dailydatewithgod

We use the word mind most of the time to refer to the thing we see as sitting in our brain or the concept of intellect.  Either way, it has a particular locality.  Then you hear someone ask: Do you mind if ______?  I find myself wanting to say: Only when I think about it. Although I know a proper answer would be to say, I can do that or I am okay with that or I am willing to do that.  Somewhere along the way in the wacky way that language works, asking if someone minds is a way of getting their permission or their agreement. The agreement has to come from the mind and from the heart.  How many things do we only allow from our minds’ perspective without getting the buy-in from our hearts?  If we are speaking to what we are capable of doing perhaps we just need the minding to be about the mere ability.  There are many things we are capable of doing and can permit doing but is the question really about that?  Chances are we are able but do we have the will to do it or go along with it involved the heart. In addition to the will which is needed for willingness, there is the matter of attention, intent, and value which are heart inputs. Maybe we need to start asking ourselves if we heart something as well as mind it.  We like to think we are more logically minded than we are. Most decisions we make are impacted by our emotions which sit in our bodies and our hearts.  These emotions are funneled through the brain so there is involvement of mind but clearly the question needs to be updated to include the mind of our hearts.  When someone asks, do you mind if ____________?  They are asking for more than our logical response to the question.

Life strikes me as a process of undoing and unknowing as much as one of learning and embracing new understandings. We are not aware as we grow up how much has already been infused in our sense of who we are and what we believe.  We simply take it for granted.  We see ourselves as who we are.  There may be some recognition of familiarity with those we have spent most of our time versus those who are new to us, but there is not necessarily a recognition of what that means.  A belief is a repeated thought. Whether it is something we were told growing up or a circumstance that caused us to create a particular perspective, we are infused with beliefs.  The infusion is where we derive our sense of self.  But this sense of self is largely based on circumstances.  The circumstances of which family and culture we were born into, what kind of early interactions we had with others, and what those in authority told us we were.  The infused information that we have taken on as our definition of self comes from outside of us.  This does not mean we need to abandon it completely.  It means we are given the opportunity as we mature to look at what has been infused and determine in our hearts if it is still true.  Maybe the circumstance no longer exists.  Maybe the people who taught us had no other options.  Maybe it was only meant to take us so far.  We know which infused beliefs need to be brought to question into the truth of who we are at heart because they are the ones we keeping batting our heads against.  The infused beliefs that somehow are no longer working.  Honestly, it is only when my infused ideas (like: I am doing it wrong, or it is not enough, or it is my fault, I am only as smart as school says I am, or the best way to keep the peace is doing what is expected that) began to break down, that I was willing to see what was true within me as well as outside of me.  It is a life long process which God has taught me on our dates to handle with gentleness and compassion both for myself and those who played a role in infusing them.  When I focus on how many beliefs or simple ideas could potentially start breaking down I get overwhelmed.  God assures me that I do not need to search them out.  The more I connect with my own heart and discover the truth of who I am some will just fall away.  Some I will want to hold on to and will fight letting go of. All infused ideas and beliefs have served a purpose which has brought me to where I am today.  All can be held in gratitude whether or not it is meant for them to stay or go.

Unlike the cars, we drive we have many options when it comes to how we fuel our bodies, minds, heart, and souls.  It is hard to imagine how one thing would be able to provide the necessary fuel to operate in all the ways we are called upon to show up.  Yet, we have all had times when we seem to be fueled on all levels to such a degree that we were not preoccupied with other thoughts, we showed up with an open heart, we felt strong in our bodies, and we were not thinking about when it was time to eat.  If we look closer at what might have caused such an experience of being fueled to occur it seems unimaginable that we could actually find it again.  It seems to occur as though something is moving through us and it is not entirely of our doing.  But what may have we been doing up until that point to make ourselves ready to receive the kind of fuel that would move us into a space of wholeness?  It is not about perfection or getting everything right.  It is about having awareness as we go through our lives as to what fuels us well and what depletes us in all these areas.  We like to think there is one size fits all, but that does not seem to be the reality.  We try often to do what others are doing but do we really check in with ourselves to see if it works for us or do we just go with it until it breaks down completely and shows itself to not be for us?  Either way, we learn which is what it is all about.  God did not put us in our lives to be who we are because we would know right away the best way to fuel our being.  It is a process of learning and growing.  It is a process of paying attention and listening to the cues we hear and feel.

When we are in a space of overwhelm we lack clarity.  We are not sure where to go or what to do because there is too much to think about or we feel pressure to be right.  If we look at the areas of our lives in which this happens most they usually correlate with the areas of which we are most vague.  Vagueness stems from fear.  We push back from clarity because it may mean getting it wrong.  We decline to take a look at what is really going wrong for fear that what we are fearing is true.  If this is an overarching theme in our lives it may be because we live in the vagueness of ourselves.  Many of us reach moments in life when we are doing what we are doing and saying what we are saying simply because it is what we have always done.  Maybe we thought it is what was expected of us.  That is not clarity. That is motor skills.  It was not until I was broken down enough and willing to look at the vague areas of my life that I found the clarity I was seeking.  Perhaps it is the gift of the brokenness of addiction but when I found myself at the feet of God with my heart open the vagueness began to clear.  I accepted God’s invitation to look into the heart I thought was full of darkness and too fragile to be looked at.  God goes with me each day on our dates to this day with the light of love as we see another nook of vagueness. With God, I do not need to let the fear stop me from going into the vagueness.

It is a simple concept we are taught from a very young age.  It stands in contrast to the individualism which is preached by our culture but sharing is something within us we cannot avoid.  We think of sharing in the context of things but rarely do we acknowledge the sharing of our hearts as part of the equation.  We mirror each other in conversation to share a connection.  We give love and kindness as a way of sharing.  We actually share who we are being at all moments of the day including when we are in moments that are angry and frustrated.  Receiving is the other end of sharing.  Not all of what we share is meant to be received by others.  Sometimes sharing is about living our truth and embodying the message of who we are because it is who we are regardless of who or what receives it.  It is said we have a sharing economy.  We share car rides, we share ideas, we share pictures of our lives.  We even overshare.  How aware are we of what we are sharing from our hearts versus the idea of who we want others to think we are?  What would our sharing look like if it mirrored the truth of who we are at our core versus what we think others want shared with them?

One of the primary focuses when it comes to relationships of any kind with others is communication. It seems to be where most things break down in a relationship.  The challenge is found in the various kinds of communication which are available to us.  Yes, we communicate with words and given there are multiple accepted meanings to words plus we each have our own understanding of words, it is a set up for confusion.  Then there is the physical communication of what we do with our body and the tone of our voice when we communicate with others.  Then you add in the energetic component and is it any real surprise how conflict occurs when communication is involved?  Some people find it so frustrating they opt out as much as possible which creates another challenge. According to several communication experts there are levels of communication. The main ones are words, tone, and body language. We default to the words which as already indicated because of various meaning options are not as straightforward as it sounds.  Then you throw in the context which changes the accepted meaning and challenges ensue.  What we have learned, however, is the actual words rank lower on the scale of what is actually imparted. This seems to stem from the fact that we are not even certain how long humans have been using language.  Before that were grunts accompanied by a tone and body language.  Without realizing it we are inclined to pick up on the tone and body language quicker than the actual words. Has anyone else noticed how our present-day inclination to use texting and email as a main form of communication leaves out those two factors?  Then add to it how much we fill in the actual words in any kind of conversation that we do not understand and don’t quite hear clearly and one sees where the opportunities are ripe for conflict. How can we make sure we are imparting what we want to convey in our communication what we actually intend to impart?  Having an awareness of all these layers of communication presents us with the chance to look at how much we are in alignment with ourselves.  Do we say what we really mean?  Have we checked in with ourselves to make sure we are imparting what our intention is?  If we find ourselves saying things we don’t mean, we are not fooling anyone.  They can tell by our body language and tone of voice.  Making sure we are imparting what is true for us requires us to be in touch with our own truth.  It is an invitation to pause and get connected to ourselves before attempting to impart anything to anyone else.  Anytime we find we are struggling in our communication with others, it may be time to take a look at what is happening within us first. We are not responsible for how others respond to what we are imparting, but we are responsible for what we decide to impart.

We know our minds create distinctions.  It is helpful for us to categorize things to make sense of them.  If we had no way of filtering information and learning we would go nuts from the sheer amount we are exposed to.  We are aware of the more vivid experiences because they are often at the forefront of our minds. We can draw from the striking elements of our lives precisely because they struck something inside of us.  This is where the role of the heart can be overlooked.  The reason our minds and even our bodies take something in as a vivid experience or moment is because of our heart’s connection to its energy.  We are moved by the intensity of emotion.  We feel the strength and power of a person’s actions because it exists within our own hearts.  Feelings which are the language of the heart both physical and energetic create the vividness we are experiencing.  It is only through the vivid nature of something that causes it to surpass simply a fleeting thought or idea.  The vividness is what happens when something goes from an idea to a lived experience.  The vividness is what we use to describe the experience to someone else.  The vividness gives us the wherewithal to explain the meaning and what made it so vivid for us.  As much as sometimes we think we would want to not have feelings connected to what we are thinking or doing, if we are honest we realize life would lose its liveliness.   It is the very vivid nature of our reality which makes it more than just a story in a book.  We can appreciate the vividness of even difficult circumstances when we take away the judgment and just allow them to be circumstances fully felt.

Without realizing it when we close ourselves off to ideas we do not agree with we create a fortress.  Our inclination to fall prey to various biases such as confirmation bias forms part of the fortress.   We glom onto ideas that match what we already know. It has obviously served some sort of survival purpose but when it erects a fortress of protection around our idea of who we are it is working against us.  There is nothing wrong with knowing who we are and how we think, that is important.  However, despite our initial reaction of creating a fortress to protect ourselves it ends up protecting us from things we may want to be open to receiving.  Knowing we can let down our guard to consider the information, gives us a way of flexing around the confirmation bias. The fortress around our ego can be very strong at times so it may feel uncomfortable to loosen the walls.  By softening the fortress walls around our mind’s idea of self, we allow some breathing room for our hearts to provide some perspective.  Choosing to loosen the strength of the fortress provides the opportunity to practice opening communication lines between our heads and our hearts.  The practice then becomes the portal of opportunity for our hearts and mind to work in conjunction.  Our hearts will always be the fortress for the truth of who we are.  Sometimes unknowingly we make choices from our heads about what will impact who we are without knowing who we really are at our core.

It is no secret what our minds are primed for because there is a voice that is constantly chattering away at us.  It is often a voice of fear about what might go wrong, about what is currently not what it is supposed to be or about how it is not going to change.  Our minds seem to be primed for potential danger.  Although we would not word it as danger from an evolutionary standpoint, danger is exactly what we are how we are primed.  Avoiding danger equals survival so this is a good thing. Our minds are not a lost cause because of how we are primed.  Neuroscientists have discovered that we can change our priming.  It takes effort which requires energy and attention but it can be done.  One element of my daily date with God has been the retraining of my mind to be primed for gratitude.  I was having a discussion with a good friend this morning about the power of gratitude and how it shifts the mind.  Each time we take a breath, we can be grateful we are breathing. There is a never-ending list of things to be grateful for at any moment.  I am grateful to know how to type which gives me the means to express myself in writing on an electronic device.  I am grateful to have fingers that can feel the keys.  It is easy to go with the default priming of negative expectations or worry.  When we remember that with each breath we awaken and invite our hearts into the conversation with the mind our perspective can be primed to find something in which to be grateful.  During a dark and frustrating moment or days, it can be the last thing we want to be primed to do.  Honestly, it can be irritating or unwisely used as some sort of spiritual bypass through feelings. However, after years of making gratitude an active practice I can tell you that the periods of negativity are shorter and less impactful because it literally hurts my brain to stay in that space.

In the moments which catch us by surprise, we feel it in our body as well as our attention. There is a surge of energy indicating, beyond our seeing that something is happening. Something has interrupted our normal breath pattern.  Something has caused us to stop what we are doing and turn our focus towards something else.  The feeling of the surge can be overwhelming as it jerks us awake and to attention. On one level there is a positive experience of being alive which might explain why people love surprises.  Depending on the context, however, it may seem negative because of the origin of the surprise.  When you factor in one’s previous experience with surprises another layer is added to how we feel about the surge happening within us.  The surge of energy in our hearts is something our minds will seek to explain and categorize. What if we could allow the surges to be just an experience in our hearts without the explanation?  What if we allowed ourselves to be brought to attention and feel alive in our body as a recognition of being alive?  What if we could connect to the surges and redirect them to where we want our focus to be?  We all know what it is like to experience surges in our body but how attuned could we become if we intended to pay attention to how those surges are experienced in our hearts.  It may sound ridiculous but we get an opportunity to do so each time we take a breath.  We are conditioned to think surges only occur when we are surprised, but they are happening each time we take a deep breath.  Our hearts physically and possibly on other levels experience surges with each influx of new oxygen.  Most of us have grown so unconscious of our breathing we do not notice how it surges the energy in our hearts until we are surprised.