dailydatewithgod

I was listening to a discussion on a podcast differentiating between confidence and courage.  The speaker heralded the idea that what we want is courage in life. Confidence comes as a result of the courage that is needed to take action.  I had never made the distinction before but realize it is zeroes in on the very kind of thing that can stop us in our tracks.  If I were to assess before any given situation if I feel confident in my ability to handle it the answer would vary.  Sometimes I feel confident, other times not. Based on that I may not take action if I am expected to feel confident before proceeding. Explain how it is that in those moments when I lacked confidence but had the courage to act, it worked out better than I imagined.  This experience of being able to act despite having confidence takes courage.  It is a leap of faith in myself and the people around me that this is what we are here for.  It is a surrender to the moment and the willingness to do what we are called to do.  Just like sometimes I feel connected to God and in the flow of life and sometimes not so much.  I am not always confident that God has my back but I know I have the courage to act in faith because it has worked for me every time I took the chance.  In the grand scheme of things we remember people’s courage more than their confidence.  The origin of the world courage comes from the Latin word “Cor” which means heart.  It makes sense that our confidence would come from living from our hearts where God has seated the power of love.  It is the space within us that is untouched and unmarred by the experiences and the wounds of life no matter what it feels like.  God, who cannot be undone, would not create the power of love in such a way that it could be broken.  We may think we have broken hearts but God’s love is unbreakable.  I have confidence in the power of love but more importantly I have the courage to act on the truth of it even when I don’t feel confident in its presence within me.

My prayer for us is the willingness to trust in God’s power of love at the core of who we are allowing us to live courageously even if we lack the confidence today.

The one quality about God that I recognized faster than anything else on our daily prayer and meditation dates was the power of God in staying.  Especially when it came to the meditation part.  I thought I could not stay in one spot remotely still even for the two minutes to which I committed.  It made no sense to me.  How does doing nothing for two minutes bring about anything.  My mind was either on getting something out of it or doing it right.  Neither of which happened for a long time.  And actually, I still don’t think I do it right.  But one thing I have learned is to stay.  What I saw in my daily date time was my tendency to want to run.  I didn’t realize all I was doing was running from myself.  I did it primarily by packing on pounds of weight to keep myself at a distance from myself and the feelings in my body and used food, especially sugar to check out from my mind.  I had learned early on as an adaptation to my experience how to cut loose and run even if it was only in my mind.  Here I was on this path of recovery and the very thing I committed to doing was sitting with the madness of my head and the discomfort of my body. I can only credit the power of God within my heart that gave me the courage to practice staying.  I only had to be willing to do it one day at a time.  Two minutes grew to five then to seven and eventually to 15-20 minutes and here I am 15 years later with a life I never imagined.  Even today after so many dates I can sit for our daily date and want to leave.  The difference is I stay anyway.  My heart has taught me the power and the gift I give to myself and the world when I practice staying with me in God’s presence.

There seems to be no end to the list of problems that can arise in any given moment.  I have heard people proclaim we are a problem people.  Many, like me, flip the switch and use the term challenges instead of problems.  I find it takes some of the weight and dread off of it.  Either way, both are in search of solutions.  One of the most beautiful gifts we can open ourselves up to is the simplicity available to us because of our relationship with God.  God knows we face problems and challenges.  God is also ready with solutions.  It is important that we engage God in our challenges so as not to get lost in them.  Why would God design us with faults in our system that would not allow us to be who we are meant to be?  That is the only kind of challenge that I can see as not having a solution.  I have learned from my daily dates that many things I find to be challenging or problems to be facing, God does not see them as such.  God sees them as growth opportunities necessary to expand my heart and discover the truth of who I am.  I am busy focused on why something needs to be fixed and God does not see the flaw.  I once heard it said, stop telling God all your problems and tell your problems about your God.  If God is who I believe God to be then there is nothing that she cannot handle.  Just because I cannot handle it does not mean that he cannot.  If I am really honest, I can get stuck in thinking there is still a challenge or a problem because I am finding a flaw in God’s solutions.  It is not the solution I had in mind.  God is not limited by my capabilities.  God’s solutions are ready to go, the key for me is to let go of what I think the solution should be.  For me it is not just trusting that God has the solutions but also that God’s solutions are the best ones.

The other day at work I was leaving a meeting in which I conducted a presentation.  I very much enjoyed sharing and discussing the information with the group who seemed opened and receptive to the ideas and how they might apply for their lives.  The topic was about perception, the beautiful nature of our brains leading into the power of mindfulness for ourselves as effective human beings and the effect on our relationships with others. I shared openly the impact this way of working in the world has been for me over the last 15 years.  Throughout the presentation I could sense this subtle questioning in the back of my mind if I was the one who should be sharing this information.  I was an impostor syndrome moment. Who was I to be sharing this info?  Do I really practice these ideas all the time?  Was I conducting myself in a fashion matching what I was engaging them in discussing?  What if I wasn’t?  It was not enough to be distracting but I was aware of it.  I did, as usual make clear that these are things that I practice and I do not execute perfectly, but the voice in my head felt that was still not enough.  Thankfully I had the courage to mention to a colleague afterwards who subtlety reminded me of the power of receiving such a criticism, were it to come, as an opportunity to demonstrate the very principles I was sharing about.  The beauty of her subtle confidence in my ability to handle such a situation put me at ease and the nagging voice disappeared.  I recalled with gratitude that there was a time in my life when I would not have shared with someone the negative story spinning in my head and let it tip me into more self-doubt and self-judgment.  I would not have risked letting someone in.  I am grateful for my daily dates with God where I have learned the freedom of being completely honest with the one who created me.  I felt a wink from God when after our conversation as I walked to my car, a butterfly flew by.  The very animal synonymous with transformation just subtly crossed my path as if God was saying, I AM here to remind you of who you are today.  The power of subtleties is in their ability to be the tipping point and the last straw that can send us in one direction or another.  If we are on the path of who we are we will find travelers human and others to remind us of who we are in direct and subtle ways.

There is a saying attributed to many people, “If you do not stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”  I used to have it hanging in my middle school classroom when I worked as a teacher.   I was trying to convey the idea to my students who were entrenched in social expectations while learning who they are to develop an understanding of what they think and feel separate from others.  It is something that does not just apply to middle school kids. Clearly I posted it in my classroom and needed to read it often.  As children we learn quickly was is expected of us and either adhere to it or rebel against it.  Growing into maturity the intention is to distinguish what we blindly accepted inherent in those expectations of behavior and thought and what we really think and feel about them.  If we do not pause to question what it is we are standing for and standing on, we will continue to be at the mercy of other people’s thoughts and feelings.  As an addict I could do this quite well because I was able to buffer myself from the effects of not connecting with myself with food.  I kept a large barrier of weight around me to keep me safe from those thoughts and feelings I did not align with because I did not know how to use my voice.  I thought connecting with others meant standing for all the things they stood for. I didn’t realize I was only falling and failing to connect with myself. In recovery and my daily dates with God I get an opportunity to take a closer look at the ideas I adopted as they come up and bring them with courage and curiosity into my relationship with God and myself.  Then I can know what I stand for as a human being, as a woman, and as a child of God.  God sees us as standing in the light of love all the time. My words become more powerful because they are in tune with the truth of my heart. I do not need to stuff down my expression or who I am being because it is an authentic representation of who I am and what my purpose is in the moment.  Just as it was physically a process to learn how to stand as a toddler, it is a process to standing emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as an adult. God is with us as we learn to stand and share the truth of who we are so we can be the message of love in the fashion for which we are designed.

My prayer for us is the courage to look at what we standing for and on in our lives and if it is in alignment with the truest parts of ourselves today.

Being a leader is a quality that is heralded all around.  We look to our leaders to help define who we are and show us what we are capable of.  At the end of the day, we are all leaders  in some way.  We lead our own lives, we lead with our thoughts and feelings, and we lead with what we choose to focus on. The reason we find it so easy to point at where others fall short in their leadership is because it is happening outside of us. We think we see it from an objective perspective.  What we fail to realize is the potential to fall is in all of us.  It is in all of us because it is part of the deal.  Life is not about a perfect ascent to more perfectness.  Life is about getting up and falling down and getting back up again.  It is why we lean in close when leaders admit their mistakes and demonstrate their ability to do it differently the second time around.  We recognize true leadership when we see it.  Simply leading does not require much. Inhabiting the qualities of leadership means being willing to grow and to communicate your growth so others may see themselves in it. The leaders we are impacted by are those who take risks and do not go into hiding when they mess up.  We can incorporate this humble quality of leadership by owing for ourselves and God when we fall short of our own ideals.  We do not necessarily need to share it with the world but if we run from it ourselves we are only following the lead of our shadow.  God encourages us to focus on growth and the power of love to transform all “mistakes” into messages of hope.

My prayer for us is the curiosity to explore the quality of leadership as a way to engage our hearts in an honest look at the areas of growth in our lives today.

Sometimes life is just hard.  There is an expression in 12 step language that is repeated a lot, “Simple, but not easy.”  That little statement has saved me more times than I can count.  When all things are working in accordance with how I think they should go it is easy. Allowing something to be simple is about being in accordance with God’s will.  I do not have to complicate things by taking the reigns.  I can slow down, pause, and ask God for help.  It is about trusting that what is accordance with God’s thinking is what works best.  Often I have to complicate things a little first before I am wiling to let go in accordance with peace.  I know that being in accordance with God’s perspective speaks to my heart when nothing else will.  It is the experience of knowing that something in the universe is interested in my care.  I do not have to jump through a bunch of hoops to experience what it means to be in accordance with the power of love, I just need to remember where that power lies within me.

Most people including myself do not revel in the idea of being in conflict.  Yet I find the phrase, what you resist persists very applicable to conflict.  The more I make a practice of pushing it  away or trying to avoid it, the more conflict I eventually find myself in. I am familiar with self-conflict.  I picked it up as a coping mechanism as a child when I needed a way to keep the peace of the people around me.  When our sense of safety is on the line, we will do whatever it takes to make sure we can create it.  If it is not there, we find a way to establish it.  Growing up was a very mixed experience as it is for most of us.  This meant modulating between times that felt okay and other times that were a complete lack of safety. Yet because of the dynamics present, it was clear to me that I could not rely consistently on the tools of my parents to provide the kind of safety that worked for me.  Yet, they did provide the safety of food, shelter, and emotional connection when it was there. I learned to be cautious when I was getting what I needed because it came at a cost.  I couldn’t fully allow myself to let go into it because I didn’t know when things would change.  So I learned when the conflict arose to do what I could to keep it from happening by compromising what I needed.  I disregarded my own thoughts and feelings and went along with theirs. After all, what were my options?  I do not blame my parents, they were doing the best they could because it was what they knew.  We cannot give of something we haven’t got.  I figured I could handle the conflict within me better than the potential bad outcome of conflict with others.  Yet,  I had my moments and my temper tantrums because after a while I could not even quiet the conflict inside myself.  What is important is what I do with it today.  Today I have learned because of my daily dates with God to sit in discomfort. This allows me to notice with less judgment when conflict arises around me and within me.  In the moment of breath when I pause I can choose how I want to react.  Next, I can question what is going on.  Is it truly a conflict or discomfort?  Do I need to take action with another person or just myself?  I can ask God how she sees the situation.  But if I run from the conflict or squash it down within me, I will not grow from it.  It is not an easy process to undo our patterns of long practiced behaviors, but with God anything is possible.

So often we think that the thoughts running through our heads are just information.  We tend to take them as truths, our truths.  As I have grown from my daily dates with God each morning I see the value of inquiry.  Each thought or feeling becomes an opportunity to investigate further, especially if it is something that keeps coming up for me.  It is like getting stuck in a turnstile.  Instead of just going round and round, I can ask for the courage to jump out when there is the slightest crack.  I can put my hand up and ask for help from outside the turnstile to keep it open long enough for me to get out of it.  Once I am out, I can choose to walk away or look back and notice what caused me to get stuck in the first place. It may bring up more questions.  Was it my fault I got stuck?  Was there something in the mechanism that caused it to  happen?  Was I supposed to spend some time looking at things at the entrance of the building from all angles?  Was it about me asking for help?  This may seem like overkill for getting stuck in a turnstile but if it is the 2nd, 3rd or 4th time it has happened, it might be time to inquire as to what the pattern is about.  I cannot approach this inquiry on my own because left to my own devices my mind will conjure up all the reasons why it is my fault and I should just never go through one again.  That may be the case but I need God to sit with me in the space of inquiry much like our daily meditation time and be open to what can be discovered with compassion.

When we find ourselves in circumstances that do not meet our expectations we react by feeling disappointed, hurt, angry, betrayed or any number of things.  A common quip is to say to ourselves, “just deal with it.”  In my mind that usually meant stop feeling what you are feeling and move on.  However, it is not as easy as it sounds.  Depending on how long we have nurtured those expectations the level of reaction is going to vary.  It is essential for our growth to not get stuck in what we wished would have happened.  Dealing with it is about seeing the reality of what happened as well as taking responsibility for our reaction.  If we make ourselves wrong for what we are feeling then we lose the lesson.  Our feelings are indications of how we are perceiving our world.  If we never stop to take a closer look, which is what dealing with it is about, we attempt to move forward without all the information.  We are more likely to set ourselves up to repeat the same pattern and find ourselves yet again disappointed. Dealing with it is not rehashing it over and over in our minds. Dealing with it is not pretending are reactions aren’t real.  Dealing with it is about taking ownership of our feelings and responses to circumstances in our lives.  Only when we take responsibility by paying attention to how we are responding do we have the power to choose other options.  If we deal with it by pushing it aside, making it wrong, or not allowing ourselves to explore what the experience might have to teach us, we short-circuit a chance to get to know ourselves and the depth of our human experience.  God invites us to be curious about our reactions, to feel the feelings we have been given, and get to know ourselves a little more.  Only by doing so will learn what opens our hearts and what closes it.  She is ready to walk with us in dealing with the reality of who we are despite our reactions.  But he cannot go with us down a path we are not even willing to look at because we are already over it.