dailydatewithgod

One healer that I went to see talked about how a lot of problems that we humans experience–physically, emotionally, and spiritually is unexpressed grief.  I also recently took a course given by Neale Donald Hirsch (known most for his books, “Conversations with God.”) and he talked about a similar idea.  I usually think of grief in terms of mourning a death of a person.  I don’t often think of grief in terms of mourning of an idea.  But when I expand my understanding of the possible experiences of grief I can see that we all experience grief in a multitude of ways.  There is a grief that comes with acknowledging that things are not the way we thought they would be.  We all have disappointments, some of experience them early on, some of us come to it later.  It doesn’t matter when or how.  It is not important to compare one’s disappointment over another as being greater or more “realistic” than another.  It is natural to have expectations of how things turn out. I have come to realize that expectations are often times unmet resentments waiting to happen.  I believe it is in the Buddhist tradition that they speak of the peace that comes from not attaching to things.  For some that is physical things, but I think for most of us that is our thinking.  We attach our identity to a certain way of being or who we think we are (or rather the story that our ego buys into).  What has been interesting in my journey towards greater health is that I have had to let go of a lot of stories about who I thought I was.  In the beginning I just thought I was carrying an excess amount of weight around–eating too much, not exercising and taking care of myself.  But things are never what they seem.  What I have realized in my time of recovery from a food addiction and letting go of 160 excess pounds is that my mind is full of ideas that no longer serve me.  Stories of protection and self-importance that I built up as a defense mechanism.  Mostly I think my motives was not to be hurt again, not to experience betrayal by those closest to me.  I remember very clearly one night a few years ago when I took a walk on the beach.  As I stood there and listened in the almost dark to the waves crashing I felt the presence of God standing behind me.  It was a nurturing feeling and it was though his arms wrapped around me and he began to tell me that it was time to open up my heart.  I felt as though his hands reached around to my chest and was pulling my rib cage open to free my heart.  I knew quite well that I had created a barrier of steel and ice around my heart and I began to cry as I felt like my chest was going to cave in.  I could hear God reassure me that it was going to hurt but that in the end it would free me. I stood there and cried like a blubbering fool and yet I could sense this strong presence behind me.  That was almost five years ago and since then I can tell you that I have opened up my heart in ways that I never thought possible.  With that came a lot of letting go of grief.  But I did not do it alone, I had lots of help and experienced many different paths and it continues.  But the solace of God, the comfort of an Almighty Power that reminded me that each time I came up against an old idea that I thought was an integral part of who I am, that it was only a story.  I needed the solace of God to remind me that I am love and light and peace and power and a gift to the world.  I am not something that needs to be apologized for or kept quiet or taken for granted by myself first and then the world.  We need to give ourselves permission to grieve how we thought things should be and not make ourselves wrong for it.  Mother Teresa said you cannot love something if you judge it.  I have begun to understand why the scriptures often say that God is the judge, not us.  We are not equipped for it because we cannot see the whole experience of life, we are finite.  But when we connect with the Infinite Love, we can experience love, let go of judgment and accept that we are exactly where we are supposed to be doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing.  I hope that my story brought you some solace.  If I can in the hands of a loving creator learn to let go of over a 100 pounds of story and expectations, you can too.  My prayer for you today is that you experience solace in the knowledge that no matter what you are grieving in the moment, it has not changed the essence of who you are–LOVE (God).  Make it a great one! Peace~Colleen

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