dailydatewithgod

When we think about what captures us and keeps our attention we find clues as to what we value.  The funny thing is that often we are so occupied by everyday worries and concerns that we spend our time thinking about those.  Many of them are things we cannot control.  Yet even those worries give us an indication of what is prominent in our hearts.  If our worries are about our job or the people close to us it tells us that they play a prominent role in our lives. If we concern ourselves with our bodies and our health it is clear those parts of our lives are prominent as well.  What we can use help in is how to focus the energy regarding the prominence.  Do we spend it in angst or in joy? Do we bring love and acceptance or fear and judgment?  We tend to think that we should distance ourselves from any kind of conflict, distress, things that make us angry, or cause us to feel pain.  Yet these can be our greatest teachers to lay for us what we are keeping prominent in our lives.  What we resist persists so actually we bring more focus to something the more we try to push it away and make it wrong.  What if we accepted worries, distress, conflict, anger as indications of what is prominent in our minds but has not yet found a way to connect to the heart?  What if we took the time to pause and listen beyond the noise of the commotion created by the “negative” aspects of worries and conflict?  What might we discover about our desire to take those prominent elements and bring them to our hearts for closer examination?

When we think of giving, it is usually within a positive context.  We think of generosity and sacrifice.  We give on many levels-physical, emotional, and spiritual.  Some in our minds may be more important than others but essentially we see it as a transference of energy.  It leaves us and go to the other person or experience.  What if with giving we were actually receiving?  What if it was not being subtracted from us but something that gets transferred to us as we transfer what we give to another?  This happens on an energetic level. Physically it looks like we are giving something and we no longer have it.  Yet we are given something in return.  Among other things, what transfers to us is the reaction of the other person.  What transfers is the energy of the experience.  We have a hand in how that goes on.  We don’t control it but we do not actually walk away from an experience of giving empty-handed.  The experience imprints on our mind.  This transference is something we play a strong part in when we are the receivers as well.  I am not sure I ever gave much thought to how I receive things that are given to me.  I learned to say thank you and be appreciative, but I do not always think about how it affects the person who is giving.  When we give to others usually our intention is to transfer the intention of our hearts as well as the physical element.  It is the intention that prompts us to give in the first place.  As we receive something we can choose to transfer the same intention if we choose to be present with the experience.  If we open ourselves up to the paying attention to the transferring that occurs with giving and receiving we can bring the power of love and growth to any interaction regardless of what is physically being given and received.

God calls to us with in our hearts to awaken the spirit of life deep within us.  We make all kinds of judgments about whether people are deep or shallow, we label conversations as small talk, and we presume to know the depth of another person based on one conversation or experience.  What would it take to acknowledge ourselves and others?  What if it is about what we are willing to see in others?  They are not deep or shallow but how much we are open to seeing the depth of the presence in them.  What if every interaction held the possibility of depth if we connected with the depth of love within us before engaging with others?  Perhaps the world only seems surface and not real because we have lost touch with how to connect to our own depth.  God is ready and willing to show us the depth of our own hearts when we slow down and get quiet.

I cannot tell you how many times I have chided myself for not being aware of something.  I always thought it was my job to know things before I could know things.  There was enough happening for me as a kid that defied explanation, so I came up with my own.  I learned to fill in the blanks.  While it ensured my survival and put my brain to rest somewhat, it has its limitations.  As a child, I could not ask God, what is happening here?  How do you see this?  What do you want me to learn from this?  I just decided I had to figure things out. I learned to read people and pay attention without really paying attention to the difference between what was being said and what was felt.  I am not some sort of psychic or special in any way, we all have the capability to be aware of more than what is at the surface. I developed a hyper-vigilant state of awareness to keep myself safe.  It is helpful to survive but exhausting.  And even within that there were things I missed.  The difference is I thought there was something wrong with me because I missed or I feared being hurt.  There was no room in this perspective for humanness.  Growing closer and closer to God on our dates each day has taught me to trust I will become aware of things as I need to be aware of them.  I am not meant to live on guard watch duty all the time.  I will see the things in me and others I need to see as in the time needed for me to learn and grow from it.  This means the same is happening for others, no matter what I think about their level of awareness which can be equally challenging to accept. God is invested in our growth in love in our lifetime.  God is not in a rush.  God is not wondering why we are so clueless.  God will love us no matter how much awareness we show up with.  God meets us at the level of awareness we are in today.  Slowly over time I have learned to imperfectly adopt the same attitude of love and acceptance towards myself and others.

In a clear-cut world of results we value certainty.  We look to those who are decisive as being powerful.  Those who are hesitant, including ourselves, are seen as weak and indecisive.  They are holding things up and not about action.  Yet, how many of those who demonstrated certainty and decisiveness started out from a place of hesitancy?  Being hesitant is not a good or bad thing, it is a stop on the road to action, to certainty, to decisiveness.  When we utilize the message of hesitancy as a reason to investigate more or be patient it can be the very thing that allows us to get to the place of decision and then action.  Hesitancy is one of those in between periods.  It can be a fruitful incubation period in which we take the time to pause, go within our hearts, and get clarity. In the hesitancy we can ask God to help us.  God, help me to know if I am hesitant because of fear or because it is not yet time to decide.  God, guide my heart and mind into coming into alignment during this period of hesitancy so I can be the person who carries out the decision with peace of mind. Hesitancy gives us an inclination into what is important to us, what we are risking in making a decision, and what kind of meaning we place on the decision.  God invites us to stay with the hesitancy long enough to utilize it in serving a greater purpose.  She wants us to use the power of hesitancy to check in where the alignment is with our hearts. He is ready to walk with us there when we have the courage to take the journey.

What is about light that fascinates us so much? We want to be able to go faster than it.  We miss it when the sun is down or covered by the clouds. It is the first thing we look to turn on when we enter a room.  We think something is wrong if it is not present.  We rely upon it to be able to see things clearly.  All the physical elements of light make living more doable.  But what about what it does for us spiritually and emotionally?  Have you ever noticed how being in natural light can lift your spirits?  Or how there is something inside of us that opens up when we see the light in someone’s eyes?  All these elements are ways in which light reaches us on a non-physical level.  There is a spiritual spark that happens in our hearts.  It awakens us to a part of ourselves that we sometimes fall asleep to.  We are drawn to the sparkling because it is already within us.  It is the spark of life itself.  There is a reason why enlightenment is considered a spiritual high ground.  It is the experience in which the sparkling within our hearts lights our path in such a way that we see everything differently.  We see the sparkling of all the elements of nature, people, and circumstances.  We see as God sees. One of the benefits of my daily dates with God is the recognition of light in myself and others.  I can see the sparkle in another person much quicker than I used to be able to.  And when I can’t, I reach for the hand of God to show me.  God directs me back to my own heart where I connect with the sparkling light within me.  It lays the foundation for the filter through which the eyes of my heart guide my vision for that moment.

In Victor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning, he shares his poignant and profound insights on the power of meaning in our lives. I learned many years ago there is what happens and there is what we make it mean.  It is the meaning that we are connected to because it comes from within us.  We get to choose what we make things mean.  It is a little difficult of a concept to wrap your head around if you are used to seeing yourself as having no choices in your life or being the victim of circumstance.  I get it.  I was once there too.  This small little idea has had a profound affect on my life.  When I got into recovery, I began to take a closer look at the areas of my life where I felt powerless and at the mercy of people and circumstances.  When you are broken open and raw, its surprising the things you will do.  It was not completely outside my character however, as I have always been a lifelong learner and very curious about the how and why of things.  I just did not realize the mind-field I was sitting on when I was walking through life numbed out on food and trying to avoid feeling and being present in my body.  Both of those things were an essential tool for my survival and I am grateful I found something that worked. As an adult, however I came face to face with its limitations and they were built up around my heart and quite literally my body. God knew in my heart I wanted to live and love fully. God was always aware of the light of life that resides within me.  It was as though the spirit of truth within me would not give up.  So I experienced a massive breakdown and admitted defeat.  What seemed like the worst things to acknowledge, being addicted to food and an incest survivor, ended up being the very things that would open me to a world more fully alive.  So far, it has been messy path and a winding road I never thought I would travel.  It is certainly not one I ever imagined I would be grateful for, but I am.  A key ingredient is in paying attention to the meaning I create.  All kinds of things happen to all of us.  Yet, we have different experiences of them based on what we make those happenings mean. Once I understood in small ways how I could shift my perspective and ask God to help me know a deeper or different meaning, life was full of hope and wonder again.  As I apply it to all areas of my life I feel more free.  It is as though something deep within my heart has been restored.  Then again, that is just what I make it mean.

My prayer for us is the courage to look at the kinds of meanings we place on our experiences and be willing to change the meaning to something in alignment with love today.

We have a tendency to take personal credit for everything we think and do.  It makes sense if an idea comes to us and we take it into action.  The thought generated in our mind and the consequential action done by us are our responsibility.  The response to our actions whether positive or negative , is not our responsibility but we can own what we set in motion.  Yet that leaves an incomplete picture.  Even our original ideas are those which come through us.  We are a conglomeration of all our experiences and education.  We are constantly exposed to many influences.  We choose how to interpret all we experience and learn but it does not all come from us.  We are vessels through which life is meant to be lived in the fashion to which we are drawn and feel connected to.  God uses our presence to share information with each other and be the message of love.  To experience the vitality of life comes in allowing life to move through us.  We begin by being willing to receive the messages and ideas that come from all areas of life.  Then we digest them and assimilate those with which we connect deeply. Then from the connection deep within us we can share with others.  I have experienced the power of this life and love giving force when I dance.  Was it my idea when I was a child to take a class or watch a performance?  Wasn’t it me who attended all the classes, put in the rehearsal time, and signed up to perform?  Yes, it was me.  And yet, when I have felt most powerful as a dancer is when I let all of that go, connect to my heart and begin to move.  It is practically an orgasmic experience the way the energy moves through my body and I get completely lost in it.   I have had performances where afterward I felt utterly spent and in tears over the humility of knowing my body was just used in the most life-giving way to tell a story I could not tell on my own. It is not always so profound but I know in my heart that it changes me, it affects others ,as they have shared with me, and I do not choose when it occurs this way. When we allow our throughness to be our guide, we can accomplish things we cannot accomplish alone. It is not evading responsibility,it is actually taking the highest form of responsibility by owning what impacts us and what we do with it.

I used to fear making a mistake because I thought it meant I was a mistake.  I assumed that others judged me the same harsh way I judged myself and if I made an error it was a reflection of who I truly was as an individual. This drove some insane push for perfectionism when it came to speaking up and sharing my perspective.  I had to weigh every possible objection you might have or clear with myself every way I may be behaving in a way similar to a way that you were doing before I could say anything. I reached some moments in my life when I didn’t care and just spoke up.  There were also times when it slipped out and I could tell I caught people by surprise.  Only in recovery have I developed the muscle of making errors as a stepping stone to growth.  The errors in judgment or an idea I have is not the problem.  Of course, I am not going to get it right no matter how much I figure out ahead of time. What is important is my willingness to stay open to being corrected.  To get that when I am shown the error of my thinking, it is not a reflection on me.  It is not because I did not completely vet it out ahead of time or consider all the options.  It is not because I never know what the correct thing to do or say is.  It is not because I am an idiot.  It is where I was in the moment I was in with the information I had at the time.  The error is not a reflection of being an error-ed human being.  I learned it is important for me to know where I am in the moment in order to be open to a different way of thinking.  If I can never admit to myself or anyone else what I am thinking or feeling about a person, place or thing right now; how can I be shown another possibility?  Others will never get to know me and what I think and feel if I am always holding back.  I will lose out on the opportunity to be in relationship and grow along with others if I am so busy hiding my errors or my perceived errors.

I remember as a child being told I was too dramatic.  There have also been various periods in my life when I put concerted effort into becoming an actress.  I do enjoy performing and taking on a role but as I have grown closer in my relationship with God I realize that I most enjoy boldly being who I am.  For such a long time I played along and took on the role that I thought was expected of me. There was no space to be myself.  I see it as an act of boldness for us to fully engage in life as the person God has called us to be.  It is an act of boldness to act from who we are instead of going through life reacting to what others say and do.  At the end of the day it is the ultimate act of bravery to act from the truth of our hearts in all the situations of our lives.  It does not mean that it will never meet with others expectations, sometimes it will.  The difference is I no longer depend upon the approval of who I am from other people for my survival.  I spend more effort connecting with the boldness of my heart where I know God has placed the truth of who I am. The difference is I am willing to make mistakes along the road of living my life if I know I am doing so from the boldness of my own character. The daily discipline of showing up for my prayer and meditation date with God is where I receive the refueling of love and light needed to run the boldness of my character one day at a time.