dailydatewithgod

If you have ever committed to spending any amount of time abstaining from complaining you most likely came face to face with your rankles in a way you had not done so before.  What else are we supposed to do about those irritating little elements of life that pop up, if not to vent about them?  Clearly, our rankles represent things that are not working in our lives.  They are the elements that seemingly tear at the smooth and productive life we set out to live each day. Wait, who told us life was supposed to go smoothly?  I keep forgetting. 😉 There are the lines, the traffic, the unconscious actions and words of others.  There is no way to describe them other than to say they are irritating.  What if our rankles say more about us than we would like to admit?  After all, there are some common rankles but we have rankles that are not rankles for others.  What could that mean?  Perhaps our rankles tell us about our current state of mind.  Maybe we could use them as indications of what we are not in acceptance of at the moment.  It is not about being wrong because we are experiencing something as a rankle.  Our reaction to that thing and perceiving it as a rankle is an emotional one.  The people, places, and things we experience as rankles are not in and of themselves irritating. It is our perception that makes them rankles.  We all know of times when we find ourselves neutral to how someone is behaving around us when previously we saw it as a rankle.  Why is it the line at the grocery store is more of a rankle when we are feeling rushed?  The context in our mind is what makes something neutral and creates a rankle.  The good news is we can choose not to fall for the story of the rankle our mind is telling us in a given moment about a person, place or thing.  Breathing and centering in our hearts makes this easier.  Funny how our hearts do not perceive nearly as many rankles in our lives as our minds do.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you wished you could transfer the experience to someone else?  Perhaps it was overwhelming.  Perhaps it pushed you a level of surrender about not being enough.  Perhaps you simply did not want to deal with the person or situation and would happily pass it on to someone who does.  We have all been there.  On my daily dates with God, I came to see that life happens for me, not to me.  It is a slight change of word but very powerful.  In those moments when I would like to do a transfer, I turn to God and say: Really?  Are you serious?  How is this possibly for me?  I may go even so far and say, I didn’t ask for this.  Who would want this?  Can’t it be transferred to someone else to face?  I am certain God smiles at my childish perspective and invites me to stop and take a deep breath.  The only transfer I am in need of is the one from my head to my heart.  Within me, within all of us, is the energy and the courage to face whatever thing or person we would like to transfer.  By pausing, taking a deep breath I connect yet again with the eyes of my heart. With those eyes, I am able to transfer my pain, doubts, frustration, and disdain for the experience to a pool of infinite guidance and wisdom.  In our very being is the presence of God which enables us to transfer out of our fixated mind’s perspective and open to something with more possibilities.  We can allow ourselves through these kinds of transfers to learn more about our capacity to grow in love.

As independent as we all think we are the very idea is suspect.  There are so many things and people that help us through any given day it would be hard to measure. We need the bolsters in our lives.  It is why they are there.  We are designed to be in relationship with one another, even the people we perceive as in our way.  We all make a contribution to one another either negatively or positively thus shaping our next move.  The difference lies in responding versus reacting.  When we go with our first thought which is based on survival we do not see all of our options.  We need the bolsters in our heart to shift from reacting to responding.  When we use the bolster of our breath to get some fresh oxygen in our bodies plus a pause to create a space between action and reaction.  If our heart was not initiating our system to take in fresh oxygen numerous times each day, we would die.  Aside from the mechanical nature of this automatic system, it awakens the inner dimensions of our being housed in our hearts.  These are the bolsters that prompt us in the willingness to be vulnerable enough to reach out to others and to God.  We are not always able to find the needed resources to respond to life on our own.  It is easier (actually it just takes less brain power and energy because it is automatic) to react. It can be automatic if we use the faculties available in our system prompting us to pause. The pause allows us to garner the bolsters needed to determine a response.   A response that may initially require more energy from our hearts and mind but less clean up afterward.  It is humbling to realize we do not have all we need easily at our disposal to respond in a way that lines up with our hearts all the time. However, the capacity and the choice to respond is within us.  We can also choose to seek out the bolsters needed and choose what to do with what they offer.

As we travel through this thing called life we encounter special experiences and people that leave a mark.  Our lives are somehow altered by our experience of them.  We recall them with fondness and in some cases cannot imagine how our lives would be if we had not met the person or had the experience.  In some cases, we make a big deal of recalling these experiences by celebrating them once a year or holding on to a physical object which reminds us of it or them.  This is how we create rituals in our lives.  It is built into our storytelling inclination as human beings to honor such events and people.  It is not about pomp and circumstance or making a show of it for others.  It is about recalling a time or an experience where we connected to ourselves.  The reason we are so impacted by these people and times that we want to hold them in a place of honor is that it reached something deep within us.  Perhaps it was an unexpected connection we did not know was there.  God invites us to continue to cultivate this honoring of life within ourselves.  If we did not have it within us, we would not be able to see it outside of us.  Honoring the truth of who we are at our core transforms us into being the truth of who we are.  In a world full of masks and machinations about what it means to be alive, our hearts live the fullness of life one beat at a time. Without the core of who we are none of it would mean anything.  What would it look like to be honoring the reality of our true selves?  How might honoring this within us shape the eyes through which we see others and life’s circumstances?  These are the questions baffling to the mind but delighting the heart.  When I spend time on my date with God and allow the world outside to grow quiet, I am reconnected to the honoring of life itself which God has designed within each of us.

It is important to belong.  It is a survival need. When we belong to a group of people what comes with it are the ideas and things to which they are attached.  We are not aware of all the attachments at once.  These are not the kind that requires consent ahead of time.  These are the inherent kind. The funny thing is even when we separate ourselves from the group whether, through distance or choosing a different path, the attachments are still there.  There is a mindset that comes along with belonging.  Many of the groups we belong to we were born into. We had no say in the matter and many of the attachments became attached to our identity as a person in addition to them being part of the group identity.  Becoming aware of those attachments as we mature is what God calls us into our hearts to do.  In order to distinguish the truth of who we are we need to take a look at what attachments are in place. Some of them may still apply, others may not.  Our lives are about being and becoming the best version of ourselves.  The version that lives with breadth, depth, and light within our hearts. We may be hindered by some of the attachments and not know it if we don’t look.  We may be guided on a particular path in the opposite direction of one of those attachments in rejection of them.  To determine which parts of this are allowing us to be the truest expression of ourselves calls for some introspection, some curiosity, and some levity about how these attachments have played a role in our lives.  We do not need to root them all out today, it is a lifetime process because being the best version of ourselves is about growing and changing throughout our lives.

Why do we think obstacles are the problem?  Why do we assume that the road to where we are going is supposed to be smooth without any obstacles?  The strange thing is as much as we fall for this idea, again and again, we continually encounter obstacles.  Even when Dorothy and her friends followed the yellow brick road to get where they wanted to go, they encountered obstacles.  And with each obstacle, they learned something and received what they needed.  In fact, by the time they reached the wizard by going through the obstacles they were formed by them into what they were seeking.  The lion became courageous, the tin man became loving, the scarecrow became smarter and Dorothy realized the place she called home was actually always within her reach.  What if life is actually an obstacle course, not a smooth highway?  What if we are supposed to move through and overcome obstacles not get them out of the way?  We think obstacles are an impediment to our growth but they stimulate it.  We presume there is a problem when we encounter obstacles but they are on the path for a reason.  Through the obstacles we encounter we discover the faculties within us we did not know were there until we came face to face with them.  We think it is a place or a thing we are supposed to get to in life.  Life is about being. God has shown me on our daily dates that being on the path, facing the obstacles, moving through them (not around them) is what gets me to the destination inside myself that I think is somewhere out there.

Oddly as someone who loves to think and analyze the shit out of something the whole concept of experimentation I chalked up to the realm of scholarly science.  As my daily dates with God allowed my eyes and heart to open up I began to see life as a continuous growing process.  There is nowhere to get to or a checklist to complete.  It is about living.  Trying things out, see if they work, use what does and keep going.  I realized life is one big experiment or series of experiments.  We are all really doing the best we can.  Some people are more inclined to seek out more tools and find new ways to grow, others are just merely trying to survive.  I consider myself fortunate (my perspective on a good day) to have been one of the folks who form of survival began to cause my death.  Only then was I willing to seek out a different path.  A path with a lot more experiments.  A path with hope and curiosity.  A path with compassion and forgiveness for imperfections.  Actually, a path that thrives on imperfections.  A path guided from the heart.  A path which does not have a fixed ending or someplace else to be.  It is uncomfortable and a mind shift, but it stills my mind, lightens my heart and makes room for experiments so I can get a glimpse of the possibilities in God’s eyes.  It hurts when the experiment doesn’t work the way I think it should.  It is exciting when the experiments bring unexpected benefits.  It spurs a willingness to continue to show up and try again when the experiments fuel my resolve that my heart provides the courage and strength to keep going when it doesn’t look promising. It is actually somewhat freeing to say I don’t know how it is going to turn out.  Like any good experiment, I have some hypothesis but I don’t know what might happen until I take the action and do the experiment.

One thing I have come to learn about myself on this crazy journey called life is my disposition to self-judgment and self-criticism. On the outside, as an obese woman, I used a lot of self-deprecating humor in the hopes of showing I didn’t care what you thought of me (all the while being afraid that all you saw was what I saw).  The funny thing I have learned is as much as we worry about what other people think of us, most of the time, they are not thinking of us.  Plus, how they view us is simply an insight into how they view themselves.  I would be lying if I said I am not just as inclined to be critical of others as I am with myself.  The difference is I can see it, pause, and not to act on it when it comes to others. A deeper level of understanding comes when it alerts me to how I am seeing myself at that moment.  It is, after all, my mind and eyes which are perceiving the other person. The great cosmic joke is that we all judge.  It is part of our nature.  It serves a purpose.  We get so lost in chastising ourselves for it or trying to hide it that we forget that we can choose how we use it and it what context.  It was only in recovery I was able to take a long hard look at how this element of my character in a vain attempt to keep myself from stepping out of line had gotten out of hand.  In my brilliant mind, I figured my self-judgment kept me in good standing, kept me from disappointing people, and kept me from letting the parts of myself which were less than ideal slip out.  What I did not realize is it has the side effect of tension and take myself too seriously.  I marvel these days in the moments when I can laugh at myself.  I have learned through my daily dates with God, the judgment I used to keep myself down does just that but it is not discriminatory.  It will keep down the good and the bad.  I can see how God has changed and softened my heart over the years which makes me more willing to try things out, laugh at myself, and right size my expectations of myself and others.  It is a much better world when I can use my judgment to make a choice when buying something versus whether or not to condemn myself or be disappointed in someone else’s behavior.  There are many layers to this judgment stuff but it is in the small moments when I stop to notice what is happening, the familiar path my conditioned mind wants to go down, and ask God for the help I need to take another path.  With practice, it actually works. Given the human facility for judgment is not going away any time soon, I imagine I will have a whole lifetime of practice (and I know it works because just thinking of that makes me smile).

We pride ourselves on our knowledge.  We have initials after our name so others know before they meet us how much knowledge we have obtained.  We give people who know more or at least seem to know more places of authority.  We feel safe about having an answer.  None of this is either good or bad.  The real question is how do we perceive an experience or ourselves when we find ourselves doubting?  It is not a question of whether or not we will experience doubt but when and in what form.  The deeper question is what do we do with it once we experience it?  It may have a different flavor if we are talking about matters of the heart or matters of the mind, but doubt play an important role in what it means to be human.  Just like our dark sides, we try to pretend doubt is not really there or push it down.  Acting more assured of something or working to prove it to others to make it truer does not squelch the experience of doubt.   If we pause and breathe in the face of doubt and let it in the door, we can engage with it.  What kind of questions can we ask?  What might the experience of doubt without the context of the specifics be providing for us as a path to growth?  Sometimes we need to doubt to be pushed to see what it is we really do know or believe.  Only when we stop and take a look at what we have taken for granted, do we see get a chance to learn all of what it contains.

When we interact with others we are affected by them.  We can claim that we do not allow people to affect us but energetically there are things happening of which we are not consciously aware. Just because we do not experience it on a cognitive level does not mean it is not happening.   It is easier however to concede that we are affected by others than it is to own how much we are affected by the thoughts we think.  Many of our thoughts are so automatic we stopped paying attention to them.  Just because we do not experience it on a cognitive level does not mean it is not happening. When others repeat our words back to us, sometimes we stop to notice if we even believe what is going through our minds.  Often there are thoughts we think which we adopted a long time ago, so long ago we don’t even remember the circumstances or person from which they generated. When we learn to pay attention to our thoughts and watch them as though observing something outside of ourselves we can get some much-needed distance.  When we stop and listen to the words that come out of our mouth we can gain insight into what automatic thoughts are rolling around in our head of which we stopped being conscious.  On my daily dates with God, I have learned to become an observer of my thoughts.  It is powerful to know we are not our thoughts and we can choose which ones to hook into.  All are welcome and I am slowly learning not to make myself wrong for them or the effect they have on me.  My goal is to latch on to the ones which contain affection.  The affectionate ones are the ones I want to grow and make more automatic.  It takes practice given our propensity as human beings to be on alert for the negative, a much-needed survival technique. Even the approach to one’s thinking becomes layered with affection when we pause and seek to find what is workable with our thoughts.  It is a switch in perspective to be willing to be affected by affection in our thoughts and it can change the landscape of our inner world.