dailydatewithgod

One of the key things I learned in recovery early on which has served me well is to focus on the process not the content. It is the path we travel to get to where we want or need to go that matters.  In a world that focuses primarily on the end result this is counter-intuitive.  We are sometimes resistant to the idea that perhaps we are being drawn to work towards a specific goal so we may encounter the obstacles and gifts along the course.  The fun of an obstacle course is not just in accomplishing it but in the different hurdles we have to overcome to get there.  It is in traveling the course we see who we are.  If we only focus on the form of the obstacles or the end goal we miss out on being present to what the course is revealing to us.  I can easily get stuck in this idea.  It happens all the time.  I assume the reason I am drawn to a person, a product, or desire an achievement is the for the end result.  I do not think much about what will happen, nor could I imagine what might happen on the course to reach the end experience.  I chalk the bumps and blurbs up to random events that often seem to get in the way of my goal. God is inviting us to be present on the course of our lives.  To show up to each obstacle or seemingly irrelevant experience because maybe it is the thing or the person we are meant to know or learn from.  Our mind’s fixate on what will be the outcome of achieving the goal when maybe our purpose is not to achieve the goal.  Years ago when I decided that I wanted to be married and have a family I thought it was the only purpose in dating.  I did not presume that I would find myself in my 40s still not having achieved the goal.  As it is by the world’s standards I got started late and if it is the goal is the measure of my life, I have failed.  But along the course of this path I have met and gotten to know many men and grown inexplicably through my various levels of relationships with them.  I got to see how strong of a heart I really have and I am not as fragile as I thought I was.  I had the opportunity to clarify for myself what kind of woman I want to be in a relationship and what I have to offer.  I realize even after all this time my desire to be a mother is still here and I trust if it is what God wants for me.  I will have the opportunity even if it is not in the form I originally imagined.  In my early 30s after being in recovery for a few years having mended my relationship with myself and embarked on the course of dating, I never thought it would still be the course I am on today. Yet I would not trade one obstacle or gift that has met me on this course so far.  It has been a wild and wacky ride and I am willing to keep following the course of my heart to learn more about my heart and the hearts of others.

It is easy to measure ourselves by our output.  It can be witnessed and others attest to it. Accomplishments are usually agreed upon constructs which provide a value level to the world around us. In a world driven by success what one has accomplished is the only thing that matters. If we cannot list it on our resumes or have things to show for them, did we really accomplish anything?  If that is the last word then what do we call all the things we cannot measure or that are not visible?  Why is it when we acknowledge a kindness extended to another human being it is not considered an accomplishment? It is considered part of the deal. If we do things expected of us we are told we cannot see it as an accomplishment.  What would we be accomplishing?  Being human?  Given the number of people who harm others, maybe kindness should be considered an accomplishment.  What about the insights we have about our own growth?  If we manage to react differently towards someone with whom we have a repeated ineffective pattern of reaction, isn’t that accomplishing something?  At what point does how we see ourselves not in comparison to others but in comparison to ourselves become enough of a reason for accepting accomplishments as real?  What if God’s definition of accomplishments is different from the world’s?  What if being versus doing became a sign of accomplishing something?  God invites us to look not just at what the world is ready to tell us are accomplishments but what our hearts are telling us.  We have an internal guidance system that works effectively when we listen to it.  Listening requires a level of quiet and slowing down which can be hard in a world moving very fast very loudly.  Perhaps getting quiet and slowing down to check in with one’s heart could be considered an accomplishment . . . perhaps.

When we look at the composite picture of who we are as whole human beings we find we are made up of many characteristics.  They are what makes us unique and also what makes us the same.  Taking a closer look at the similarities between individuals we can see the attributes of God.  We are called to focus on the common attributes among us to establish peace.  When we only see the differences we are putting our focus on the separate aspects of who we are.  Putting our attention on our common attributes allows us to step into our hearts where within us all we see the divine design of love.  Getting to know the core of who we are strengthens the light of love in us and grants us the vision with which to see the attributes of God in another.  It is not easy when our minds are focused on the distinctions and categories it likes to place things into. God invites us to pause and go into our hearts and be willing to see as God sees.

Being a life long dancer I learned the importance of stretching.  It was built into every class, seminar, and workshop I ever took or led.  Part of the beauty of the art of dance is in the extension of the body of the dancer.  It calls for flexibility in the limb and strength in the core of the body.  One can do a quick flashy extension and wow people by just extending your body out there.  But the beautiful extensions of dancers bodies of which people marvel, require a deeper strength.  A strength always stemming from the core of the body. Whether in ballet, jazz, modern, tap, or ballroom the center of the body is the root and strength of a dancers extension. Our ability to extend ourselves in life works the same way.  We must be rooted in the core of who we are otherwise the extension cannot hold.  We are stretching our hearts and minds when we engage with others.  To be open to ideas and experiences with which we are not familiar takes courage.  Courage means coming from the core of who we are, our heart.  To be present allow the myriad and mystery unfold we do not want to be falling over.  If our core is not strong then when we extend ourselves we will be pulled and jerked about.  God encourages to build our core, our heart muscle by spending time in stillness.  When we focus our attention on the love God placed within us the extension of that love comes through flawlessly.  We are not extending to receive validation.  We are expressing ourselves as an extension of love itself because it is what God created us to be.

When we call upon God we are answering his invitation to engage in conversation.  We connect with her desire to get to know us in a deeper way and vice versa.  Many of us have been taught that calling upon God is about our interest in engaging God but it is an essential element of the invitation in our hearts.  We are responding to something God placed within us out of tremendous love at our creation. We are not meant to do this alone.  We need each other and we need God.  Sometimes those are one in the same.  The instinct within our hearts to create relationship and connect with other human beings drives us to invite others to engage with us.  There have been some hermits throughout history who saw themselves called to complete isolation for the whole of their lives.  One could argue however that they are responding to the invitation to know God in themselves and their environment. There is nowhere God is not so every breath becomes and invitation to life and the love of God.  If we see with the eyes of our hearts we will find invitations in every experience and moment of our lives.  God is completely taken with us and will present invitations to connect with him wherever she can.

Our minds are fascinated by symbols.  We are drawn to them, we dream in them, and our written language is built with them. Symbols represent everything from a word to a whole philosophy.  We make interpretations and create meaning from symbols. The richness of our symbols leaves legacies by telling the stories our lives long after we have gone and all that are left are our symbols.  It is hard to even fathom a life without symbols.  If everything we experienced was direct and straight forward life would lack a certain level of mystery and imagination.  Our symbols open our minds and hearts to seeing things from a different perspective.  Our mindset and purpose play a powerful role in the meaning we give to these representations.  The degree to which we let symbols speak for themselves can sometimes cause conflict.  Because they represent something else, the part of that something else we think we understand shapes the meaning of the symbol.  Both the confederate flag and the american flag have stars and stripes as their symbols, yet the placing of those symbols on the flags convey different meanings and identities.  We form an opinion of someone who is carrying one flag over the other.  The flags themselves become a symbol of ideas of government and philosophy.  We know when we wave the American flag in parades on the 4th of July it is a symbol of freedom and liberty because we have attached those meanings to the piece of cloth and series of images.  God invites us to look into what other kinds of symbols we have in our lives and the story they speak to others about us.  What kinds of symbols do we wear on our bodies, post on our Facebook pages, or stick on our cars?  What do the symbols hanging in our houses or written on our papers say to ourselves and the world about who we are and what we believe? Do we remember that symbols can only represent us they are not us? How often do we forget the role of symbols and misjudge others based on the ones we see on them and surrounding them?

The profound nature through which God operates is based in love.  Love freely given and love freely received.  The choice is always ours.  We can choose the option of walking the path of life with love and in the direction of love and love’s growth or we can choose the option of the opposite of love and love’s growth.  It is not about always choosing the right option.  It is about always knowing there are options.  Love does not force itself.  It simply offers itself up as a path to freedom.  When we go with the love option and walk this path of freedom of our hearts we come upon all the obstacles we have placed past and present which stand in the way of the path.  When this occurs we think we have chosen the wrong option.  We believe the obstacles are the option we have chosen.  This is where our relationship with God enables us with courage to find the love in the obstacles.  In my own life this is exactly what happened when I chose the option of living soberly.  As I worked through the 12 steps I had to take a long hard look at the life I had been living all the while opting to live differently.  Making peace with my past could have stopped me in my path but I chose the option of asking God for help so I might see even my mistakes and pains with love. God is more than ready when we chose the option of love to supply the courage to see with the eyes of love. One day at a time, I am willing.

As a student of A Course In Miracles there are lessons for each day of the year.  A few days ago I was reading over the lesson of the day which explained that there is no cruelty in God and therefore no cruelty in me.  I was struck by the term cruelty.  It is not one I think of often.  It is much more stark than meanness or malice.  It hit me as I began to think of how I sometimes talk to myself.  I am much better than I was growing up.  Strangely, I would never talk to my friends or family the way I talk to myself.  I am not sure where I learned it but it does not matter.  Somewhere along the way it made sense to speak with cruelty to myself.  My daily dates with God have taught me about kind words.  The power of asking myself is this kind would stop me dead in my tracks before I run full speed ahead with an idea or react to what someone is doing or saying.  It is not a question I often ask.  My head is usually focused on whether or not to speak up and make my voice heard. In general when it comes to other people I speak with kindness, but I don’t usually stop and ask myself the same question when I talk to myself.  I am definitely hard on myself and given my past experience do not want to fall into avoiding being accountable and in reality about myself and my life as much as possible.  I don’t know that speaking with cruelty has ever really motivated me to move forward.  I have to reach out to God and ask, “What words of kindness do you suggest I use today towards myself and others?“

I am not sure if it is related to being a woman or just my own experiences growing up, but I find there to be a lot of confusion when it comes to requests.   It sounds like an easy thing, just ask for what it is you want.  Let the other person know what you need.  Perhaps because it is connected to our relationships with others, it can be a struggle.  One element of the process involves getting clarity on what it is that we need and want.  In my interactions with others I have found this to be the root of the difficulty around requests.  Some of us feel or have felt that we did not deserve to ask for what we wanted or needed.  Perhaps we were told no enough times that we figured there was no point in asking.  But that basis it upon the results of the requesting.   On my daily dates with God it is inherent upon me to know what is going on with me.  What do I need?  What do I want?  Where is it I want to go and what is required to get there?  All of these things require making requests.  They start with the requesting we do with ourselves.  In the grand scheme of things, it is less about the result of the requesting and more about the action of doing so.  We need to know for ourselves what we need, want, desire, and so on.  It may or may not be something we need others to approve of or provide but if it does and we lack clarity of where we are coming from, the requesting will not work.  I realize the power of my requesting resides in my awareness of myself.  If I know it is okay or safe to make a request then it will be heard.  If I understand that it is important to ask whether or not the request is meant, it goes much more smoothly.

Despite the way our minds are wired to search for danger and things to be afraid of we are actually wired for love. Our soul is in search of it and our hearts confirm its presence.  Even if it is present just a little our heart finds a reason to keep on hoping, keep on beating, keep on moving forward.  It is intrinsic in us and so despite some of our best efforts to not be affected by love we are.  The confirming of love’s presence happens without our permission.  It is part of the intrinsic design at the core of who we are. If we slow down long enough to tune in and pay attention to it we sense when our heart skips a beat or we feel delighted.  We find ourselves energized and able to see things with new eyes.  All of these are confirmations of the presence of love.  God did not create us out of love to be in its presence and not know what  it is.  Sometimes we mess it up when we try to orchestrate it ourselves, push it away, or label things that are not love as love.  Ultimately, we cannot undo God’s confirmation of what is true.  God will not be denied and our very being vibrates with that reality.