dailydatewithgod

Sometimes the answer is just to let go. We try so hard to make things happen.  We push ourselves, we are in action in our lives, and we are doing our part to create what it is we want to happen.  Somewhere in there we inadvertently pick up some things that are actually impeding what we want. We create barriers with all our actions where we do not intend to create an obstruction. It is hard for us to wrap our minds around it because we cannot imagine why we would intentionally set up barriers to something we want to happen.  However, most of our barriers are internal.  We do not intentionally set out to obstruct our own goals.  There is a part of ourselves that may be thinking ahead to what will happen if we get what we want and it is not in alignment with it.  It might cause us to change how we see ourselves. It might require us to step up responsibility and we are overwhelmed by there mere thought of responsibility. Even with all the planning we do, we may not see these inner barriers until they reveal themselves in the process.  It does not mean we have failed or we will not be able to get where we are going. It simply means our hearts have a slightly different pathway for us to travel than our minds.  These barriers which we find ourselves frustrated by are simply parts of ourselves calling out for some love and attention.  Almost like little children who need to be heard.  Talking over them or forcing this part of ourselves may not do the trick.  It may for a time but wouldn’t we rather get to wherever we see ourselves going as a more whole person than when we started on the journey? That is all the barriers are calling for.  They want to join in and ride along.  God has shown me on our daily dates the more I open up to the messages of my internal barriers, the more I can grow my heart and become the person I am meant to be.

We often imagine things happening in big strides.  We see change as happening with major events, big transformations, or profound moments of enlightenment.  When people share their story of how they changed or how an experience changed them, we expect to hear about some catastrophic shift in perspective.  Change can be this major experience but often the road to such changes are paved with tinges.  We get little inklings along the way that maybe we could look at things from a different perspective.  The tinges are like when the hair on our arm stands up when someone says something or a fleeting thought which is different from the usual.  The reality is within each new breath there is an opportunity for change.  We just take for granted that our heart is prompting us to take in some newness with each of those breaths.  We often ignore the tinges which can serve as a wake-up call because they are not big and loud.  Tinges are like the still small voice of God written about in many spiritual traditions.  It is hard to hear compared to the loudness of the clamoring of the world.  When we take time in our day to slow down, experience some quiet, and be with our heart and our breath we can attune ourselves to the messages encased in the tinges we experience throughout the day.  It does not mean we are doing it wrong if we do not pay attention to the tinges and instead wait to be hit over the head with life.  Instead, it is about having a curiosity towards what our hearts might be trying to communicate with us in all ways.

One of the gems phrases I learned in the rooms of recovery is “Thank you for sharing.”  It is often used when thanking a fellow person in recovery for sharing their story or their experience with something.  It acknowledges their presence, their contribution, and is not a judgment on it.  What I learned is how effective it is with my own thoughts.  It makes room to acknowledge the thoughts without judgment and simultaneously relegate them to a time and place where they might be useful.  The first thoughts we think about anything are the brain’s attempt at survival.  It is instinctual and therefore valuable but may not be what is needed at the moment.  By relegating them we can own them without taking action on them.  We think all kinds of things all the time.  When it comes to doing something it is helpful to have some space between the thought and the action.  Relegating those thoughts by putting them to the side allows us to bring our hearts online.  We do not want to train these first thoughts out of us, they will save our lives. We all want to take action without thought when it comes to getting out of danger and true life-threatening situations.  Our thoughts about handling interpersonal relationships are ones that often need some time.  Relegating makes room for the pause which makes room for heart thinking.  Leading with the heart online when it comes to our interpersonal relationships in my experience leads to greater peace with myself and others.

We all have modes which we follow without thinking about them.  We drive on a particular side of the road, we wear clothes in public, we get together for holidays, and so on.  When we do these things over and over they become habits and we see them as norms.  We grasp rather quickly what is considered normal by our families and society.  In order to fit in, we follow them. The norms dictate the set expectation of behavior in order to belong.  Belonging is important.  If we want to function we attempt to fit into the norm.  Anyone who steps outside of that and goes against the grain can be seen as not normal or even worse at outlier.  Just the very connotation makes one feel as though they have not been accepted.  There are different levels of norms and sometimes we can get away with going against the grain.  It is often people who do whom history remembers as major contributors to the shift in the norm.  Yet at the time they are moving against the grain, they are not applauded by it and had to walk through a lot of their own fears about not belonging. We don’t hear that part about it after time and so it looks very glamorous. Most of us when choosing to go against the grain come face to face with the fear and back down. Our minds will always come up with reasons to not do it because we will stand out or people will think we are crazy or weird.  To go against the grain requires courage.  Courage comes from our hearts.  We can listen to the call of our hearts by practicing in small ways going against our own grains.  Doing so builds courage and resiliency.  It shows our capacity to be the person we are designed to be at our core instead of buying into who or what we have been told we are.  We get to meet ourselves where we are instead of trying to meet the someone else we are expected and told to be. Discovering the courage present in us gives us an inkling of what God sees.  The God who knows the truth of who we are.

It is hard to imagine what life would be like if we knew there was no end.  What if we all lived forever?  Would we be different people?  Would we live our lives differently?  Would we interact with others differently?  As it stands now we all experience the same outcome.  We all die.  How does this shape our reality?  Do we spend our time and energy accepting this fact or do we focus on how we can outwit death?  It is funny that the very outcomes which are the same for everyone are the same one no one wants to talk about.  At least in Western culture, unless one is faced with their death or the death of another we all go around acting like it isn’t going to happen to us.  We don’t like to talk about it and if we do we are seen as dark and morbid.  We keep dead people in the basement of hospitals and find those who own and operate mortuaries a bit odd.  When a doctor has to broach the conversation with a patient, it is met with a certain level of trepedation.  Why do we fear this outcome?  Just recently I was experiencing the rolling effects of an earthquake and thought for a moment, what if my outcome was today?  It turns the perspective of the day on its head.  What if today I met the outcome of my life?  The irony in all of this is it is not the outcome we fear.  It is what it will mean.  It is about when we get to the outcome of our lives, what kind of life will we be able to say we lived?  If we delay the idea of the outcome in the first place, we do not have to stop and reflect on what kind of life it is. We do not have to ask ourselves the perhaps difficult question:  How have we lived from our heart on our way to the outcome of our lives?

There are times in our lives when we are forced to pause and take a closer look. It usually catches us by surprise as rarely do any of truly attempt to slow down.  We live in a fast-paced world with things we are asked to handle moment to moment.  We get used to moving from one thing to another barely glancing at the space between all in an effort to get more done.  And for what?  So we can make sure the epithet on our gravestone says, “She finished her to-do list before her last breath”?  Where would that fit exactly?  Taking time for reflection usually has to be created.  Anytime I have hoped it would just happen I found myself wondering where the time went.  As this thing called time just wandered down its own path and did its own thing. 😉 My daily dates with God are about creating reflection time.  Time to sit still and pay attention to the things I am saying and doing which create my being.  Checking in to see if they are in alignment with my heart and if I can still connect to the light of life within me.  The still small lighted voice I can barely hear when I am busy playing whack-a-mole with life.  Engaging in reflection is not just a practice to help one stay connected to the truth of who they are.  It builds in specific action which designs the reflection of the importance of presence in life.  How can I say I want my life to reflect certain ideas if I never take the time to figure out what those ideas are and how best to live them?  Reflection is the process and the result.  This allows us to check it off our to-do list as well as invest in our very being.  It can be challenging especially when we are so used to reacting instead of responding to life.  Newsflash: Life is full of challenges.  It becomes a question of which challenges we choose to take on, which ones feed our soul and our heart, and which ones do we want to reflect our very essence.

There are two sides to every coin.  There are positive and negative ions that make up the universe.  There are at least two sides to every story.  The glass is half full or half empty. All around us and within us are elements of duality.  Why is it then we go around expecting things to be only one way or another?  How can we really not anticipate both experiences of an eclipse?  Even our breath which comes in must go out if we are to stay alive.  The constant fluctuation whether it is from dark to light or light to dark speaks the story of a life full of duality.  No matter how much we think the goal is to maintain a specific state, the very changing nature of the universe in which we inhabit suggests the impossibility of the goal. The key is to maintain a sense of equanimity amidst the changes and fluctuations.  Our hearts invite us to question this idea we have of good versus bad.  Who’s to say, really?  How can we know in anything other than the moment which it is?  This does not mean never intending to live and be in a way that aligns with the truth of who we are.  It means letting go of exactly what it will look like at any given moment.  We can maintain the still steady intention of our hearts to be the creative, life-giving messengers of love we are designed to be if we choose.  It requires a connection to the truth of who we are and eyes to see the truth of who others are at their core.  The eyes of our hearts see past the duality of others and reconnected us to the oneness from which we were all created.  We all have to take both in and out-breaths.  We all choose to make our way as best as we can on this path called life unless we let ourselves get lost in the expectations or negative perspective of duality.  Instead of seeing it as unstable and untrustworthy, it is a call to step into the fullest experience of the duality of our lives and embrace all sides of who we are and who we are not. It is trusting in the overriding power of love which created the universe in which we exist. When we bring our hearts into our natural duality, we have the breath and the courage to ride the ever-changing waves of life.

It is amusing that an automatic function such as breathing is actually something we have to remind ourselves to do.  We need the constant in and out our breath provides but we take for granted its presence.  We often lose sight when we are restricting our breath and forget the solution to what we are experiencing may be to stop interfering.  When we are stressed or fearful our breathing takes on a different quality. When we are constricted physically we breathe in different areas of our body.  We do not become alarmed until our capacity to breathe is hindered all together.  At those moments there is nothing so precious as to be able to take a deep full breath. The automatic functioning of our breath ensures our survival.  But remembering to take moments and consciously breathe, changes the quality of our lives.  The breaths we take for granted provide the template for further exploration.  I have discovered how breaths help with pain, how breaths allow me to be more present, how breaths provide clarity of mind.  All of these gifts coming from breaths are somewhat hidden.  We have an amazing tool available at our disposal with every moment of our lives.  It is why there is such power in the pause.  In the pause, we can stop, breathe, and reassess where we are and what we need.  Our breaths place us in our body, connect us with our hearts, and slow us down just enough to know where to go next. Our breath is the first thing we take when we begin our lives and the last thing we take before we die.  How much power might we discover in these breaths during the time in between?

It is clear we are meant to move and change.  Our bodies, nature, and all the natural laws of the universe speak this truth in their very being.  It is funny that we often resist movement until we get started.  Once we are in motion and open to change it just happens.  We can experience the same thing within our own minds and hearts when we open up to the shifts in perspective offered to us by our lives.  We do not have to go far to seek out opportunities to shift our thinking or feeling.  Most of the time they are right in front of us.  We get stuck when we close ourselves off to these shifts because we fear what the result will be. We step out of the moment and find ourselves ruminating over the end of the path or how we are going to make it happen.  Life invites us to take a breath, take a step, and dance into the mystery of moving through a shift.  We get stuck in fearing how it might change who we say we are or we resist the invitation to shift due to a fear that we will be shown wrong for where we were before the shift.  But like the shift from night to day, one does not make the other obsolete.  They both have their role.  All the changes in our lives are not because we were wrong or bad before and now we are right and good.  The opportunity to shift occurs because it is time to discover something new about ourselves, about our heart, and about our capacity to learn from love. We need not resist the shifts in our lives no matter what form they appear in because we are far more capable of the changes we are being invited to live.

It is clear we need to have a sense of belonging to a particular group whether it is family, society, or some other construct of a group in order to survive.  As independent as we think of ourselves, we are actually much more reliant on others than we like to admit.  It is in our design.  It is not a flaw that we feel a sense of loss and confusion when we are not able to claim to belong to something.  We are born into a  particular family group and culture.  There are the groups our parents belong to which usually means we belong to them since we cannot get around on our own the first many years of our lives.  All of these places of belonging give us a sense of where we fit.  As we mature and can make choices about where we belong, we are given the opportunity to asses if the places of belonging with which we identify are fitting to us or places we are trying to fit into.  It is only natural to want to stick with what is familiar.  But over time if we are working so hard to fit into something that is not fitting for the truth of who we are we lose ourselves.  God did not design us with a sense of needing to belong just so we could force a fit that isn’t there and squash the truth of who we are designed to be.  There is a sense of loss when letting go of the familiar but the more we are willing to embrace what is fitting for us and the core of ourselves, the more we are able to live and breathe and be.  It takes courage to look at our family, society, and various groups to which we belong, acknowledge their role in our lives and see with truth where we fit with them and where we need to stop trying fitting ourselves to them.  The more we grow in relationship with God and with our own hearts the clearer the path to aligning with what is fitting for us we will be able to do and be the person we are called to be.