainty does in general.  As a person living in recovery and coming back from an experience where I was barely holding on or valuing the quality of my own life, I have a fresher perspective on expiration.  It sharpens the sight with which I view the present and all the inspirations I remember to pay attention to.  I am aware of how our hearts prompt us through inspiration to expiration.  On some level, I believe when we agreed to enter into this life and take the first inspiration we also agreed to our expiration.  Given the way all of life flows, it is clear we do not hold on to anything.  It is a series of inspirations and expirations.  In the elemental sense, the expiration is just as pivotal as the inspiration.  If we do not take the expiration, we will not be available for the next inspiration.  So while death is apparently the final expiration, maybe it is the step before the next inspiration.

We typically think of richness in terms of money.  We see our value by the amount in our bank account, our salary, or stock portfolio.  Don’t get me wrong.  I do not think there is anything wrong with money, I am grateful for it as it allows me at the very least access to more choices and opportunities. Yet there are so many plush areas of our lives that have nothing to do with money.  There is a richness to being alive.  It is plush to feel comfortable in my own skin and know who I am.  It is a plush element of my life to have people I can trust and be accepted by and feel a sense of belonging.  The number of breaths I get are plush.  It is a plush experience to live in Southern California where I can see and feel a sun so many days out of the year.  Apparently, the value of a new transmission is plusher than I realize so I get to be grateful for the plush value of a good mechanic I trust and increased value of my car when it is fixed.  Often money separates people into different groups and causes them to have different perspectives.  The plush values of my heart bring me closer to myself and others.  If I remember to focus on the plush nature of all areas of my life I am not subject to the fluctuation of numbers in my bank account or what my salary is.  My heart reminds me to see all the plush present in all areas of my life.  It is easy to overlook the plush gauge of my heart but the moment I take a breath, I am reminded of the connection within my body allowing me the opportunity to reflect on the plush nature of my life.