dailydatewithgod

How powerful we become in our lives when we choose to show up.  Our ability to respond, our responsibility, is a fundamental part of our nature given to us by God.  The world and our experiences are laid out before us like an exquisite banquet and choosing to partake is a yes to life.  I used to think I was a victim of circumstances and was afraid to show up because what if I couldn’t handle what was on the table?  What if I get knocked down again like I did before?  What if I don’t actually have the amount of courage needed to walk through whatever experience is showing up with me?  What if? What if? What if?  The fact remained that I did not know.  But it is not my job to know.  It is my role to show up with God at my back and be responsive to what is happening.  Within each moment is a chance to make many different choices.  I can course correct if needed.  The bottom line is I am never facing whatever it is alone.  When I took what little courage laid in my heart and opted to show up anyway, I realized I was able to be present for what I might have feared and also the wonder of what I could not conceive.  By choosing to be non responsive I didn’t realize I had excluded myself from the joy and excitement of life as well as guarded myself from the harshness.  God has never promised me a smooth ride, just a ride.  When we are responsive to life we give ourselves and God the chance to show up in ways we never imagined and enable our hearts to grow a little bigger from the courage growing stronger with each breath.

Early in my recovery journey as I began to incorporate different practices into my life I came up against my life long struggle of fear that I would not get done what needed to get done. Whether it was the tasks for the day or things to be taken care of down the line, I was driven by this fear of not accomplishing what needed to be accomplished.  As I was learning to turn all things in my life over to God, I thought maybe I could turn it over as well.  I was functioning out of fear because I was relying upon only my own resources and focusing on only my plans for things.  It changed with a simple prayer each morning in my letter to God as I began our date.  “God, may I accomplish what you want me to accomplish today . . . grant me the power and the courage to carry it out.” It has allowed me to acknowledge a few things.  First of all, I am not left to my own devices to make sure things get done.  The people I need assistance from show up in my day.  I may find myself nudged from a quiet space within to ask for help even when I am reluctant.  Secondly, I am surrendering my plan (not always easy which is why it is a practice) for what “should” get done to what God has in store for my day.  Not to mention the added benefit of being more present in my life because I am not focused on the next thing that has to get done.  Living from this place I came across people or other resources where I learned how to better manage my time and energy.  I became more mindful of what I commit myself to.  I found my voice which allowed me to say no with kindness.  I was willing to make mistakes because not meeting a deadline or another person’s expectations wasn’t going to undo who I am.  I recognize God sees me as already being someone who lives from a space of accomplishment.  Getting things done is not part of my life because then I can prove I have a right to take up space on this planet.  I am working in relationship with My Creator to live the life in which I can be my best self and what gets done today is what got done today, no more, no less.  My doing is an extension of my being when I operate from a place of accomplishment.

I don’t know about you but sometimes I just need to spend a little time sauntering!  It’s an exquisite word that I rarely use probably because I don’t find myself strolling through life very often. Besides, who has time to saunter?  The fast paced life we live in leaves little room for ambling our way from one destination to the next.  It is incredible the capacity and draw we have to speed.  If you have ever spent time around a little child who is just learning how to walk it is fascinating to see how they marvel at every moment of every step. Do we get that same enjoyment out of our pace of walking through life? Whatever happened to skipping?  Is there an age restriction on that one?  I used to skip all over the place.  As a kid it wasn’t about the speed (okay, maybe just a little), it was about the fun of it.  God gave our bodies all these marvelous choices of how to take the journey.  The magnificent thing is the option to change multiple times during the course of a day.  Sometimes its a sauntering kind of day, other times it is just when I want to be more present to everything along the path I am traveling.  In the same way God gave our bodies multiple modalities of travel, our minds have multiple modes of presence.  Instead of deciding that we should only multi task or always put intensive thought into things, maybe there is room for both.  Maybe both ways are right.  Perhaps we are not being wrong when we aren’t intentional about where we are focusing our attention.  Perhaps it is a moment we need to saunter through our head about some other thought.  I have experienced on my dates with God the immense latitude and openness of Spirit to be accepting and forgiving of where I and my head are in at the moment.  Perhaps God is trying to teach me something about how to be with myself even when I am sauntering.

One of the more valuable tools that I have learned and continue to practice is in changing the evaluative conversation in my head.  As like all of us, I am full of judgments.  It is part of the human condition.  I am inclined to comparison of myself and other people, cultures, families, or coworkers in all areas of life.  Prior to waking up to a more compassionate way of living I was entrenched in the right versus wrong conversation.  I would aim to live rightly, but often felt like I was living wrongly or not enough or the best possible.  The variations of this conversation are endless.  They all stem from the fear of not being enough.  Learning to change the conversation from right versus wrong into works or doesn’t work is significant.  Does how I am being, thinking, relating, acting function as evidence of who I know myself to be at my core?  Do my decisions live out as a function of my role as a child of God?  Taking the sting of the judgment isn’t about getting myself off the hook but bringing it down to practicalities.  When I recognize making decisions from a place of worry or anxiety does not work to keep my heart open and expanded, I can make adjustments.  However, there may be a time when making a decision based on fear that does function for me, for example, when walking alone in a dark alley.  The potential for growth and learning the possibilities in the power of love come more readily when I am not in my head about how I am doing it wrong.  I can laugh at myself when I see evidence of the dysfunction I am seeing show up in my life.

I believe we all have several roles to play in our lifetime.  Sometimes we know very clearly what those are and we step right into them without much thought.  Other times we spend a good deal of time trying to figure what our role is.  Then there are the roles that we are placed in by virtue of our birthplace or society.  Somewhere in the quiet space of our hearts is the connection to our most vital role.  God invites us to connect with the essence of who we are and tap into the power of who we are called to be by virtue of our creation.  We can roam this earth playing all kinds of roles and miss out on the one that fills our spirits and ignites life in those around us.  We often don’t notice until the other roles we are in seem to either fall apart or not fulfill us in the way they used to.  Some people hear the calling from their heart and connect with it early on. Some of us take a while to even notice the heart that is sending the call.  I would fall into the latter category.  The good news is it doesn’t matter when you answer the call of your heart, only that you do answer it.  It is the role of your life and it is not a one time thing.  It is the role within a role which feeds the energy needed to keep showing up in our lives. God invites us to embrace the dance of living from the truth of who we are in every moment of every day.  It comes through the other roles we play and the ones we don’t think we signed up for.  It is about embracing the gift of our life and seeing what living from the space of truth in our hearts allows us to be present to this day.  God has shown me one moment at a time, I can reconnect with my heart and listen for the calling of love whenever I want.  I can also choose to ignore it or push it aside.  In the end I know which decision brings me a fuller sense of life.