dailydatewithgod

For some reason the idea of normal is held out as the ideal.  Like we are all machines expected to operate the same way. While there are some aspects of ourselves that can be considered the same, most elements adhering to the idea of normal have a range.  In medicine it is understood as within normal limits or a range of accepted numbers or markers.  But when we use the idea of normality in society we hold it up as the only way to be and things that are considered outside of it are abnormal.  How often do we stop to look closely at what we consider normal.  Is a standard and who sets the standard for what is normal?  At what point are variations okay versus abnormal.  So much of what we are seeing in our world today flies in the face of normality.  Perhaps it is an idea whose time has come.  While it can be helpful to use the concept of normal as some sort of baseline just because something falls outside of it does not automatically make it abnormal.  The better question would be abnormal as compared to what or whom?  And when we determine what or whom, the question is who decided that what or whom is the normal for all?  At the end of the road of our life in this physical body, we do not get to take anyone or anything with us.  It is us with ourselves and for some whatever they understand as a guiding force in their lives.  While I spent a lot of my life and still get caught up in trying to be normal, I have come to make greater peace with being resonant with what is normal according to my heart. What is normal for me comes back to what I find in my daily relationship with God.  Sometimes what is normal for me on one day can be different for what is normal on another day.  We are beings who grow and change no matter how much we may fight it.  Why not keep the fight within our normal than expend useless energy trying to be someone or something else?

The variation and novelty we seek our in our lives gives us a spark inside to wake us up.  It is why children marvel at everything they come across the first time.  It is all new. But how do we see things new that we have looked at for years?  One of the benefits of a daily date with God is the opportunity to open the eyes of my heart to see things I have looked at with my eyes for a long time.  The adroitness developed from a mindfulness practice makes space to see things from a new angle.  It is a mixture of the intentional focus on gratitude and the skill of pausing.  Practicing it over and over again sets the adroit nature of a contemplative eyes for life.  This is the energy of the heart.  Appreciation for the beauty, mess, strength, courage, and fragility are the adroit nature of the heart we discover within ourselves when we take the time to do so.  Sometimes we get there because we are in so much pain we are desperate to discover the adroitness of our hearts.  Most people I know in recovery from some form of addiction like myself would tell you it is the pain that led them to a place where they could learn the skill of opening their heart.  I would not have chosen that way for myself necessarily but life happens.  It is not the cards we are dealt, it is how we play them.  I am grateful for the opportunity to see that within me are these adroit characteristics of my heart like patience, depth, warmth, light, joy, sacredness, and so on.  The more I witness them happening through me the more I can embrace them as the truth of who I am and make my heart more and more adroit.  Prior to walking this path of newness in life, I would have told you the best way to go is to protect my heart and keep it locked down.  In lock down mode the only adroit characteristic it would develop is surviving in darkness and seeing only darkness. Darkness is not the path of our hearts so I would be living in contrast to the truth of who I am.

Okay, I am admitting it up front. I love wearing flip-flops.  This works out well for me living in southern California and I am grateful.  After work and on the weekends, the stockings and closed toed shoes are nowhere to be found.  My feet are free to breathe and move. Besides, what is a cute pedicure without someone noticing? (Do I sound like a girly girl or what? . . . its one of the things I am learning to embrace about myself.)  Within the idea of flip-flops or reversal is the universal theme of change.  When we have room to breathe and move we see the advantage of all sides of the experience.  Flip-flops do have a base and a strap keeping them tethered to your feet.  They are not quite like bare feet although one does feel the earth more readily when wearing them.  What might the experience be of our lives if we opened ourselves up to seeing and feeling from the flip side?  Perhaps flip-flopping is less about not being grounded or knowing what you stand for and more about standing for the possibility of seeing things on all sides.  Over the course of our lives, whether we admit it or not, we change.  We may feel very strongly against something at one stage of our lives and for it at another stage.  The real test of where we stand with our values is not whether it is the opposite of what it once was but what do we do with it.  Flip-flopping gives the impression of being a flake but what if it is being flexible?  If all one does is flip-flop and never make a decision that is a different story.  Flipping is more like making room to breathe and let the our heart’s perspective show us a different light.  It is humbling to admit we are now open to something we had previously closed off but being able to do so without being labeled a flake or spineless means we can safely make room for our hearts to show us over time what our eyes might need time to soften and see.  Maybe it is the humility that in the moment feels like the flop.  God invites us to take a chance in a moment when we stop and breathe and consider the flip side to our story, our perspective, and our experience.  The call of our hearts is for our eyes to relax, breathe, and be willing to be surprised by life and by what it is here to teach us even if it causes us to flip-flop our perspective.

Without realizing it we make a lot of assumptions about life.  We take for granted that not everyone sees things the way we do or that we are seeing things as they actually are. We find ourselves surprised when others express their understanding of a situation which is completely different from our own. Then we take it one step further and determine we are seeing it as it actually is and they are not.  We try to convince others of our way of seeing things and get wedded to the idea we are right and they are wrong. This creates a pattern of making the other person no longer a person but their idea.  Who they are is no longer just another human being with a different idea.  Some how they morph into the entity which embodies everything that seeing things incorrectly.  It sounds dramatic but it is how we lose perspective on what is actually happening.  What is actually happening is we are seeing things from the perspective of where we are.  We are both seeing correctly from our particular perspective.  To not get stuck in potential conflict requires us to be willing to see where the other person is coming from.  In all actuality we may see it the same way they do if we see it from the other person’s eyes.  Actuality is not about right versus wrong.  Actuality is about where we are coming from.  When we want to see the world as others see it, we need to connect to them with our hearts.  Hearing their words or being told their ideas still provides a limited opportunity to know what it is like from their perspective.  This is why arguing usually does not lead to peace. Actuality calls us to connect with the heart of another and see them as made of the same stuff doing the best they can with what they have within themselves.

There are times when we find ourselves at an intersection we did not plan for and are not sure which direction to go in.  We try to the look for the path but all we see are points along the way.  The points may not seem to have a particular trajectory and we may see only one.  Because the point gives us some sense of direction, we move towards it.  Then there are the times when we encounter a point that seemed to move the closer we got to it. We find ourselves wondering what is the point of the journey if we never seem to reach a destination. Reconciling our need for an end to justify the means we find ourselves settling for reaching specific points along the way.  What if the path is the point?  What if there is no specific end goal?  What if sometimes we are meant to wander aimlessly from point to point in our lives and simply make the most of what we experience in the moment?  If that is the case, it would seem as though all the worldly training on how to succeed in life is mute.  If we integrate the facilities of our mind with the facilities of our hearts we find the role of points and paths intertwining.  Perhaps it is less about one or the other and more about the merging of points along the path to create the path and other times following the path to make a point of our life.

So often we seek evidence of confirmation of what we think or feel from something or someone outside of ourselves.  Yet how can anything or anyone outside of us truly know what is true for us? The real question is are we seeking assurance so others can be convinced or are we trying to convince or dis-confirm for ourselves?  It is nice when we get assurances from outside of us.  It makes us feel like we are on the right path.  But relying completely on outside assurances leaves us vulnerable to the whims of others.  Everyone views things from their own perspective.  We cannot know fully what contributed to the assurances provided to us by something or someone outside of us.  Sometimes we are not even sure why we have the assurance within ourselves.  But the assurance from within our own hearts is one we can cultivate and get to know.  It is with us at all times, under all circumstances, and interacts with us in every which way. We cannot experience the same from something or someone outside of us.  Getting to know the assurances within our own heart creates an awareness of God’s presence within us.  It is precious and takes a lifetime, one day at a time, to make peace with the assurances within our heart.  I have yet to know any other peace that is more rewarding.

The more I learn about how nature works the more I am fascinated by how everything moves in a circular or cyclical fashion.  It seems to be a forgiving way of moving through time and space.  As though things build upon each other and there are elements we experience again and again.  Yet these are not circles of hell like Dante wrote about, although when we imagine we are back where we started we default to thinking we must have done something wrong, a.k.a. hell.  It is more likely that we return for some other reasons.  Perhaps we circle back because there is another element of the experience or situation which will attribute to our growth.  Perhaps we circle back so we can bear witness to how much we have grown since we were in this place before. Perhaps we circle around to be the one to guide others who find themselves in that space for the first time.  We could opt to think poorly of ourselves for simple repeating elements of our lives which I have spent plenty of time doing. Strangely it did not move me through the experience any quicker. If I remember to view life as an experience of learning and opportunity to grow in love and become more fully myself I can pay more attention to the energy of my heart in the circle than what it looks like with my eyes.  My heart will always speak to the truth of my being in the circle of my life in the moment I am in.

We tend to view things as one or the other.  It is either night or day, up or down, and good or bad.  Sometimes referred to as black and white thinking it is a result of our inclination to categorize things.  It is so we can make sense of the world which is helpful.  If everything was chaotic and lacked meaning we would most likely feel out of touch with reality.  When it comes to the idea of advantages we often take the same either or approach. We either want the advantage in a situation or we do not.  We see others who have advantages that we do not and wish we were them. Our minds do this funny thing where we perceive others as having more of an advantage than ourselves.  In fact, we are often blinded to the advantages we do have because most of them we take for granted.  We bemoan the people we perceive as always having the upper hand or the golden touch.  As if they are somehow more lucky than we are.  We believe they do not even realize all the advantages they have and take them for granted.  But depending on what angle we are looking from someone always has an advantage.  Do we always recognize the ones we have?  I lose sight of them all the time.  I walked from the train to my office this morning fully clothed with a smile on my face. In that time I passed a man who was wearing tattered clothing, missing teeth, limping, who I do not think has a place to live and probably does not have any money to take the train.  It isn’t until writing this that I realized all the advantages I have compared to him.  I take action in my life to facilitate those advantages and some of them show up on my gratitude list at the end of the day but I do not usually seem them as an advantage.  It has started me wondering how many more advantages I have that I am not paying attention to.  In fact, how many advantages do I have that I do not even see as an advantage?  How many more things can I be grateful for that I currently take for granted?  I can hear the song of my heart start to hum as my eyes are opened to all the blessings in my life I have been blind to up until this point.

One of the most important elements to my daily dates with God is the daily element. The more consistent I am with showing up for myself and God the more I get to reap the benefits of a sacred relationship.  The frequency of a daily commitment sounds like something one might check off a to do list.  It is however, less of a to do and more of a willingness to try again and again.  Frequency of commitment is about the desire to grow and learn at every turn.  To show up again and again with the possibility of being surprised by the way life shows its light. It is not about doing it the same way every time or reaching some kind of perfection.  Frequency is a way of answer my heart’s call to become a little bit each day the truest expression of myself.  There are so many things we do with frequency and are not even conscious of it.  My heart beckons me to expend equal energy frequently participating in life at a frequency of intentional heart growth.  I can only image it is the energy within my own heart propelling me to slow down for a little time each day and greet God with the earnestness of child wanting to learn.  If nothing else, I can be willing to be in the presence of my creator with daily frequency just to see what I might discover within my own heart.

We know things start and end.  We know there is a beginning of the road and an end of the road.  Yet for all we know we are often surprised when things come to an end whether it is a road, a relationship, an experience, a time period in our lives, or an idea.  Sometimes we welcome the end with open arms and look forward to new beginnings.  Other times we fight to hold on seemingly as though our lives depend upon it.  More than anything we want the ending to happen on our own terms. We imagine that if we could make things last forever it would be best. We think never having to change is the optimal.  What we fail to recognize is the ever-changing nature of life including ourselves.  We elusively think we do not change much over time and will continue to be, think, and act very much the way we do currently once we have reached adulthood.  Psychological studies tell us this is incorrect.  Yes, there are elements of ourselves which may not change drastically, but they do change.  Often it is so subtle we cannot see it in ourselves.  We perceive ourselves as enduring versus a series elemental endings happening all the time.  Ending sounds so final but every ending makes room for beginning.  The very nature of nature’s ending over and over is the enduring nature of life.  This is where the presence of God is made real.  Through the enduring nature of beginnings and endings life flows in a cycle.  We perceive time and space as linear but life reveals itself as cyclical.    Sometimes those endings come back in a slightly new form as new beginnings.  God’s enduring nature and movement in time is the thread keeping life growing and expanding.  To abandon ourselves to the enduring nature of God versus trying to hold on with our limited ability to create enduring nature is better known as controlling.   Trusting God’s enduring nature to allow the flow of beginnings and endings takes courage and humility.  This is the trust built into our hearts which fuels the courage to show up in the moment and live out the truest design of ourselves.